!!Build good Relationships

2020-03-24

Mentors

  • Pick out the best qualities and attributes of an individual and incorporating those things into your style and life

  • learn as much as you can that will help you be successful

  • How

    • bring questions and essentially set the agenda for the meeting

  • reference

Manage your Manager

  • good managers spend time thinking, coaching and growing their employees

    • Not all do this, or not have time, or they have a different set of strengths

  • learn to ask the right questions and get your manager to coach you

    • prepared to your one on one meeting with a list of topics or questions you would to cover
    • it shows you take the time to prepare and appreciate the other person's time
    • by asking them for questions and feedback, they become invested in your success
      • this is a great way to build a bunch of successful, senior advocates in your organization

  • Understanding expectations

    • the biggest miscommunication occurs when an employee misunderstands their role, or the expectations of that job

    • Asking some questions around your work, the success of others in the same role, and expectations, can help you calibrate and make sure that your energy is spent in the best way for the organization

    • "What are the most important aspects of this position?"

    • "What has made other [role] successful in this organization? Ask for examples"
    • "What are the most important deliverables for the team? Company? How can I play a bigger role?"
    • "Upon completion of a project - what went well? what could have been improved?"

  • Solicit feedback on your performance

    • Make sure you are always asking for how you could be better

    • Whenever a project completes, do a mini-postmortem with your manager on your contributions on the project

      • Ask them for feedback and listen to the answer
      • regardless of what they say, it is valuable, listen and reflect it on it later

    • "What could I do differently to better at my job?"

    • "What traits or experience do I need to develop to move up to the next level?"
    • "This week/month/year what have I done that was really great? From your viewpoint how could I apply that to future projects?"
    • "What is something I could have done better on project"
    • "Is there any part of my job where I am falling short? How do u think I could Improve?"

  • Getting involved in leadership

    • Understanding ways to do this that work well with your strengths is important and can help you bring your involvement and contributions to a much higher level
      • learning how to mentor and help others can be really valuable on any team (just make sure this never comes at the cost of your normal work)
    • "How can I support you (manager) better? How about the team?"
    • "What are the biggest challenges we face on the team? What about as a company?"
    • "What do u think are my strengths? How could I leverage them better to help the organization?"

  • Come to the table with solutions, not just problems

    • comes to the meeting with ideas and solutions on how to addrss your own complaints
    • Also, ask for their ideas too, working collaboratively together will build your working relationship and hopefully solve your complaint

  • Share your aspirations and goals

    • learning how to talk about eventual goals and the skills/experience you wanna develop to get there will help your manager recognize potential opportunities that may exist

  • Come to the table prepared

    • have an agenda
      • what are the most important things to discuss?

    • listen

      • it's a conversation, be sure to ask questions, listen to responses
      • or try taking notes

    • be punctual

      • show respect for their time
    • Accept feedback graciously
      • all feedback is valid - it is someone else's point of view
      • try to be considerate
    • Say thank you
      • your manager is your adovate
      • let them know they are appreciated for their time

  • reference

Peers

  • Give up control

    • Not handling one aspect of your job all by yourself
    • Being a good manager is all about delegating, even when working with other managers
    • Find ways to let other people help you, and let them know how much you appreciate their help.
    • Let them impress you with what they can do

  • Start understanding your peers

    • foucs on what this person really needs from you, and why
    • If you can understand your peers, you can reach agreements with them faster
      • You'll know how to reach them and what makes them take action or not, so you both get what you want
    • build understaning
      • "what drives this person's perspective?"
      • "What are their motivations and goals?"
      • "What is their favored method of communication?"
      • "What are their non-negotiables?"

  • Think as "us" not "me"

    • If you're doing your best work (and you know when you are) then having strong teammates who shine is a good thing

    • you're pat of a organization, so the stronger everyone, the better it is for all of you

    • Especially your peers would like to help everyone, not so selfish

  • Recognize good work

    • this will build trust and consideration from your peers with simple recognition

    • Praise someone - sincerely, appropriately - when they've done something successfully.

    • whether publicly noting all their hard work or just dropping by their desk to thank them for helping you

  • Avoid being defensive

    • Ask questions and be receptive to feedback when a peer criticizes your work or disagrees with you
    • Taking people's opinions seriously also builds trust - and builds better managers too

  • Address grudges

    • Is a peer purposely making it harder for you to do your job?
    • Instead of trying to stay out of their way, make a point to get to know them (and get them to know you too)
    • It's harder to push someone out who's making an effort to get in

  • Have fun

    • Do something not work-related and engage with the pople on a more personal level
      • inviting everyone out to happy hour or meeting up on the weekend for a hike

  • Focus on real relationships, not political ones

    • Remember that someone chats you up because they wanna something from you

    • You need to prioritize being authentic with them - not self-promotional - build a personal connection even if a person does have the capacity to massively improve your career

    • establish more meaningful initial contacts with your peers, then nurture those relationships by coming back to them regularly

  • Be active about sharing

    • prioritize "giving" instead just "take"
    • Build up trust and favor by being proactive about giving (support, ideas, whatever is needed) before you need something back from someone
    • The more you practice thinking of ways you can be helpful to your peers, the easier it will become
    • This is especially helpful if many of your peers are also competitive towards you.
      • Most people will respond positively to your active efforts to make their lives easier

  • See your peers as your most powerful advocates

    • It was the people you befriended who were in the same position as you

      • You relied upon for opportunities, support, and big ideas

    • engage them, and combine forces as you all get better at what you do

  • Take the long view

    • When you do your job, think about yourself in terms of your role, not yourslef

      • what response is most helpful for my team, not me?

    • Make your primary focus doing the things that actually make good manager

      • building a strong team, doing work that moves the company forward, and creating relationships that a re beneficial for your team and your company

  • reference

social relationship

  • "有什么感受"

mentor -> 务必叮嘱受益方低调谦恭

  • 学会如何与长辈或领导沟通

  • 长者希望有一个人, 能够在谦恭的同时，为他们提供好的建议

  • 雪中送炭

  • 學問、人品、修養、靈性、品味都能不斷增長

    • 要不斷閱讀、思考，不斷和高雅的人交往，不斷地要求反省自己
    • 是一個有趣的人，一個或在靈性、或在見識、或在人品上能讓我心有所動，反哺回養我的人
    • 我不希望看到一個為生活瑣事所累，毫無閱讀思考，成天為了眼前勾心計較的無趣之人

fiends -> 你交的朋友必须是：1）正直的；2）比你更有智慧的；3）比你更有钱的

  • 挚友

    • 交友时 一定要真诚, 大方和宽容

  • 对自己好 - 找那种 “帮助过你的人”

    • 对我们好的人， 要格外珍惜
    • 对自己好，能帮助自己成长的公司
    • 对自己好是比金钱，门第和外貌更持久的依靠

  • 合作型朋友

    • 做事之前最好把利益分配讲清楚

      • 合理预期 -> 哪些可以帮，哪些不可以帮
      • 双方都主动贡献

    • 有维度的合作，不是全方位的合作

      • 跨维度帮人
        • 借钱给朋友
        • 轻易许诺自己做不到的事情
      • 不做亲朋好友的生意
    • 朋友之间不论地位如何，都需要平等地对待对方

  • 没有建议人们“己所不欲，勿施于人”，提倡“人所不欲，勿施于人”

  • 很大程度上要他能够接受其他优秀的朋友

    • 用正确的态度欣赏他人的优点,学会由衷地欣赏他人，轻松地和其他优秀的孩子相处 ​​​​

  • 无论肤色，信仰和文化背景

    • 不要怀有“友不如己”想法轻视与自己交往者，谦虚谨慎， 友善随和
    • 交朋友很小心，多数只交正直，智慧和财富不相上下的朋友

  • 朋友，在精不在多

    • 不用费大力气，开心就一起玩玩，不行就算了，失去一两个朋友其实真的没啥影响

    • 所以自己最好能有点专长爱好，因为某个特殊的爱好和技能结交一些志同道合，目标一致，同时自己在那个方向领域中有一定的本事，别人和你沟通也能得到价值，你们沟通即是切磋交流思想同时排解孤独寂寞，同时互相在思想学识上收益，才是最好的思想上的友谊，这样的朋友，偶尔一起吃个饭喝点酒是很愉快的！

    • 选择秉性、三观、为人都相近相似的朋友相处，关系才能愉快而长久

      • 对世界的看法比较一致

    • 最重要的是做好自己 ； 我不会刻意想着怎么和朋友交往啊。除非是有所求 或者利益需要。

    • 最近的永远是你的家人

    • 觉得没有必要谦虚，不骄傲就好，偶尔得以是正常

    • 朋友只看私德， 不看大众评价

    • 正直，诚信，智慧，幽默

    • 以后和内地人打交道的注意点

      • 他们粗鄙，思维粗糙
      • 尽量微笑，少说话，保持沉默， 少交心
      • 年龄差距大的人 是不会成为朋友的 （尤其是刚毕业的年轻女性）

    • 没有必要和所有人打成一片

      • 要清楚不可能所有人都喜欢我，人与人是要保持距离的。有距离不是坏事，这是保持情感的方式。
      • 不要怕失去朋友，不要猜测他们是否生气。要相信自己。

    • 在交友这件事情上，要放平心态。人以类聚，一切随缘，不作强求

  • 要么有活力的人， 有品味， 有见识， 有人品

亲戚 -> 救急不救穷

  • 至于旁观者，只需安静地倾听，适当给予善意的精神支持

同学情

陌生人

  • 保持自己圈子的多元化 - 只清理人品有问题的人
  • 邂逅不一样的人，冲击我们的思维

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