Build my life

2020-08-20

Success

build my habits from

  • being driven by noble purposes

  • mental/emotional fitness

    • being relax, happy, kind
    • being clear-minded, calm, smart

Goal: a pleasure of life - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved

  • create life vision

    • get into better shape -> energy and health
      • cooking/food
      • swimming/ tennis
    • build a successful business -> influence
      • wealthy
    • relax more and worry less
      • freedom, happy
    • spend more time with family and friends
      • happy, freedom

  • identify required habits

  • develop habits one day at a time
Build myself - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved

  • always be kind to yourself
    > - treat yourself as your dear friend, with kindness and patience

  • you only can "Make" yourself, not "Found" youself
    > - keep learning, thinking & risking

  • Ready is an illusion. No one is ever ready. > - We just get less unprepared. Never prepared.
    > - Fake it and then make it

  • start with your vision and deal with reality > - not what is possible and then decide what result you want to create

  • keep healthy and fit > - avoid injuries > - keep rest > - exercise

  • build a clear & calm & peace of mind

    • know your own mind - how your mind works

      • need insight into your own thinking process
      • write the diary
      • don't shrink from challenges which could provide growth

    • be true to your deepest and most profoundly felt emotions

      • those of a spiritual nature
      • not the surface level emotions of fleeting hormones
      • ground yourself in wisdom, self-honesty, principles and discipline

    • attain peace with your mind - self awareness

      • their mind is humble servant and not a terrible master
      • the less judgemental you are,
        • how your mind works, and how to attain peace
      • Mere observing, rather than making conclusions of the situation

    • a few basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation

    • happiness is about peace, all you want is privacy, not to be famouss

    • growth happens in the places you're scared to go

Build love and families
  • kind, cheerful, understanding, graceful, independent
Build relationships

  • close friends, value quantitys more than quality

    • they know who you are, not what you are
    • get around like minded positive people
    • form trustworthy, deep bonds, fewer the better

  • social relationships

Notes on strategies or choices

learn about yourself

  • time and peace of mind are the most expensive mode of payment

  • self-growth

    • 模仿比聪明和努力更重要
      • 交流进而产生对比,对比自然分出高低; 低的自然模仿高的
        • 交流进而模仿, 而不是自己进化
      • 跟不同的人社交, 老师越多越好
        • 要找不同的老师, 模仿对象越多越好, 这样才可能青出于蓝
      • 要想和优秀的人在一起, 懂他真实的快乐, 懂他真实的痛苦,并且 给予他能量

  • just being yourself is the biggest favor you can do to yourself

    • people may or maynot help you depending if you are falling in their story line
    • they first like you and then to feel good they help you
    • people help you because they like you, people don't help you because you are smart
    • forget about sounding smart, just be yourself

  • learn about yourself and grow by put yourself into unfamiliar situations

    • see how you respond to them to adapt
    • travellings can put you in lots of novel situations to accelerate growth

  • expressing yourself is more important than impressing others.

    • one must not seek recognition from others
    • don't worry about impressing others, no one will even remember
      • people remember the impact you have one them. Impression is ephemeral

  • focus on people who share your values right from the beginning , not everyone

  • how to morality

    • help people when you can
    • mind your business
    • don't gossip, backstab, break your word, betray
    • prey on or look for ways to hurt people

  • If you want to help the poor, get rich

    • TODO
Build love and families

  • 尊重和确认的力量 - 对伴侣观点的关心和尊重

    • 行为描述
      • 在精确表述上表现很糟糕, 如果抱怨某事,同时谈及几个问题
      • 彼此倾听方面表现糟糕, 很少耐心自习思索伴侣所说的话
      • 尽可能清楚明白, 详细具体地指出惹恼我们的特定行为, 应该专指某一特定事件, 不涉及普遍性 > - 用第一人称明确说明自己的感受 “当你在x情景下做x的时候,我感到z”
      • 复述和向对方检验自己的知觉, 积极主动地努力理解自己的伴侣

  • Never let resentment set in

    • resolve things quickly
    • cultivate a culture of honest & loyalty
    • appreciate and gratitude her
Strategies on relationships

  • be open-minded

    • you're curious about how things work, why people think what they think, and are willing to listen
    • it doesn't mean you have to accept or tolerate anything you don't agree with

  • Don't show kindness to people who want to destroy you > - your kindness will be forgotten and they will not do the same for you > - don't be kind towards harmful personss

  • don't waste time explaining yourself to people who don't like you

  • focus on people who can take care of themselves

    • the secret of effortless relationships

  • only real friends want you to be happy, or end it.

    • a friend is the one that crafts you for a better person, not a worse one

  • don't disagree unless you have to, and agree when you can

HOW to communicate well

  • stragegy

    • Always give before you take
      • soften the ground, take the bit out of a future request, or simply create a distraction
      • like an actual gift, a generous act, a kind favor, an "honest" adminssion
    • 做人有底线就够了, 不要追求风骨, 身段, 没有用处

    • 一个人不断进步的结果是遇到越来越精彩和优秀的人，你知道他／她真的很优秀，从外在到内心

    • 如果你想要说服别人，要诉诸利益，而非诉诸理性

  • 工作中的沟通 - 沟通是为了让进度顺利推行, 更容易做事
    > - 对上 -> 取得信任与默契 > + 先听懂对方说的话, 别急着表现自己的立场与想法 > + 培养彼此默契, 了解双方的差异 > + 懂得询问公司的目标与主观的想法, 再加入适当的个人建议,并再次询问主管对你提出的意见有何想法 > - 让主管明白你不只是听懂他的话, 而且还能抓到重点, 并且顾及不同层面并提出适当建议 > + 循序渐进地让主管慢慢和你站在同一阵线

    • 对下
    • 交代工作清楚, 确保对方明白 -> 该做的准备, 以及应达成的任务

    • 也要让对方有发表意见的反馈机会 -> 让工作朝彼此目标共同前进, 还能理解他人的想法

    • 同事 - 尊重

    • 沟通 - 站在对方的立场思考, 这样容易达成共识

  • 商业伙伴的沟通

    • 学会尊重商业伙伴和博弈对手

      • 改掉那种沾别人点便宜就觉得别人傻的恶习, 否则, 路越走越窄
      • 别人一时不在乎并不意味着别人傻 - 他们比你聪明的多

    • win-win
      + 求同存异 - 共赢 + 不失原则的妥协 > - 共同的，不同的和处于中间带的观点
      + 风险共担, 利益共享的模式
      + 该讲法律的地方不要强调道德

    • 沟通的关键是找出差异与共同点； 信任是 了解对方的核心诉求，极力维持

      • 不是让对方全盘接受, 而是找出彼此的差异与共同点
      • 协调出大家可以相互配合,折中的方式

  • 社交能力

    • 知道怎么站在别人的角度思考问题
      + 尝试理解对方的需求；人际关系的本质是 了解和应对别人的需求
      + 外交的艺术就是把你的愿望变成别人的愿望

    • 演技/掩饰 - 改变口音
      + 没有信心时， 佯装自信
      + 一旦获得成功，假装害羞和自我怀疑，以免引发他人妒恨

    • 有一个高质量的朋友圈（价值观一致，有一些相同的爱好，在一起说话，最好有趣一些）

How to be healthy and be in clear&calm mind

  • peaceful of minded

    • meditation
    • diary

  • experience

    • nature
    • exercise
    • chatting

  • build a clear & calm & peace of mind

reference