How to improve your softskills

向上管理 - 管理你的上司, 讓他變成你個人成功的資源

• 真诚 是唯一方法
• 如何帮助我的主管更成功?

了解主管的管理风格, 并顺势调整你的行为

向下管理

Team-work

• Motivation - why do we join groups in the first place?

• Goal

  • individual goals and the overall goal of the team
  • look at motivation
    • Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

• Personal communication style

  • Verbal
  • Nonverbal
  • Listening

• the factor of roles

  • task roles

    • Information provider - present new dieas, topics
    • information Seeker - ask for more information, organize data
    • Gatekeeper
      • make every team member understand its role and input the best they have as much as help them feel valuable
      • keep the conversations from being one-sided and ensure equal distribution of responsibilities and contributions

  • maintenance roles

    • supporter
      • keep the team encouraged
      • keep members participating and sharing valuable input
      • make a group fun and relaxed

    • harmonizer

      • help manage the group conflict and disagreement

    • Interpreter

      • have people like these who understand intercultural differences
      • ensure everyone is understood
    • recorder

  • negative roles

    • Monopolizer
      • make excessive verbal contributions, preventing equal participation by other group members
    • Withdrawer
      • participates only when strongly encouraged or forced to

• Norms

  • the Unwritten rules of communication
  • developed over time
  • around time and language

• Leadership

  • autocratic leader

  • democratic leader

    • people are engaged and participative in diff ways

  • Laissez-faire leader

    • do not control or really participate in the group at all

    • might just come to the table and charge the group with a task and be on their way

    • check back periodically to check up on things

  • ascertain the level of readiness or maturity of the group

    • is it highly mature group or is it the continuum?
    • two factor: ability and willingness
      • ability - do they have the knowledge and skill set to do so?
      • willingness - are they motivated to do it?

  • four leadership styles

    • delegating

      • more or less the laissez-faire style
      • when needs to charge the group and let the group get to work

    • participating

      • help a group along
      • coach them how to do things
      • coach - if we have a group that's willing to do something but not able
      • train them on how to do it and let them do it

    • Selling

      • just in inspiring them to use their talents
      • able to do things but really not willing

    • telling

      • much more of the autocratic leadership style

• Team decision making

  • majority voting
  • third party
    • listen to pros and cons, and decide for the group
  • Consensus decision making

• Conflict

  • separate the problem from the people
  • search for common purpose

High Performance Collaboration

Leadership

• Growth Mindset

  • the could learn and respond in the face of challenge

  • are more resilient

  • know how to fail is a key leadship skill

• leadership style

  • Theory X

    • 交换

  • Theory Y + based on people want to contribute and self-motivated to perform good + inspire people to excel not by administering rewards or publishement, but by empowering others and giving them authority

    • create a gift culture through contributing to the enterprise

  • task-focused leaders

    • focus on getting work done
    • meeting performance objectives
    • being productive

  • person-focused leaders

    • care about people
    • care about their welfare
    • seek to build trusting relationship

  • Situational Leadership Model

    • from delegating, supporting, coaching, directing based on task and relationship bechavor

  • Summary

    • your leadership style and recognize styles in others
    • know your strengths and weaknesses
    • which style would be most useful for the goals of your organization?
    • what can u do to begin to develop this style?
    • who can be part of your support system in your leader ship development?
    • each of us is a work in progress, and we are never complete.

• Motivation, Emotion, and Cognition

  • a lot of benefits of being engaged and in lvoe with work

  • two types of Motivation

    • Intrinsic motivation is driven by internal rewards with a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, or making the world a better place
      • like they could improve their health, and contribute to the community

    • Extrinsic Motivation is driven by the promise of extrinsic rewards like money, resources, or material gain

      • like they could save money or gain a good public image

    • affirm intrinsic motivation can lead to greater insight, and better performance

  • The How of Happiness

    • 40% intentional activity like helping others, adopting a positive attitude, exercise, striving for goals
    • perform better at work
    • better social

  • Decision Making

    • Most decision-makers are risk-averse when it comes to good things like making money, saving lives
    • But risk-seeing when it comes to negative things
    • Confirmation Bias
  • people seek info that confirms what they wanna believe
    • Decision Fatigue
  • the act of making decisions produces fatigue

  • they want to be mentally fresh

  • four steps to make decision

    • Build in tests of disconfirmatin

  • what would prove you wrong?

  • Reward team members for providing controversial data

    • Establish policies in advance of obtaining outcome
    • Bring in outsiders, but don't tell them your preferred course of action

• People Skills

  • Emotional Intelligence
    • how to work with other people and and how to manage yourself
    • Self-Awareness
  • understanding ourselves and seeing ourselves as others see us
  • know the emotions and the factors that lead to the emotions and how they are perceived by others

  • 360-degree evaluation

  • other-Awareness - empathy

  • Self-Management

    • how to appropriately regulate our emotions, particuly negative ones
    • how to deal with frustration, anger before it becomes an ill-fated

  • Relationship Management

  • Increase your own Organizational Intelligence

    • who are your trusted advisors?
    • Are u nurturing those relationships?
    • How can u act as a bridge between people and groups that should be connected?

• Cultural Intelligence

  • face cultures - like china
    • derive their self worth from earning the respect of others
  • Dignity Cultures - like american
    • strong speaking their mind and being self-reliant
    • their own self worth is self determined they are comfortable in direct, rational, fact-based conversation
    • status and titles are not nearly as important as information and talent
  • Honor cultures - middle East, south Asia, latin America
    • socially claimed, express emotion

Build your Teamwork - how to design and lead high performance teams

• goal-setting

  • tactical teams - like basketball team, the flight crew

    • need clarity
    • training togeter

  • problem-solving team - Trust is the key

    • benevolence-based trust: I trust your intentions
    • competency-based trust: I trust your expertise

  • creative teamwork

    • need autonomy

  • notes

    • know the goal of your team
    • set the stage for optimal performance

• Size and Diversity

  • Size

    • Teams should be between five and nine members
    • choose the fewest number of people possible to accomplish the task

  • Diversity

    • most people choose members based upon personality, not expertise
    • the ideal type of diversity is deep level Diversity based on expertise, training ,thinking styles
    • Faultline: or you will separate teams into distinct subgroups based on sttributes, such as race, gender, functional area, etc.
      • create energy and excitement around the task
      • when conflict emerges, build trust

  • notes:

    • assemble the fewest number of people possible
    • what skills and expertise does each person uniquely bring tothe team?
    • avoid homogeneity
    • check for faultline
    • Diverse teams do have potential for more conflict
      • need some conflict management skills

• Roles and Rules

  • Leader and Team Responsibility

    • Manager-led team
    • Self-managing teams
      • not only executes the task, but also in charge of monitoring and managing their own performance
      • like "we had a meeting, and we will deliver the final report in eight weeks, and we will update you every fortnight. And we're having our ownmeetings on Thursdays to which you're not invited."

  • Self-directing team

    • do self-managing teams do
    • also, they select, recruit, and staff the team
    • they have border control
    • like "the team announces that they've added gREG AND lISA TO THE TEAM."

  • Self-governing teams

    • do self-directing teams do
    • they have some influence over the larger organization
    • like "they may shape strategic direction and new initiatives"

  • Rules of engagement

    • norms are set within microseconds of team's first meeting
    • be proactive
    • have clear rules of engagement

  • Team Design

    • your experience level as compared to that of your team
    • the organizational culture
    • how over-committed you are
    • risk: if you are not transparent about your relationship with the team, the risk you task is that people will feel over-managed or under-led.

  • notes

    • it's never too late to develop a team charter
    • Treat the charter like a live document
      • living document written by all team members
      • including goals, responsibilities, norms
      • what's working?
      • what's not working ?
      • what should be added

  • What kind of a relationship do u want with your team?

Team Decision Making

• Evidence-Based Management

  • Teams should make decisions like scientists
  • notes:
    • use debate norms not politeness norms
    • leave status and titles at the door
    • conduct private votes on sensitive, important issues
    • invite different perspectives
    • hold multiple, short meetings not one long meeting
    • create an environment where teams and their leaders don't fear failture

• Optimizing Conflict

  • relationship conflict

    • personality-based conflict
    • negatively affect group performance

  • task conflict

    • disagreements about the work to be done, not attacks on the people
    • may help group performance

  • address relationship conflict

    • team re-design

      • examine the structure of the team
      • what is the environment like?
      • are the work tasks equitably distributed?
      • how many people are on the team?
      • who did they report to?

    • team coaching

    • teaching conflict skills
    • personal coaching

• Virtual Teams

  • traditional

  • virtual

  • hybrid
  • notes:
    • casual conversation before business
    • don't use e-mail if you can pick up the phone
    • only good news is delivered via email
    • anything sensitive, complex, or negative is done face to face or by phone
    • put away the technology when meeting face to face

• Team Creativity

  • creativity is production of novel and useful ideas
    • ideas

  • Innovation is production of actual ideas in the forms of products and services

    • implementation

  • notes

    • allow the team to generate a high volume of ideas ang set aside judgement
    • individuals are more creative than teams
    • strive for quantity, not quality

Negotiation

• Preparation and Leverage

  • develop your BATNA - Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

    • plan B - reservation price
    • The stronger your BATNA, the more leverage you have in the negotiation

    • the BATNA tell you when to talk, not when to sign

    • You always have a BATNA

    • Always improve your BATNA
    • Never reveal your BATNA to the counter-party
      • If you do, you give up all your leverage

    • Signal to the other party that you have "attractive options"

    • Once you determine your BATNA, then devise your reservation price

      • the lowest amount you can agree to or hightest one you can pay inside a negotiation

  • Target Points and Anchoring

    • set a target point - do as much research as I can

      • your interests -> what is really important to you
      • market conditions -> research better data than the counter-party
      • information about the counter-party's BATNA
        • gain leverage
      • then you positioned yourself to reach your goal
      • cordial, engaged, and direct

    • estimate the ZOPA - zone of possible agreement

      • Bargaining Zone

    • open first only if you are prepared

      • the person who make the first offer has a strategic advantage
        • first offers act as anchors

    • Immediately re-anchor if the other party opens first

    • Plan your opeing offer and carry it out
    • Never ask is this negotiable; always negotiate

  • The Art of concession

    • make large number of small concessions
    • Avoid unilateral concessions
    • Be precise
    • You have far more leverage with your offers if you provide a rationale

• Win-Win Negotiation

  • Win-Win Negotiation

    • if you never share our interests, we cannot reach win-win outcomes
    • split the negotiation into several parts
    • prioritize your interests
    • reveal your interests

    • ask questions about the other party's priorities

      • what is more valuable to you - X or Y?
      • what is your rank ordering of the issues?
      • Would you rather I made a concession on issue Z or issue W?
      • If I gave what you wanted on Z could you give me ehat I need on Y.

    • devise multi-issue proposals that logroll parties' interests.

      • value-added
      • tradeoff

  • Creating Value

    • Bet between parties who have diff beliefs that can be tested with time and data

      • check your over-confidence: like you have better data
      • make sure the incentives are aligned
      • be clear about what data will be used
      • make sure you can pay the bet if you lose

    • make multi-issue proposals

      • Do not reveal the monetary value of the proposals
      • explain you are indifferent among the proposals
      • if they reject, ask to rank order in terms of acceptability
      • set aside questions of accept and reject
        • you can discren their interests

    • Once you reach agreement, Post-deal conversation

      • after negotiators reach a deal, this is a commitment unless both parties are willing to change .

      • explain to the counter-party that the process is mutual value creation

      • need trust to have post-deal

      • consider your opportunity costs

    • Notice

      • refuse to share any information severely reduces win-win potential

• Disputes and Conflict Escalation

  • Interests, Rights and Power

    • Power moves are essentially threats
    • Rights strategy
      • like fair standards, legal precedent, customer service, maket conditins, past practice, the policy ...
    • Interests strategy
      • understand the needs and interests of the other party
      • separate the people from the problem

  • how to change Rights and Power into Interests

    • Ask "why" and "why not" questions

    • don't focus on a single option

      • Attempt to generate multiple options or courses of action

    • reward the use of interest by the other party

  • redirect rights and power-based negotiators back to interest

    • Don't reciprocate
    • Don't get personal attach - not you ...
      • "I'm frustrated now because this is a really important matter for me"

    • Send a mixed-message

      • like mixed power+interest or right-interest

    • meet face to face

  • Conditions under which using rights or power is warranted

    • when the other party will not come to the table
    • when you have exhausted all of your options on interest
      • "look, I'm running out of optimism here. My goal is to settle this but I fear that I mgiht need to seek legal council. Do u have any ideas?"

    • when the other party is not taking you seriously

    • Be clear about what actions are needed

    • help parties "save face"
    • the whole idea is to de-escalate conflict

  • Reputation

    • Manage our reputation in negotiation
    • See unbiased feedback
    • need to be proactive
      • "ask questions, ask for evidence, suggest contingencies when the information you need is not available"

职场心法 - 面试 - 面试是有效沟通，通过沟通展示自己的价值

• 准备 - 一开始给面试官留下好印象 - 不同情况的预案

  • 通过一些渠道事先了解面试官
  • 给予面试官足够的尊重
  • 谦虚，自信而落落大方
  • 面试的一个重要目的是找到可以一同工作的人
  • 复述问题以及理解提问的意图
    • 考察哪方面的知识或能力
    • 主动寻求帮助， 比如询问是否给一些提示
  • “今天交通有点堵，好在我留足了时间，能到贵公司面试很兴奋”
    • 介绍一两处自己身上最能吸引对方的特点，而且是简历中没有传递的信息
  • 考察对公司有多了解 - 先肯定再做一些铺垫 - ”产品和服务已经很好了； 有一些想法不知道是否靠谱或者你们已经考虑过了，不过我还是讲出来“
  • 展现自己能够胜任工作， 还需要展现自己的风采
    • 让人觉得可以给单位带来价值，有助于单位的发展，同时让周围的人感到愉悦
    • 互补性
    • 未来的价值 - 自己的一技之长 + 快速学习的人

• 薪资

  • 重点放在提高职级上
  • “根据现在市场的行情， 我这种经验的人可以拿到 ...”

• 公司的选择

  • 对员工好, 对顾客好, 对投资人好
  • 以一方面做得很好, 另外两方面做得不太差, 就很不错了

• 个人在职场 - 根据我们的特长保住一头

  • 对领导负责
    • 如果领导倒台, 最好识趣主动换一个地方, 因为难免得罪人
  • 对公司负责
    • 只要干得好, 领导也认
  • 对周围同事和下属负责

职场心法 - 有效沟通

• 好消息要当面通知对方，至少要用电话通知对方；或者发邮件，约当面聊一个好消息，而不是直接通过邮件告诉对方好消息是什么
  • 奖金一定要当面交到他们手里
  • 如果有好消息，约上司当面汇报，不要在邮件中透露太多细节

• 坏消息

  • 不是很重要，邮件通知即可

• 主观的事情尽可能面对面沟通，客观的事情可以用邮件

  • 主观看法，最好不要给对方留底
  • 说服别人的事情，都属于主观沟通
    • 谈完合作，用邮件让对方确认我们谈过的内容
  • 涉及法律问题的事情（比如专利）， 或者讲竞争对手坏话的言论
    • 包括告同事状，向领导诉说委屈， 不能有文字记录

职场心法 - 提防腐蚀者和小人 - 避免成为牺牲品

• 腐蚀者

  • 作用利大于弊, 是一种督促, 让我们变得更好

  • 人数比较多的单位 往往存在腐蚀者

  • 避免

• 识别和防范小人

  • 小人只会利用你的一个或几个弱点, 让你获得一些局部利益,但 损害你长期的,根本的最大利益
  • 善良的人会从你的最大利益出发, 对你好
    • 判断不清楚对方对自己好的目的, 也看不到自己所作所为的后果
    • 小人在对我们好的时候, 根本没有考虑我们的最大利益, 只想赚他们自己的利益

  • 不仅要看他对我们怎么样, 还要看他对周围的人怎么样

    • 看那些来巴结的人, 平时是如何跟其他人相处的
    • 一个人如果失势, 小人通常不会搭理的

  • 看一个人周围都是些什么人, 就能从侧面了解这个人

  • 戒贪

    • 不要贪小便宜 - 什么事情该怎么做就怎么做
  • 不要把过分亲的关系当回事
    • 不要把人想的太好
  • 就事论事, 对事不对人
    • 目标是把事情做好 - 只要对方在这件事情上信守承诺 就 ok

和上司打交道

• 更好的沟通

  • 在不得罪人的情况下， 能做出成绩，很快会遇到同盟进而受人尊重和喜欢
  • 别过分在意别人怎么看你，想想该怎么去实现你的目标
    • 讲话和做事特别的直来直去，私下则非常轻松愉快，还会常常组织大家出去 Happy Hour
    • 坚定地告诉别人， 我要做什么什么了，如果有反对意见请提出来
    • 坚定，包括肯定且确切地表达正面或负面的意见
  • 对做事情要有 Ownership
    • 不要潜意识地撇清和推诿责任

• 和做此决定的大老板做一次平心静气的谈话

  • 了解一下大老板对你的职业安排，并了解 TA 在做此决定时对你的有待提高的部分的分析，以便你有的放矢地去改进。
  • 同时，阐明你明白短期之内同一部门你升职的机会有限，咨询大老板分管的其他部门有没有合适的升迁或者平移的机会。毕竟，有一种可能性，新提拔的老板可能也希望你找到别的机会，减少尴尬。

leadships

• 是失败了又爬起来的例子
• 所谓 “领军人物”，并不全是本身做得最好的人，而是最自信的，最不怕失败的，最愿意帮助别人，并从帮助激励别人当中进一步培养自己的自信，创造奇迹的人

分享利益, 独立决定

• 分享利益, 独立决定

  • 负责人 先征求上下左右一些人(相关人)的意见, 拿出一个方案
    • 主要看有无遗漏,有无质疑的声音
    • 如有质疑, 评估一下是否有道理; 然后负责人自己就把这件事情决定了
  • 做决策并不想一次性解决所有问题, 而是追求在原有基础上取得进步, 有瑕疵也没关系
  • 独立决断背后是每一个人本身的责任

• skills

  • 不问做错事是否有理由, 而是确定当前是否做错事
    • 如果错了, 该怎么解决就怎么解决
    • 是否其他人造成这个人做错, 是另外一件事

• 互相帮助,互相提携

  • 把帮忙者都作为参与者

• 追求共好

  • 支持彼此的工作，肯定彼此的努力，不受困于个人的恩怨好恶
  • 分享利益, 决策自己做就好了

Updating

• Be a grat communicator

  • Imparting information

    • know your audience
      • think about the concerns of the audience, and the right level of detail and granularity for your message
    • less is more
      • not everyone love details
    • More is also better - but when it comes to frequency
      • providing infor and keeping people up to date and providing insight into your work to improve your visibility and career

  • Verbal communication

    • preparation is the key to success
    • know your audience
      • who are they, and what do they wanna know?
      • what are their problems or concerns?
    • communicate at the right level
      • is your audience knowledgeable on your topic?
      • do u need present backgournd or cut to the chase?
    • understand the context
      • what else is happening in the word/industry on the same topic ?
      • how can u differentiate and add value ?
      • make sure you know happenings so yo ucan speak intelligently about it
    • practice
      • practice for any talk or presentation

  • written communication

    • put the important part first

• being a great teammate

  • generally happy, positive people
    • being positve and looking at each day and project as an opportunity
  • bring solutions, not just problems
    • "what he would do to address his concern"
    • come up with some potential solutions
  • give credit to others, and always take responsibility
    • people want to be liked, admired and feel valued
  • have a good attitude
    • reassure yourself

• have a good relationship with your boss

  • the clues in the submitter’s style and communications behaviour instead - indications that the person has been in their shoes

  • The right attitude is helpful, respectful of the maintainer’s time, quietly confident but unassuming

  • on time

  • know your manager's communication style and methods

    • ask his preferred way of communication and delivery of requirements

  • your job is to make your manager look good

    • help your boss do her job - see yourself as a complement
    • avoid falling into the trap of not fitting the job description

  • do more than expected (new and better ways)

  • ask for feedback

    • schedule to inform him about what I have been working on
    • communicate often, be respectful, ask questionss

  • let your manager (and teammates) know what you have completed

  • make sure the work you are doing aligns with the priorities of the team/project/company

    • add with new status communications - either in your 1:1s or in email
    • like Is there anything else more important that I should consider doing?"
    • "Are these the right set of priorities?"

  • Solicit regular feedback

    • listen intently and be gracious
      • like "Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your view of the situation. I am going to reflect on this for now, but may want to discuss details later on "
    • ask good questions
      • "do u have an feedback for me"
      • "How could I have made this more useful/better"

• 持续强化自己的各项智识与技能

  • 开会时练习表达自己的意见入手， 开会时有实质准备及热忱参与，至少表达一次意见或提出一个问题

  • 多数决策者所追求的是“相对妥适”的结果； 而组织里不同层级的人，其责任是在主管最终决策拍板前，提供不同视角的意见与方案，以降低决策风险，同时极大化决策的价值

  • 专注手上的工作，认真工作，仔细办事

  • “做事”－完善细节，做好本分

  • 很认真，努力完成每件事，为自己打气，持续面对挑战而不气馁

• 善于沟通

  • 表达方式， 能让听着易于理解； 善于倾听，能理解别人语句背后的意涵
  • 在汇报时，能有系统地说明报告内容，并提出具体可行的方案
  • 心绪智能 － 维持稳定且优异的工作状态

• 如何被广泛信任

  • 应该让别人了解你； 对团队外的人，通过责任和博知建立信任；
  • 不要不懂装懂

• 交流

  • 与非工程师交流时，应该时刻去理解观众；
  • 花一点时间询问你是否在有效地交流，以及你可以怎样把它做得更好； 如果有问题，寻找方法去提高你自己的实践
  • 向别人指出一个问题的最好方法是同时提供一个解决方案,其次是呼吁他们寻求帮助
  • 与 boss 聊一聊，需要做什么才能获得

• 好的人际关系

  • 礼貌，见面也是微笑
  • 做一个“主动型“的帮助别人的人，主动关心人，关注别人的需要； 从行动上的实质性回报； 比如 举手之劳，照顾到别人的小需要。
  • “辨别说谎的，对付耍混的，用魅力征服其他人”
  • 主动帮别人，然后看看谁对你最好，然后你再对她好，良好互动

  “XXX, I know it might be a difficult day for you, and I really wanna do something for you if it helps. You have always been very very kind to me, like you are the first person to talk to me when I first came here.

  I was always an introvert, and on top of that, I was raised to be very reserved. So maybe I appear to be not compassionate enough. But deep down inside, I am really grateful for what you did, and I am really eager to do something for you in return. Please do let me know if there is anything I can do for you. "

• 多核对和澄清，不要话中带话

  • “Let me make sure I heard you right. What you mean is ..."
  • "Let me put it another way"
  • "Did I make myself clear?"

reference

• [向上管理, 向下管理]
• High Performance Collaboration: Leadership, Teamwork, and Negotiation
• Successful Negotiation: Essential Strategies and Skills
• 好的人际关系
• 6 个技巧帮你快速听出“画外音”