[AI Synthesis]: Feelings sit at the heart of what’s wrong; unexpressed feelings block listening. Share the pure feeling first — “I feel…” — rather than only solving the problem.
Unexpressed feelings make it difficult to listen
- Feelings are at the heart of what’s wrong.
- Solving problems seems easier than talking about emotions.
- Unexpressed feelings can block our ability to listen.
Share pure feelings
- Just share: share pure feelings — your actual feelings, not only to get them out.
- Once we have expressed our own strong feelings, we can paint a more complete picture.
- State the pure feeling first: “I feel…”
- Negotiate with your feelings; know what they are.
Emotional footprint
- Exploring the contours of your footprint across a variety of relationships raises awareness of what you are likely to be feeling and why.
Actions
- If feelings are the real issue, address feelings.
- State the pure feeling first (“I feel…”); acknowledge feelings well.
- Close your eyes, take deep breaths, step away to calm down if you need to.
- Debrief with a mentor later if useful.
Sources
| Source | Location | Role |
|---|---|---|
| notes/2026-07-30-difficult-conversations.md | ch5 Have Your Feelings | highlights |