How to improve your softskills

2016-04-03

向上管理 - 管理你的上司, 讓他變成你個人成功的資源

  • 真诚 是唯一方法
  • 如何帮助我的主管更成功?
了解主管的管理风格, 并顺势调整你的行为

向下管理

Team-work

  • Motivation - why do we join groups in the first place?

  • Goal

    • individual goals and the overall goal of the team
    • look at motivation
      • Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

  • Personal communication style

    • Verbal
    • Nonverbal
    • Listening

  • the factor of roles

    • task roles

      • Information provider - present new dieas, topics
      • information Seeker - ask for more information, organize data
      • Gatekeeper
        • make every team member understand its role and input the best they have as much as help them feel valuable
        • keep the conversations from being one-sided and ensure equal distribution of responsibilities and contributions

    • maintenance roles

      • supporter
        • keep the team encouraged
        • keep members participating and sharing valuable input
        • make a group fun and relaxed

      • harmonizer

        • help manage the group conflict and disagreement

      • Interpreter

        • have people like these who understand intercultural differences
        • ensure everyone is understood
      • recorder

    • negative roles

      • Monopolizer
        • make excessive verbal contributions, preventing equal participation by other group members
      • Withdrawer
        • participates only when strongly encouraged or forced to

  • Norms

    • the Unwritten rules of communication
    • developed over time
    • around time and language

  • Leadership

    • autocratic leader

    • democratic leader

      • people are engaged and participative in diff ways

    • Laissez-faire leader

      • do not control or really participate in the group at all

      • might just come to the table and charge the group with a task and be on their way

      • check back periodically to check up on things

    • ascertain the level of readiness or maturity of the group

      • is it highly mature group or is it the continuum?
      • two factor: ability and willingness
        • ability - do they have the knowledge and skill set to do so?
        • willingness - are they motivated to do it?

    • four leadership styles

      • delegating

        • more or less the laissez-faire style
        • when needs to charge the group and let the group get to work

      • participating

        • help a group along
        • coach them how to do things
        • coach - if we have a group that's willing to do something but not able
        • train them on how to do it and let them do it

      • Selling

        • just in inspiring them to use their talents
        • able to do things but really not willing

      • telling

        • much more of the autocratic leadership style

  • Team decision making

    • majority voting
    • third party
      • listen to pros and cons, and decide for the group
    • Consensus decision making

  • Conflict

    • separate the problem from the people
    • search for common purpose

High Performance Collaboration

Leadership

  • Growth Mindset

    • the could learn and respond in the face of challenge

    • are more resilient

    • know how to fail is a key leadship skill

  • leadership style

    • Theory X

      • 交换

    • Theory Y + based on people want to contribute and self-motivated to perform good + inspire people to excel not by administering rewards or publishement, but by empowering others and giving them authority

      • create a gift culture through contributing to the enterprise

    • task-focused leaders

      • focus on getting work done
      • meeting performance objectives
      • being productive

    • person-focused leaders

      • care about people
      • care about their welfare
      • seek to build trusting relationship

    • Situational Leadership Model

      • from delegating, supporting, coaching, directing based on task and relationship bechavor

    • Summary

      • your leadership style and recognize styles in others
      • know your strengths and weaknesses
      • which style would be most useful for the goals of your organization?
      • what can u do to begin to develop this style?
      • who can be part of your support system in your leader ship development?
      • each of us is a work in progress, and we are never complete.

  • Motivation, Emotion, and Cognition

    • a lot of benefits of being engaged and in lvoe with work

    • two types of Motivation

      • Intrinsic motivation is driven by internal rewards with a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, or making the world a better place
        • like they could improve their health, and contribute to the community

      • Extrinsic Motivation is driven by the promise of extrinsic rewards like money, resources, or material gain

        • like they could save money or gain a good public image

      • affirm intrinsic motivation can lead to greater insight, and better performance

    • The How of Happiness

      • 40% intentional activity like helping others, adopting a positive attitude, exercise, striving for goals
      • perform better at work
      • better social

    • Decision Making

      • Most decision-makers are risk-averse when it comes to good things like making money, saving lives
      • But risk-seeing when it comes to negative things
      • Confirmation Bias
    • people seek info that confirms what they wanna believe
      • Decision Fatigue
    • the act of making decisions produces fatigue

    • they want to be mentally fresh

    • four steps to make decision

      • Build in tests of disconfirmatin

    • what would prove you wrong?

    • Reward team members for providing controversial data

      • Establish policies in advance of obtaining outcome
      • Bring in outsiders, but don't tell them your preferred course of action

  • People Skills

    • Emotional Intelligence
      • how to work with other people and and how to manage yourself
      • Self-Awareness
    • understanding ourselves and seeing ourselves as others see us
    • know the emotions and the factors that lead to the emotions and how they are perceived by others

    • 360-degree evaluation

    • other-Awareness - empathy

    • Self-Management

      • how to appropriately regulate our emotions, particuly negative ones
      • how to deal with frustration, anger before it becomes an ill-fated

    • Relationship Management

    • Increase your own Organizational Intelligence

      • who are your trusted advisors?
      • Are u nurturing those relationships?
      • How can u act as a bridge between people and groups that should be connected?

  • Cultural Intelligence

    • face cultures - like china
      • derive their self worth from earning the respect of others
    • Dignity Cultures - like american
      • strong speaking their mind and being self-reliant
      • their own self worth is self determined they are comfortable in direct, rational, fact-based conversation
      • status and titles are not nearly as important as information and talent
    • Honor cultures - middle East, south Asia, latin America
      • socially claimed, express emotion
Build your Teamwork - how to design and lead high performance teams

  • goal-setting

    • tactical teams - like basketball team, the flight crew

      • need clarity
      • training togeter

    • problem-solving team - Trust is the key

      • benevolence-based trust: I trust your intentions
      • competency-based trust: I trust your expertise

    • creative teamwork

      • need autonomy

    • notes

      • know the goal of your team
      • set the stage for optimal performance

  • Size and Diversity

    • Size

      • Teams should be between five and nine members
      • choose the fewest number of people possible to accomplish the task

    • Diversity

      • most people choose members based upon personality, not expertise
      • the ideal type of diversity is deep level Diversity based on expertise, training ,thinking styles
      • Faultline: or you will separate teams into distinct subgroups based on sttributes, such as race, gender, functional area, etc.
        • create energy and excitement around the task
        • when conflict emerges, build trust

    • notes:

      • assemble the fewest number of people possible
      • what skills and expertise does each person uniquely bring tothe team?
      • avoid homogeneity
      • check for faultline
      • Diverse teams do have potential for more conflict
        • need some conflict management skills

  • Roles and Rules

    • Leader and Team Responsibility

      • Manager-led team
      • Self-managing teams
        • not only executes the task, but also in charge of monitoring and managing their own performance
        • like "we had a meeting, and we will deliver the final report in eight weeks, and we will update you every fortnight. And we're having our ownmeetings on Thursdays to which you're not invited."

    • Self-directing team

      • do self-managing teams do
      • also, they select, recruit, and staff the team
      • they have border control
      • like "the team announces that they've added gREG AND lISA TO THE TEAM."

    • Self-governing teams

      • do self-directing teams do
      • they have some influence over the larger organization
      • like "they may shape strategic direction and new initiatives"

    • Rules of engagement

      • norms are set within microseconds of team's first meeting
      • be proactive
      • have clear rules of engagement

    • Team Design

      • your experience level as compared to that of your team
      • the organizational culture
      • how over-committed you are
      • risk: if you are not transparent about your relationship with the team, the risk you task is that people will feel over-managed or under-led.

    • notes

      • it's never too late to develop a team charter
      • Treat the charter like a live document
        • living document written by all team members
        • including goals, responsibilities, norms
        • what's working?
        • what's not working ?
        • what should be added

    • What kind of a relationship do u want with your team?

Team Decision Making

  • Evidence-Based Management

    • Teams should make decisions like scientists
    • notes:
      • use debate norms not politeness norms
      • leave status and titles at the door
      • conduct private votes on sensitive, important issues
      • invite different perspectives
      • hold multiple, short meetings not one long meeting
      • create an environment where teams and their leaders don't fear failture

  • Optimizing Conflict

    • relationship conflict

      • personality-based conflict
      • negatively affect group performance

    • task conflict

      • disagreements about the work to be done, not attacks on the people
      • may help group performance

    • address relationship conflict

      • team re-design

        • examine the structure of the team
        • what is the environment like?
        • are the work tasks equitably distributed?
        • how many people are on the team?
        • who did they report to?

      • team coaching

      • teaching conflict skills
      • personal coaching

  • Virtual Teams

    • traditional

    • virtual

    • hybrid
    • notes:
      • casual conversation before business
      • don't use e-mail if you can pick up the phone
      • only good news is delivered via email
      • anything sensitive, complex, or negative is done face to face or by phone
      • put away the technology when meeting face to face

  • Team Creativity

    • creativity is production of novel and useful ideas
      • ideas

    • Innovation is production of actual ideas in the forms of products and services

      • implementation

    • notes

      • allow the team to generate a high volume of ideas ang set aside judgement
      • individuals are more creative than teams
      • strive for quantity, not quality
Negotiation

  • Preparation and Leverage

    • develop your BATNA - Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

      • plan B - reservation price
      • The stronger your BATNA, the more leverage you have in the negotiation

      • the BATNA tell you when to talk, not when to sign

      • You always have a BATNA

      • Always improve your BATNA
      • Never reveal your BATNA to the counter-party
        • If you do, you give up all your leverage

      • Signal to the other party that you have "attractive options"

      • Once you determine your BATNA, then devise your reservation price

        • the lowest amount you can agree to or hightest one you can pay inside a negotiation

    • Target Points and Anchoring

      • set a target point - do as much research as I can

        • your interests -> what is really important to you
        • market conditions -> research better data than the counter-party
        • information about the counter-party's BATNA
          • gain leverage
        • then you positioned yourself to reach your goal
        • cordial, engaged, and direct

      • estimate the ZOPA - zone of possible agreement

        • Bargaining Zone

      • open first only if you are prepared

        • the person who make the first offer has a strategic advantage
          • first offers act as anchors

      • Immediately re-anchor if the other party opens first

      • Plan your opeing offer and carry it out
      • Never ask is this negotiable; always negotiate

    • The Art of concession

      • make large number of small concessions
      • Avoid unilateral concessions
      • Be precise
      • You have far more leverage with your offers if you provide a rationale

  • Win-Win Negotiation

    • Win-Win Negotiation

      • if you never share our interests, we cannot reach win-win outcomes
      • split the negotiation into several parts
      • prioritize your interests
      • reveal your interests

      • ask questions about the other party's priorities

        • what is more valuable to you - X or Y?
        • what is your rank ordering of the issues?
        • Would you rather I made a concession on issue Z or issue W?
        • If I gave what you wanted on Z could you give me ehat I need on Y.

      • devise multi-issue proposals that logroll parties' interests.

        • value-added
        • tradeoff

    • Creating Value

      • Bet between parties who have diff beliefs that can be tested with time and data

        • check your over-confidence: like you have better data
        • make sure the incentives are aligned
        • be clear about what data will be used
        • make sure you can pay the bet if you lose

      • make multi-issue proposals

        • Do not reveal the monetary value of the proposals
        • explain you are indifferent among the proposals
        • if they reject, ask to rank order in terms of acceptability
        • set aside questions of accept and reject
          • you can discren their interests

      • Once you reach agreement, Post-deal conversation

        • after negotiators reach a deal, this is a commitment unless both parties are willing to change .

        • explain to the counter-party that the process is mutual value creation

        • need trust to have post-deal

        • consider your opportunity costs

      • Notice

        • refuse to share any information severely reduces win-win potential

  • Disputes and Conflict Escalation

    • Interests, Rights and Power

      • Power moves are essentially threats
      • Rights strategy
        • like fair standards, legal precedent, customer service, maket conditins, past practice, the policy ...
      • Interests strategy
        • understand the needs and interests of the other party
        • separate the people from the problem

    • how to change Rights and Power into Interests

      • Ask "why" and "why not" questions

      • don't focus on a single option

        • Attempt to generate multiple options or courses of action

      • reward the use of interest by the other party

    • redirect rights and power-based negotiators back to interest

      • Don't reciprocate
      • Don't get personal attach - not you ...
        • "I'm frustrated now because this is a really important matter for me"

      • Send a mixed-message

        • like mixed power+interest or right-interest

      • meet face to face

    • Conditions under which using rights or power is warranted

      • when the other party will not come to the table
      • when you have exhausted all of your options on interest
        • "look, I'm running out of optimism here. My goal is to settle this but I fear that I mgiht need to seek legal council. Do u have any ideas?"

      • when the other party is not taking you seriously

      • Be clear about what actions are needed

      • help parties "save face"
      • the whole idea is to de-escalate conflict

    • Reputation

      • Manage our reputation in negotiation
      • See unbiased feedback
      • need to be proactive
        • "ask questions, ask for evidence, suggest contingencies when the information you need is not available"

职场心法 - 面试 - 面试是有效沟通，通过沟通展示自己的价值

  • 准备 - 一开始给面试官留下好印象 - 不同情况的预案

    • 通过一些渠道事先了解面试官
    • 给予面试官足够的尊重
    • 谦虚，自信而落落大方
    • 面试的一个重要目的是找到可以一同工作的人
    • 复述问题以及理解提问的意图
      • 考察哪方面的知识或能力
      • 主动寻求帮助， 比如询问是否给一些提示
    • “今天交通有点堵，好在我留足了时间，能到贵公司面试很兴奋”
      • 介绍一两处自己身上最能吸引对方的特点，而且是简历中没有传递的信息
    • 考察对公司有多了解 - 先肯定再做一些铺垫 - ”产品和服务已经很好了； 有一些想法不知道是否靠谱或者你们已经考虑过了，不过我还是讲出来“
    • 展现自己能够胜任工作， 还需要展现自己的风采
      • 让人觉得可以给单位带来价值，有助于单位的发展，同时让周围的人感到愉悦
      • 互补性
      • 未来的价值 - 自己的一技之长 + 快速学习的人

  • 薪资

    • 重点放在提高职级上
    • “根据现在市场的行情， 我这种经验的人可以拿到 ...”

  • 公司的选择

    • 对员工好, 对顾客好, 对投资人好
    • 以一方面做得很好, 另外两方面做得不太差, 就很不错了

  • 个人在职场 - 根据我们的特长保住一头

    • 对领导负责
      • 如果领导倒台, 最好识趣主动换一个地方, 因为难免得罪人
    • 对公司负责
      • 只要干得好, 领导也认
    • 对周围同事和下属负责

职场心法 - 有效沟通

  • 好消息要当面通知对方，至少要用电话通知对方；或者发邮件，约当面聊一个好消息，而不是直接通过邮件告诉对方好消息是什么
    • 奖金一定要当面交到他们手里
    • 如果有好消息，约上司当面汇报，不要在邮件中透露太多细节

  • 坏消息

    • 不是很重要，邮件通知即可

  • 主观的事情尽可能面对面沟通，客观的事情可以用邮件

    • 主观看法，最好不要给对方留底
    • 说服别人的事情，都属于主观沟通
      • 谈完合作，用邮件让对方确认我们谈过的内容
    • 涉及法律问题的事情（比如专利）， 或者讲竞争对手坏话的言论
      • 包括告同事状，向领导诉说委屈， 不能有文字记录

职场心法 - 提防腐蚀者和小人 - 避免成为牺牲品

  • 腐蚀者

    • 作用利大于弊, 是一种督促, 让我们变得更好

    • 人数比较多的单位 往往存在腐蚀者

    • 避免

  • 识别和防范小人

    • 小人只会利用你的一个或几个弱点, 让你获得一些局部利益,但 损害你长期的,根本的最大利益
    • 善良的人会从你的最大利益出发, 对你好
      • 判断不清楚对方对自己好的目的, 也看不到自己所作所为的后果
      • 小人在对我们好的时候, 根本没有考虑我们的最大利益, 只想赚他们自己的利益

    • 不仅要看他对我们怎么样, 还要看他对周围的人怎么样

      • 看那些来巴结的人, 平时是如何跟其他人相处的
      • 一个人如果失势, 小人通常不会搭理的

    • 看一个人周围都是些什么人, 就能从侧面了解这个人

    • 戒贪

      • 不要贪小便宜 - 什么事情该怎么做就怎么做
    • 不要把过分亲的关系当回事
      • 不要把人想的太好
    • 就事论事, 对事不对人
      • 目标是把事情做好 - 只要对方在这件事情上信守承诺 就 ok

和上司打交道

  • 更好的沟通

    • 在不得罪人的情况下， 能做出成绩，很快会遇到同盟进而受人尊重和喜欢
    • 别过分在意别人怎么看你，想想该怎么去实现你的目标
      • 讲话和做事特别的直来直去，私下则非常轻松愉快，还会常常组织大家出去 Happy Hour
      • 坚定地告诉别人， 我要做什么什么了，如果有反对意见请提出来
      • 坚定，包括肯定且确切地表达正面或负面的意见
    • 对做事情要有 Ownership
      • 不要潜意识地撇清和推诿责任

  • 和做此决定的大老板做一次平心静气的谈话

    • 了解一下大老板对你的职业安排，并了解 TA 在做此决定时对你的有待提高的部分的分析，以便你有的放矢地去改进。
    • 同时，阐明你明白短期之内同一部门你升职的机会有限，咨询大老板分管的其他部门有没有合适的升迁或者平移的机会。毕竟，有一种可能性，新提拔的老板可能也希望你找到别的机会，减少尴尬。

leadships

  • 是失败了又爬起来的例子
  • 所谓 “领军人物”，并不全是本身做得最好的人，而是最自信的，最不怕失败的，最愿意帮助别人，并从帮助激励别人当中进一步培养自己的自信，创造奇迹的人

分享利益, 独立决定

  • 分享利益, 独立决定

    • 负责人 先征求上下左右一些人(相关人)的意见, 拿出一个方案
      • 主要看有无遗漏,有无质疑的声音
      • 如有质疑, 评估一下是否有道理; 然后负责人自己就把这件事情决定了
    • 做决策并不想一次性解决所有问题, 而是追求在原有基础上取得进步, 有瑕疵也没关系
    • 独立决断背后是每一个人本身的责任

  • skills

    • 不问做错事是否有理由, 而是确定当前是否做错事
      • 如果错了, 该怎么解决就怎么解决
      • 是否其他人造成这个人做错, 是另外一件事

  • 互相帮助,互相提携

    • 把帮忙者都作为参与者

  • 追求共好

    • 支持彼此的工作，肯定彼此的努力，不受困于个人的恩怨好恶
    • 分享利益, 决策自己做就好了

Updating

  • Be a grat communicator

    • Imparting information

      • know your audience
        • think about the concerns of the audience, and the right level of detail and granularity for your message
      • less is more
        • not everyone love details
      • More is also better - but when it comes to frequency
        • providing infor and keeping people up to date and providing insight into your work to improve your visibility and career

    • Verbal communication

      • preparation is the key to success
      • know your audience
        • who are they, and what do they wanna know?
        • what are their problems or concerns?
      • communicate at the right level
        • is your audience knowledgeable on your topic?
        • do u need present backgournd or cut to the chase?
      • understand the context
        • what else is happening in the word/industry on the same topic ?
        • how can u differentiate and add value ?
        • make sure you know happenings so yo ucan speak intelligently about it
      • practice
        • practice for any talk or presentation

    • written communication

      • put the important part first

  • being a great teammate

    • generally happy, positive people
      • being positve and looking at each day and project as an opportunity
    • bring solutions, not just problems
      • "what he would do to address his concern"
      • come up with some potential solutions
    • give credit to others, and always take responsibility
      • people want to be liked, admired and feel valued
    • have a good attitude
      • reassure yourself

  • have a good relationship with your boss

    • the clues in the submitter’s style and communications behaviour instead - indications that the person has been in their shoes

    • The right attitude is helpful, respectful of the maintainer’s time, quietly confident but unassuming

    • on time

    • know your manager's communication style and methods

      • ask his preferred way of communication and delivery of requirements

    • your job is to make your manager look good

      • help your boss do her job - see yourself as a complement
      • avoid falling into the trap of not fitting the job description

    • do more than expected (new and better ways)

    • ask for feedback

      • schedule to inform him about what I have been working on
      • communicate often, be respectful, ask questionss

    • let your manager (and teammates) know what you have completed

    • make sure the work you are doing aligns with the priorities of the team/project/company

      • add with new status communications - either in your 1:1s or in email
      • like Is there anything else more important that I should consider doing?"
      • "Are these the right set of priorities?"

    • Solicit regular feedback

      • listen intently and be gracious
        • like "Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your view of the situation. I am going to reflect on this for now, but may want to discuss details later on "
      • ask good questions
        • "do u have an feedback for me"
        • "How could I have made this more useful/better"

  • 持续强化自己的各项智识与技能

    • 开会时练习表达自己的意见入手， 开会时有实质准备及热忱参与，至少表达一次意见或提出一个问题

    • 多数决策者所追求的是“相对妥适”的结果； 而组织里不同层级的人，其责任是在主管最终决策拍板前，提供不同视角的意见与方案，以降低决策风险，同时极大化决策的价值

    • 专注手上的工作，认真工作，仔细办事

    • “做事”－完善细节，做好本分

    • 很认真，努力完成每件事，为自己打气，持续面对挑战而不气馁

  • 善于沟通

    • 表达方式， 能让听着易于理解； 善于倾听，能理解别人语句背后的意涵
    • 在汇报时，能有系统地说明报告内容，并提出具体可行的方案
    • 心绪智能 － 维持稳定且优异的工作状态

  • 如何被广泛信任

    • 应该让别人了解你； 对团队外的人，通过责任和博知建立信任；
    • 不要不懂装懂

  • 交流

    • 与非工程师交流时，应该时刻去理解观众；
    • 花一点时间询问你是否在有效地交流，以及你可以怎样把它做得更好； 如果有问题，寻找方法去提高你自己的实践
    • 向别人指出一个问题的最好方法是同时提供一个解决方案,其次是呼吁他们寻求帮助
    • 与 boss 聊一聊，需要做什么才能获得

  • 好的人际关系

    • 礼貌，见面也是微笑
    • 做一个“主动型“的帮助别人的人，主动关心人，关注别人的需要； 从行动上的实质性回报； 比如 举手之劳，照顾到别人的小需要。
    • “辨别说谎的，对付耍混的，用魅力征服其他人”
    • 主动帮别人，然后看看谁对你最好，然后你再对她好，良好互动

    “XXX, I know it might be a difficult day for you, and I really wanna do something for you if it helps. You have always been very very kind to me, like you are the first person to talk to me when I first came here.

    I was always an introvert, and on top of that, I was raised to be very reserved. So maybe I appear to be not compassionate enough. But deep down inside, I am really grateful for what you did, and I am really eager to do something for you in return. Please do let me know if there is anything I can do for you. "

  • 多核对和澄清，不要话中带话

    • “Let me make sure I heard you right. What you mean is ..."
    • "Let me put it another way"
    • "Did I make myself clear?"

reference