Build my life Success TODO reference Success Leading the Life You Want Influence build my habits from being driven by noble purposes mental/emotional fitness being relax, happy, kind being clear-minded, calm, smart Goal: a pleasure of life - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved create life vision get into better shape -> energy and health cooking/food swimming/ tennis build a successful business -> influence wealthy relax more and worry less freedom, happy spend more time with family and friends happy, freedom identify required habits develop habits one day at a time Build myself - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved always be kind to yourself > - treat yourself as your dear friend, with kindness and patience you only can "Make" yourself, not "Found" youself > - keep learning, thinking & risking Ready is an illusion. No one is ever ready. > - We just get less unprepared. Never prepared. > - Fake it and then make it start with your vision and deal with reality > - not what is possible and then decide what result you want to create keep healthy and fit > - avoid injuries > - keep rest > - exercise build a clear & calm & peace of mind know your own mind - how your mind works need insight into your own thinking process write the diary don't shrink from challenges which could provide growth be true to your deepest and most profoundly felt emotions those of a spiritual nature not the surface level emotions of fleeting hormones ground yourself in wisdom, self-honesty, principles and discipline attain peace with your mind - self awareness their mind is humble servant and not a terrible master the less judgemental you are, how your mind works, and how to attain peace Mere observing, rather than making conclusions of the situation a few basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation happiness is about peace, all you want is privacy, not to be famouss growth happens in the places you're scared to go Build love and families kind, cheerful, understanding, graceful, independent Build relationships close friends, value quantitys more than quality they know who you are, not what you are get around like minded positive people form trustworthy, deep bonds, fewer the better social relationships Notes on strategies or choices learn about yourself time and peace of mind are the most expensive mode of payment self-growth 模仿比聪明和努力更重要 交流进而产生对比,对比自然分出高低; 低的自然模仿高的 交流进而模仿, 而不是自己进化 跟不同的人社交, 老师越多越好 要找不同的老师, 模仿对象越多越好, 这样才可能青出于蓝 要想和优秀的人在一起, 懂他真实的快乐, 懂他真实的痛苦,并且 给予他能量 just being yourself is the biggest favor you can do to yourself people may or maynot help you depending if you are falling in their story line they first like you and then to feel good they help you people help you because they like you, people don't help you because you are smart forget about sounding smart, just be yourself learn about yourself and grow by put yourself into unfamiliar situations see how you respond to them to adapt travellings can put you in lots of novel situations to accelerate growth expressing yourself is more important than impressing others. one must not seek recognition from others don't worry about impressing others, no one will even remember people remember the impact you have one them. Impression is ephemeral focus on people who share your values right from the beginning , not everyone how to morality help people when you can mind your business don't gossip, backstab, break your word, betray prey on or look for ways to hurt people If you want to help the poor, get rich TODO Build love and families 尊重和确认的力量 - 对伴侣观点的关心和尊重 行为描述 在精确表述上表现很糟糕, 如果抱怨某事,同时谈及几个问题 彼此倾听方面表现糟糕, 很少耐心自习思索伴侣所说的话 尽可能清楚明白, 详细具体地指出惹恼我们的特定行为, 应该专指某一特定事件, 不涉及普遍性 > - 用第一人称明确说明自己的感受 “当你在x情景下做x的时候,我感到z” 复述和向对方检验自己的知觉, 积极主动地努力理解自己的伴侣 Never let resentment set in resolve things quickly cultivate a culture of honest & loyalty appreciate and gratitude her Strategies on relationships be open-minded you're curious about how things work, why people think what they think, and are willing to listen it doesn't mean you have to accept or tolerate anything you don't agree with Don't show kindness to people who want to destroy you > - your kindness will be forgotten and they will not do the same for you > - don't be kind towards harmful personss don't waste time explaining yourself to people who don't like you focus on people who can take care of themselves the secret of effortless relationships only real friends want you to be happy, or end it. a friend is the one that crafts you for a better person, not a worse one don't disagree unless you have to, and agree when you can HOW to communicate well stragegy Always give before you take soften the ground, take the bit out of a future request, or simply create a distraction like an actual gift, a generous act, a kind favor, an "honest" adminssion 做人有底线就够了, 不要追求风骨, 身段, 没有用处 一个人不断进步的结果是遇到越来越精彩和优秀的人，你知道他／她真的很优秀，从外在到内心 如果你想要说服别人，要诉诸利益，而非诉诸理性 工作中的沟通 - 沟通是为了让进度顺利推行, 更容易做事 > - 对上 -> 取得信任与默契 > + 先听懂对方说的话, 别急着表现自己的立场与想法 > + 培养彼此默契, 了解双方的差异 > + 懂得询问公司的目标与主观的想法, 再加入适当的个人建议,并再次询问主管对你提出的意见有何想法 > - 让主管明白你不只是听懂他的话, 而且还能抓到重点, 并且顾及不同层面并提出适当建议 > + 循序渐进地让主管慢慢和你站在同一阵线 对下 交代工作清楚, 确保对方明白 -> 该做的准备, 以及应达成的任务 也要让对方有发表意见的反馈机会 -> 让工作朝彼此目标共同前进, 还能理解他人的想法 同事 - 尊重 沟通 - 站在对方的立场思考, 这样容易达成共识 商业伙伴的沟通 学会尊重商业伙伴和博弈对手 改掉那种沾别人点便宜就觉得别人傻的恶习, 否则, 路越走越窄 别人一时不在乎并不意味着别人傻 - 他们比你聪明的多 win-win + 求同存异 - 共赢 + 不失原则的妥协 > - 共同的，不同的和处于中间带的观点 + 风险共担, 利益共享的模式 + 该讲法律的地方不要强调道德 沟通的关键是找出差异与共同点； 信任是 了解对方的核心诉求，极力维持 不是让对方全盘接受, 而是找出彼此的差异与共同点 协调出大家可以相互配合,折中的方式 社交能力 知道怎么站在别人的角度思考问题 + 尝试理解对方的需求；人际关系的本质是 了解和应对别人的需求 + 外交的艺术就是把你的愿望变成别人的愿望 演技/掩饰 - 改变口音 + 没有信心时， 佯装自信 + 一旦获得成功，假装害羞和自我怀疑，以免引发他人妒恨 有一个高质量的朋友圈（价值观一致，有一些相同的爱好，在一起说话，最好有趣一些） How to be healthy and be in clear&calm mind peaceful of minded meditation diary experience nature exercise chatting build a clear & calm & peace of mind reference Atomic Habits by James Clear