[AI Synthesis]: Don’t assume you know what they meant. Speak to impact; inquire about intentions. Good intentions do not erase bad impact — and intentions are often more complex than good or bad.
Don’t assume you know their intentions
- We attribute intentions based on the impact on us.
- We assume the worst; we assume bad intentions mean bad character; we treat ourselves more charitably.
- Speak to the impact; inquire about their intentions.
- Follow the action–impact–assumption path: our assumptions are guesses, subject to modification — share them as such, then hear what the other person says.
Good intentions do not erase bad impact
- Assuming good intentions erase bad impact changes the topic of the conversation.
- Intentions are often more complex than just “good” or “bad.”
- Listen for feelings, and reflect on your intentions.
Actions
- Name the impact on you; ask about their intentions instead of asserting them.
- Share your assumption as a guess open to disproof.
- When they claim good intent, still address impact; listen for feelings and check your own intentions.
Sources
| Source | Location | Role |
|---|---|---|
| notes/2026-08-29-difficult-conversations.md | ch3 Don’t assume they meant it | highlights |