!The Surrender experiment

TODO - notes on congnitive emotions

• Communication

  • it is an acute awareness of human nature

  • know how the other person is thinking and shift their presentation to reflect it

  • the best way to win a debate is to know the opponent's position better than the opponent

• 害怕別人非议

  • 不可能让所有人满意
  • 有好多人憎你，代表你表达足够清晰的意见
  • 宁愿做一个清晰的人， 也不要做一个想讨好全世界的人
    • 有自己的意见
    • stand for 自己的意见， 然后有自己的一席之地
  • 做一个不完美的真人， 而不是完美的假人

• thinking big

  • choose to talk to the top

    • the boss is actually the easiest to speak to

    • 為什麼不願意和上司處理好關係？

      • 幫下面 可以 有自己的價值 <- 爸爸
        • 過於同情 窮人
      • 害怕別人非議
        • 自己的目的/出發點
        • 過於無私

      • 不想有那麼大的責任

        • 沒看到自己的利益
        • 需要競爭

      • 反叛

  • fear

    • the fear is almost always self-created and usually unnesscessary

  • look at your own vision for abundance

    • you can do it - once you believe you can
    • you can reach more people with the same amount of effort

  • [36 -think big - Don't Sweat the Small Stuff About Money]

• 人是有上下等級之分的

• Thinking You are the Great Catch

  • Treat your hobbies as if they have more value than the women do

  • Good looks

    • good carriage, excellent threads, are the consequence by how you think of yourself

  • humor

    • Don't be shy. Let your personality SHINE. When you are the Great Catch, this should come more naturally because you have nothing to fear.

  • dominance

    • Speak strongly and behave strongly. If you are wrong, you will be corrected.
      Clearing up mistakes is always a good thing and should NEVER be feared.

  • Ambition

    • You know women are not the priority of your life. The great catch knows he can get any woman whenever he wants.

• kindnesss vs empathy vs compassion vs sympathy

  • empathy - actively relating to someone's emotional experience
    • "That must have been really hard for you"
    • an expression of empathy is respectful but relatively neutral and it does not imply support for the person's position

  • sympathy - more feeling bad for them

    • "I feel sorry for what you have been through"

  • note

    • Using empathy - link to someone's emotion - not sympathy

• 觉察自己的偏见

  • 倾听对方的目的在于了解， 而不是认同 （未必要赞同对方）

    • 想法跟我们一样的归于一类，不同的归于另一类， 这样的分类并不准确
      • 游离的原因
    • 偏见是我们的求生直觉

  • 游离的原因

    • 不赞同对方， 倾听的目的是了解对方
    • 把自己看的太大 - 认为对方想让自己负责

  • 好奇心

    • 想知道他为何会有这样的信念
    • 尊重别人的观点
      • 设法找出对方的出发点/目的是什么

• You are a salesperson

  • It's ok to sell. It doesn't make you a bad person

• ask for what you want

  • others want to help U

• Fear the fear and do it anyway. All will be well

  • all your worries have been a waste of time
  • we're more stronger than our fears and more competent than our worries
  • step back for a moment and reflect on past worries. All will be well.

• Shyness VS hesitation

  • Shyness is thinking that everyone is looking at YOU

    • No one is going to care what you do or who you are. You are not a celebrity. You are not important

  • Hesitation is usually a result of unfulfilled desires. we yield to less pain rather than more pain

    • Hesitation is solved when we realize that inaction is more painful and that rejection is better than regret

• Securities vs Mistakes

On Coach

Entrepreneurs tolerate uncertainty more than any other profession

• 对于 “不确定性大的事情” 的选择

  • 这个选择会不会扩大视野，加深认知

  • 这个决定是被爱，激情或其他正能量的东西驱动，还是被恐惧所驱动

  • 你到底在害怕什么？

    • fear -> angry, upset, worried, uninspired, sad
    • 当我们面对内心的恐惧时， 抛开“应该” ,然后我们就会发现“烦”随之消散，结果比我们规划的还要好
    • 引起我情緒的那些念頭都是真的嗎？
      • 當下，我的生命中，什麼才是真的？
      • 我提醒自己，只有我能对自己的情绪负责，从真实发生的事情中进入当下

  • 认真地做当下能做的最好的选择，未来就会是它最好的样子； 放下对未来的期待和担忧

    • 做成那件事只是因为那件事是正确的事情，我们只是这件事中的一个工具，把你该做的事情做好，事情就成了
    • 我们能做的，不是觉得自己是救世主，而是把“自己”这个工具不断变得更好，把这件事做成

  • find your true purpose, and nurture your functional excellence

    • "each of us has some gift - a talent, a skill, a craft, a knack - that gives us pleasure and engage us, and the path to our happiness often lies within that gift"

• Set yourself free from fear

  • the freedom would empower one to face failure courageously
  • Fear is temporary. Regret is forever
  • already been living through the worst times

  • see this as an opportunity to be a new start

  • forgiveness can set you free

    • "I forgave all of those kids who mocked and teased me. I forgave them to unburden myself of anger and resentment. I like myself"

不确定性 -> 计划 vs 无为

• 放弃对确定性的执着

  • fear - 没有安全感

• 顺势而为，臣服于生活

  • 放下执念，而不是试着去掌控一切

• 交给生命之流去掌舵和安排，自己接受所有被命运带到面前之事物与境遇

  • 舍弃内心恐惧与抗拒，放弃内心声音对个体经验和人生经历的掌控
  • 淡然处之： 无畏的挣扎、顺应生命之流，坦然面对和“臣服”于生命

• 全心全意做面前的事情，尽力做到最好，不计较个人得失。 工作的时候要像为宇宙工作一般

  • 做成那件事只是因为那件事是正确的事情，我们只是这件事中的一个工具，把你该做的事情做好，事情就成了
  • 我们能做的，不是觉得自己是救世主，而是把“自己”这个工具不断变得更好，把这件事做成

notes

Do whatever is put in front of you with all your heart and soul without regard of personal resutls.

reference

• The Surrender Experiment
• 力量从哪里来 by 李一诺