Notes on Personal skills

能量提升

• 早睡早起

  • Start your day before the SUN - you can feel like a winner
  • look good, and feel good

• 识别真正消耗能量的压力来源

  • 负面情绪

    • 内心戏 -> 叫停内心戏的关键在于觉察，一旦觉察在内心编故事，赶快叫停止损

  • 压力

    • 写下来，辩真伪； 伪->不管； 真 - 定解决方案

Practice Confidence

• Don't over-apologize unless you did something wrong

  • express your sympathy (understanding or caring) or regret without actually apologizing
    • "I hope this hasn't been too much trouble" not "I'm sorry"

• catch yourself when you're good

  • stop negative self-talk

• Drop those who are constantly judging you

  • get away from people to take you down

• Expect success

  • focus on what you want rather than what you don't want

• take risks

  • focus on your growth

  • act like a boss

    • Took a while but you can deal
      • "Thanks for your patient" not "sorry for the delay"
    • I made a small error
      • "Thanks for letting me know" not "sorry my bad totally missed that"
    • Yeah, You are welcome
      • "always happy to help" not "no worry"
    • my schedule matters to
      • "could you do ...?" not "what works best for you?"
    • I know what I'm doing
      • "It'd be best if we ..." not "I think maybe we should ..."
    • working this is hard
      • "It'd be easier to discuss in person" not "rewriting email for 40 minutes"
    • Do you get it?
      • "Let me know if you have questions" not "Hopefully that makes sense?"
    • I have an appointment
      • "I will need to leave for at ..." not "Could I possibly leave early"
    • where the heck are we on this
      • "When can I expect an update" not "just wanted to check in"

• 不自信 -> 全然接纳真实的自我

  • 建立自信的前提 是我知道自己大概做到了什么程度，这时别人对我们的评价很重要
    但一旦自己有了概念，就需要从外界认可带来的自信过渡到内生的自我接纳和自信心

  • 对自己不接纳

    • 把评价自己的权利 拱手让给别人，希望通过别人的接纳来证明自己

  • 全然接纳真实的自我

    • 我当然会努力， 但努力的原因不是你告诉我满分是100分，我只有80分， 而是 因为我知道自己可以做得更好

  • 寻求支持， 自己争取，不依赖别人

    • 从寻求认可 到寻求支持， “我想做的事是这样，你可不可以支持我”
    • 有主见， 不依赖别人， 要自己争取
    • assertive, 有自己的东西； 有需要就一定会说出来，把他的要求说出来

  • 自信是对自己有合适，客观的看法

    • 一个人 即不把自己看得过于强大，也不把自己看得过于弱小
      • 积极面对自己，积极面对他人
      • 用正確的态度欣赏他人的优点

  • 相信自己有价值、有能力，并努力与他人建立亲密、有意义的联系，但并不认为自己高人一等

    • 而自恋者认为自己比别人优越，但自我价值感不一定很强。事实上，由于自恋者通常缺乏自我安全感，他们的自尊感几乎完全依赖于他人的认可。

skills

• think of rejection as a game and a part of life

• Establish yourself as someone worth knowing

  • help someone who has connected with me before (sharing, or added value to me)
  • seem important

• demonstrate social proof

  • get to know them is through someone else - ideally someone they know and trust
  • bring along someone who has eatablished themselves as aperson worth knowing
  • Align yourself with people you know are going to accomplish amazing things

• find common ground

  • begin with something agreeable

• if you ask for something, let them know they have a choice

  • remind your conversation partner that they have the choice to say no

• don't give them too many choices

  • just send them 2-3

• create positive associations - with yourself

  • try to listen more than you speak

    • "what is a book you read that left a big impression on you?"
    • "when was your last vacation? where did you go and what didi you do?"
    • "what has been your greatest success or accomplishement this year?"

  • if negative, express real empathy and concern, then turn to positive

• Tell a story

  • try telling a tale that will appeal to their emotions, not just logic
  • be willing to open up and share others and people will feel more inclined to share and take part in your journey

• Be confident - fake it until you make it

  • if you aren't comfortable do your best to put on a happy face and fake it
  • confidence will win over accuracy when it comes to earning the trust of other people

being trusted

You must be trustworthy. You must also be visible. If no one knows about you, no trust will be invested in you. you establish trust by being responsive and informative to those outside your department or team. Don't pretend to know something that you don't.

沟通能力

• 沟通之前先考虑清楚对方需要的是什么，绝对是对双方事半功倍的事情
• 说出“你的感受” （比如你这样说我，我很伤心），而不是 去为行为找理由
  • 讲”感受“的方式 （比如赞扬同事， 你那天给我一个表现的机会，我特别开心，觉得自己是团队的一部分） （比如： 希望对方 ）
• 打电话； 邮件约时间打电话； 不需要立刻回复／讨论的内容，发邮件

交流

• 用心听： 用心听对方的感受和目的, 别听情绪； 通过提问让对方说出来更多的有效信息

• 非正式交流值得任何事情去鼓励
  Everything possible should be done to encourage informal communication. More useful work is done during lunches with colleagues than during any other time.

Disagreement is a great opportunity to make a good decision. If you can support this decision even though you disagree, say so. This shows how valuable you are because you are independent and are not a yes-man, but respectful of the decision and a team player

• A good mentor is a lot better than a book. At a minimum, you should offer to study hard so their time won't be wasted.

work

• 主动向老板寻求反馈；主动问问上司，你的哪些工作令他们印象深刻，还有哪些方面需要改进
• 定期要求与之会面，定期了解他对你的看法

• 把重点放在应该完成哪些目标上， 更好地了解管理层对自己的期望，不仅涉及日常工作，还包括长期思维

• 自己的事情主动跟进，有什么问题就跟老板说，讨论， 如果不是自己管辖范围内的事情，别人开心就好 这里最重要的是你对你提出的问题已经找到合适的解决方案。

It is our job to do the hard and discern the impossible. it then becomes your job to help the entreprenuer find a reasonable solution which is merely hard and gets most of what they wanted. A solution is merely hard when it can be confidently scheduled and the risks are understood.

Life

• 在我们应对焦虑的时候， 需要学会一次只解决一个问题

• 核心能力的提升

  • 讲故事的能力；
  • 快速学习的能力，
  • 分析与解决问题的能力，
  • 创新能力

• 发现自己的天性，找到适合自己的定位，最大化自己的优势

  • 接受无法改变的，改变可以改变的
  • 性格特质
  • 动机
  • 价值观

• 广结善缘

  • 做事
  • 对人
    • 不要个人英雄主义
    • 长期投入，而不是想用的时候才培育

• 人际交往， 基于长久积累的信任；

  • 如果我们能够在自己力所能及的情况下，不计回报地给别人提供一些帮助
  • 年轻的时候，能多帮就多帮，别去计较一时得失

• Invest in people over things but be extremely selective with the people surround yourself with

reference

• On Insecurity and Confidence at Work – Leveling Up
• how to be a programmer
• 说话这件“小”事儿
• 年轻的时候，做什么才不会浪费