!Improving your judgment skills

2022-03-11

Man's Purpose in Life

  • some basic principles of existence

    • Acceptance of responsibility

    • Perseverance

    • Strive for excellence

      • happiness comes from the full use of one's power to achieve excellence

      • fill Life with achieving and exercising excellence

      • Mediocrity can destroy us as surely as perils far more famous

        • living with excellence

    • Creativity

      • To find an undeveloped situation, to see the possibilities, to decide upon a course of action, and then devote the whole of one's resources to carry it out, even if it means battling against the stream of contemporary opinion

    • take courage to stand and fight for

      • you have to start it over again each morning as the sun rises

    • the development of standards of ethical and moral conduct

  • Life must be felt, not observed

    • to create, to excel, and to be concerned about the world and its affairs

  • reference

making good decisions

  • focus on the process of making a decision

    • emotions are crucial in helping us come to a decision
    • need to listen to our feelings because we often have to live with the decisions that we have made
      • some of our deep-deated emotional reactions might come from those aspects of our personality that we are not able to change
    • the heart has its reasons which reason does not know

  • use a pros and cons list

    • good reasons or good consequences

  • spend more time thinking carefully about a difficult and important decision

  • Bayesian

    • observe -> find patterns -> create a short-cut framework -> realize your framework sucks

      • ask open-ended quesitons
      • seeing some patterns in the answers
      • make a framework from these patterns. now I can make decisions quickly
      • wait, this is a situation my framework does not account for, repeat

    • 先有碎片而后不断构建框架

      • 不断根据新的碎片 修正甚至打破旧的框架 并构建新的框架， 开始比较慢，但最终会后来居上
        • 先有框架后有碎片，容易上手，开始会看上去遥遥领先，但后面就僵化而无法增长
        • 框架固化后 最大坏处 是容易偏执的去 “占小便宜吃大亏”， 因为已经成为本

The Self-Awareness Onion

  • understanding your emotions

    • identify blind spots in ourselves and then expressing the affected emotions appropriately
    • fear -> angry, upset, worried, uninspired, sad
    • love

  • ask why we feel certain emotions

    • the root cause of the emotions that overwhelm us. Once we understand that root cause, we can ideally do something to change it
    • why do you feel uninspired? why do you feel worried?
      you failed to achieve some goal? what you consider success or failure?
    • 引起我情緒的那些念頭都是真的嗎？
    • 當下，我的生命中，什麼才是真的？
      • 我提醒自己，只有我能对自己的情绪负责，从真实发生的事情中进入当下

  • your underlying values

    • if you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and how you measure failure/success

    • values-based questions and the metric to assess progress toward that value

      • why do you feel such a need to be rich in the first place?
      • how am I choosing to measure myself?
        By what standard am I judging myself and everyone around me?
        Why do you consider this to be success/failure?

    • define good, healthy values

      • reality-based, socially constructive, immediate and controllable
      • can be achieved internally, immediate and controllable and engage you with the world
      • honesty (you have complete control over, reflects reality, and it benefits others), self-respect, curiosity, humility, creativity
        • open-minded,kind, honest, positive,responsible
      • bad values are generally reliant on exernal events, outside of your control, socially destructive or magic to achieve
        • manipulation or violence, being liked by everybody, feeling good all the time, not being liked by everybody

    • 当我们面对内心的恐惧时， 抛开“应该”
      然后我们就会发现“烦”随之消散，结果比我们规划的还要好

  • Values are about prioritization

    • you values determine the nature of your problems, the nature of your problems determines the quality of your lives
    • the question is your priorities, and that therefore influence your decision-making

  • reference

    • ch4 - The Value of Suffering

basic rules

  • 这个决定是被爱，激情或其他正能量的东西驱动，还是被恐惧所驱动

  • The Golden Mean - a balance between our rationality and our animal drives

    • confident yet courteous (polite and showing respect)

      • knowing you're worth and also be kind (humble and don't look down on others)
      • warmth and competence

    • appreciate the needs of the others while we need to advance our own interests and concerns

      • too much empathy (feeling the other person's emotions) making deep cooperation when they're likely to be exploited

    • Trust but verify

      • think carefully about what we do not want to believe,and what we want to believe, before we place our trust in others
        • establish a baseline (what constitutes "normal" behaviors), and start to ask pressing questions
        • actively look for those clues we hope not to find

  • Concentration

    • become true to yourself
    • only concentrate on matters truly important to you

  • continually review and refine

    • Gradually improve your thinking until you can't be manipulated or controlled

    • choose your friend group

      • meet someone who has the similar mindset & vision as you is better than finding a soul mate

  • Training your boundaries to be stronger than your heart

    • 俗文化： 显示的比实际的要弱一些

  • Set yourself free from fear

    • already been living through the worst times
    • the freedom would empower one to face failure courageously
    • see this as an opportunity to be a new start

THE Self-Awareness Onion

  • 自我对话

    • 不断地问自己问题并且不接受“想当然”的答案，能够连问五次为什么的时候， 都可以看到我们内心深处

  • understanding of one's emotions

    • identify blind spots in ourselves and the expressing the affected emotions appropriately
    • [2020-06-16-notes-on-the-love-skills]

  • why we feel certain emotions

    • why do you fell angry? is it because you failed?
    • help us understand the root cause of the emothions that overwhelm us
    • do something to change it

  • the third level is what you value, and how you measure failure/success

    • what standard I am judging myself and everyone around me
    • our values determine the nature of our problems, and the nature of our problems determines the quality of our lives
      • if you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success

    • "why does that seem true?"

      • "why do I consider this to be success/failure?"
      • " How am I choosing to measure myself?"

    • some good values - reality-based, socially constructive, immediate and controllable

      • the values are achieved internally, and can be experienced right now
      • good values: honesty, curiosity, creativity, standing up for oneself,nonviolence
      • bad values: dominance through manipulation or violence, being liked by everyone, ...

  • why or for what purpose?

  • self-improvement is about

    • prioritizing better values, choosing better things to give
    • when you give better fucks, you get better problems
    • when you get better problems, you get a better life
人生的路， 如何選擇

  • 如何看待自己 - 读自我的认知

    • 经常看自己有什么， 而不是没有什么
    • 多发扬自己的长处，把自己的长处和更优秀的人比

    • 真正的成功， 是活出自己的样子，也就是把自己的长处发挥到最大限度

    • 把每一次选择都作为了解自己的入口，慢慢就可以看到更多真相

      • 视角，情绪的思考和高效的执行力
      • 有了对自己这样的认识，自信而不自负

    • 独立思考， 不断纠正自己片面的判断

      • 学会换位思考，从多角度看问题

      • 任何议题或政策，都要筹集足够的资讯，分析正反两方利弊得失之后，再决定立场

        • 即便决定立场，应该也尊重与你选择不同的人，我们都希望越来越好，只是我们想法不同而已

      • 做成熟有判断力的人

        • 任何人跟你说的话，都不要照单全收，都可能有说错的时候

  • 如何看待他人 - 把每个人都看成老师和伙伴

    • 开放的心态引导别人分享， 用有效的方式问问题
      • 如果会问问题，就可以了解他人多年总结的有价值经验

    • 会问问题，这能帮助我们理解对面的人的真实需求和经验

      • 你为什么这么想？
      • 你认为最大的阻力是什么？

    • 做好自己，没有 “改变别人”的动机

  • 如何看待机会和欲望

    • 所有的决定都是微观的， 是在具体的环境里面对具体问题做出的

      • 在每一个小选择里改变思维方式，锻炼能力，获得对应的成长
      • 提高整体认知，选择做当下最适合自己，最值得做的事
      • 能做多少事和你的微观环境有关
        • 要重视，挑选和管理的，就是周围的“五六个人”
        • 最看重的 是否是我愿意与之一起工作的那一类人
      • start small, think big, experiment with ideas

    • 通过做事来“准备”的，而不是通过“准备”来做事的

      • 对于机会，你永远不会觉得你准备好了
      • 面对机会，没准备好不是问题，要勇敢把握，多“做”几次就好了
        多做就会积累经验，提高判断力

    • 区分有效欲望

      • 通过深度自我对话， 不断追问自己“为什么要做这件事，它有多重要，多紧急”； 理清不同目标的优先级

  • reference

    • ch16 - 力量从哪里来
making good decisions

  • Concentrate on the few important ones

    • the problem is a generic situation, and could only be solved through a decision which established a rule, a principle
    • clear specifications to what the decisions has to accomplish

  • focus on the process of making a decision

    • emotions are crucial in helping us come to a decision

    • need to listen to our feelings

      • some of our deep-deated emotional reactions might come from those aspects of our personality that we are not able to change
      • the heart has its reasons which reason does not know

    • put second order thinking

      • always ask "and then what"
        • think about the consequences
      • think through time
        • what do the consequences look like in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?
      • identify your decision and think through and write down the consequences
        • review these regularly you'll be able to help calibrate your thinking

  • How

    1. Think about the specifications - a detailed description of how something should be done, made, etc
      1.1 encourages opinions not facts (with relevance) firstly
      1.1.1 people who voice an opinion also take responsibility for defining what needs to be looked at, atudied, and tested

    2. explore the alternatives
      2.1 find the appropriate measurement - a risk-taking judgment
      2.1.1 look for the 'feedback' before the decision
      2.2 insist on alternatives of measurement so that they can choose the one appropriate one
      2.2.1 one does not make a decision unless there is disagreement

      • disagreement alone can provide alternatives to a decision
      • disagreement is needed to stimulate the imagination - a new and different way of perceiving and understanding
        2.2.2 find out why people disagree + converned first with understanding
      • use conflict of opinion as a tool to make sure all major aspects of an important matter are looked at carefully

    3. the risks and gains weighted
      3.1 act if the benefits greatly outweight cost and risk
      3.2 act or do not act; no half-action

    4. Do not rush into a decision unless you are sure you understand it

    5. A decision requires courage as much as it requires judgment

  • use a pros and cons list

    • good reasons or good consequences

  • spend more time thinking carefully about a difficult and important decision

  • reference

leadership

reference

  • [The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck]
  • [The Effective Executive]