!!On Leadership, Management, Negotiation skills

HBR Guide to Being a Great Boss

• TODO

  • deal with difficult people

• To Sound Like a Leader

  • TODO

• How to deal with a mean colleague

  • Understand why people typically act this way

    • people act out when their feel threatened

    • compliment the person on sth or an email with "Thanks so much for your help"

  • Talk to those supporters whether you're being overly sensitive

  • Demo the cost to the business

    • how it's affecting morale and performance
    • how the person's behavior is hurting the business money

  • Call out the inappropriate behavior in the moment

• Manging the Critical Voices inside your head

  • Is this voice helpful to me in this particular moment?
    • If you think it'll motivate you, listent to it. If it will demoralize you, don't
    • Be strategic and intentional about whom you listen to - and when
    • Pause to assess what's needed, and then make a choice

• How send the right leadership signals

  • Consider the kind of leader you are and hope to be

    • you believe that making time for others, planning, and coaching
    • you view this other-directed work as mission-critical to your success

  • Increase your emotional intelligence and situational awareness

    • what might their perspective on this topic be?
    • how are they best motivated or influenced?
    • what does the situation at hand call for?
    • what are the optimal outcomes and tone?

  • Be clear and direct, always with respect

    • Know what you think
      • what are the three to five things I believe about this topic or issue?

    • ask, listen, and acknowledge

      • Show you are really listening by asking great questions, clarifying what you've heard, or acknowledging how you're processing the information

    • Share the 'why' behind your vision, priorities, expectations, feedback, or requests

  • Bring a stable and grounded presence in the face of change, stress, or difficult news

    • what do people experience when I'm stressed out, tired, under deadline, or when someone is bringing me bad news?

    • Maintaining a stable presence increase the likelihood that your team will feel comfortable bringing you important information

• Connect, Then Lead

  • How lovable they are (warmth, communion, or trustworthiness) and how fearsome they are (strength, agency, or competence)

    • What are this person's intentions toward me? and Is he or she capable of acting on those intentions?

  • Happy Warrior - gain influence is to combine warmth and strength

    • begin with warmth
      • People have a need to feel a sense of belonging; People deeply desire to be heard and seen.

    • validate feelings

      • first agree with them if you want colleagues to listen and agree with you
      • Acknowledge people's fear and concerns when you speak to them
        • "I know everybody's feeling a lot of uncertainty right now, and it's unsettling."
      • Smile
        • Find some reason to feel happy wherever you may be

    • Project strength

      • Feeling in command and confident is about connecting with yourself
      • Stand up straight
      • Get ahold of yourself

• reference

  • [HBR Guide to Being a Great Boss]

persuasion skills

• TODO

• copywriting

  • The words you use just connect them, increase their impact, and explain them to your reader.

• reference

  • HBR Guide to Negotiating

  • Persuasive Communication

  • Rhetoric: The Art of Persuasive Writing and Public Speaking
  • cuhk toastmaster

soft skills

• notes

  • 尊重，平等，顺从（配合自己的上司把事情做好）
    • be subject to the authorities
    • authority - the moral or legal right or ability to control
    • TODO from

  • 没有负面情绪

  • leadership skills

    • 要让球员们都追随自己，他们必须要相信我们说的话和做的事； 我们必须对他们进行正确的引导和激励
    • 我需要让他们感觉到我作为一名教练，每天也在进步，而且我每天也在帮助他们

• 沟通交际能力

  • how to present you
    • 用正面的态度表达
    • 用什么语气表达

• 批判思考能力

• 领导决策能力

  • 自控力

• 同理心

• 学习能力

  • you learn something by doing it yourself, by asking questions, by thinking, and by experimenting
  • understand, don't memorize
  • learn principles, not formulas

Leadership

• 分享利益, 独立决定

  • 负责人 先征求上下左右一些人(相关人)的意见, 拿出一个方案
    • 主要看有无遗漏,有无质疑的声音
    • 如有质疑, 评估一下是否有道理; 然后负责人自己就把这件事情决定了

  • 做决策并不想一次性解决所有问题, 而是追求在原有基础上取得进步, 有瑕疵也没关系

    • 独立决断背后是每一个人本身的责任

  • 追求共好

    • 支持彼此的工作，肯定彼此的努力，不受困于个人的恩怨好恶
    • 分享利益, 决策自己做就好了

  • 不要太优柔寡断

    • Part of optionality is being willing to make changes
    • "One of the difficult things about making decisions is it reduces opportunity in the short term, but that's the only thing that really creates great opportunity in the long term. If you don't make decisions, you try to live too much in a liminal opportunity space, you might be just missing very big opportunities and not creating what the really big opportunities are"

  • 所有的決定都是微观的， 是在具体的环境里面对具体的问题做出的

    • 提高整体认知，选择做当下最适合自己，最值得做的事
    • 要重视，挑选和管理的， 就是周围的 “五六个人”

    • 最看重的， 是 是否我愿意与之一起工作的那一类人

      • kind
      • positive
        • 想把事情做好
        • how you can do better and take on more responsibility
      • 有能力 以及 不自卑
      • cooperation

    • 每一次小选择都作为了解自己的入口， 慢慢就可以看到更多真相

      • 每一个小选择里 改变思维方式， 锻炼能力，获得对应的成长
      • 对自己更好的认识， 进而 自信而不自负

    • 通过做事 来“准备”的， 而不是通过“准备”来做事的

      • 面对机会，没准备好不是问题，要勇敢把握，多做几次就好了 <- accountability
      • 多做就会积累经验，提高判断力

  • 区分有效欲望

    • 通过深度自我对话， 不断追问 “为什么要做这件事，它有多重要，多紧急”； 理清不同目标的优先级

• How to make big decisions

  1. Think about the specifications - a detailed description of how something should be done, made, etc
     1.1 encourages opinions not facts (with relevance) firstly

     • people who voice an opinion also take responsibility for defining what needs to be looked at, atudied, and tested

  2. explore the alternatives
     2.1 find the appropriate measurement - a risk-taking judgment
     2.1.1 look for the 'feedback' before the decision
     2.2 insist on alternatives of measurement so that they can choose the one appropriate one
     2.2.1 one does not make a decision unless there is disagreement

     • disagreement alone can provide alternatives to a decision
     • disagreement is needed to stimulate the imagination - a new and different way of perceiving and understanding
       2.2.2 find out why people disagree + converned first with understanding
     • use conflict of opinion as a tool to make sure all major aspects of an important matter are looked at carefully

  3. the risks and gains weighted
     3.1 act if the benefits greatly outweight cost and risk
     3.2 act or do not act; no half-action

  4. Do not rush into a decision unless you are sure you understand it

  5. A decision requires courage as much as it requires judgment

• Growth Mindset

  • a belief in their own ability to learn and respond in the face of challenge
    • cultivate growth mindsets and know how to fail

• Leadership style

  • talk about your leadership style and recognize styles in others

  • you know your strengths and weaknesses

  • Think about which leadership style would be most useful for the goals of your ogranization?

  • what can you do in the next 30 days to begin to develop and cultivate this style?

  • Who can be part of your support system in your leadership development?

  • each of us is a work in progress, and we are never complete

• Leadership

  • gift vs tit-for-tat leadership style

    • tit-for-tat: 现代博弈论也证明了最优战略是“一报还一报”
    • Responsibility without authority is slavery
      • authority - the moral or legal right or ability to control

  • middle people and task <- Blake and Mouton's Leadership Grid

    • focus on work output as well as employee morale

  • Situational Leadership Model

    • consider the readiness of their team in regard to the task
    • if the team is not ready to perform the task -> directing, authority obedience leadership
    • if the team can handle the rest -> delegating
    • if the team is moderately ready when it comes to the task -> supporting and coaching

• Motivation, Emotion, and Cognition

  • affirm instrinsic Motivation can lead to greater insight, and better performance

    • a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, or making the world a better place
    • driven by external rewards including material gain

  • Treat happiness like your exercise routine

    • commit to happinesss and work on happiness
    • 40% of our happiness is determined by intentional activity
    • use talent to help others
    • adopting a positive attitude
    • exercise
    • striving for goals

  • how to make decision

    • Build in tests of disconfirmation

      • what would prove you wrong?
      • reward team members for providing controversial data

    • set up policies in advance of obtaining outcomes

    • bring in outsiders, but don't tell them your preferred course of action

    • Don't make trivial decisions before facing a big decision

  • Decision Making

    • 趋利避害

      • risk-averse when it comes to good things

      • risk-seeking when it comes to negative things

      • you can be easily manipulated or manipulate others

        • present the opportunity as avoiding a sure loss
        • present the options as a keep the status quo

    • confirmation bias

      • people to seek information that confirms what they want to believe

    • Decision Fatigue

      • figure out what decisions need to be made at the beginning of the week, and they get ready for those moments
      • be ready for the big stuff

    • Common information effect

      • groups would like to discuss information that they all have in common, rather than unique information

• People skills

  • better social skills

    • more chance of getting people to like you and do what you want them to do
    • actions, energy, and body languages tell you everything you need to know

  • Emotional Intelligence

    • what key quality did this leader possess that was so important for you?

    • leaders are judged about how they handle themselves and others

      • how to work with other people and how to manage yourself

      • self-awareness

        • understanding ourselves and seeing ourselves as others see us
        • recognize the emotions they experience, the factors that lead to these emotions, and how they are perceived by others
        • 360-Degree Evaluation

      • empathy

      • self-regulate with rehearsal and practice

        • how to appropriately regulate our emotions, particularly negative ones
        • self implemented their own way to deal with frustration, anger, etc before it becomes an ill-fated
        • meditate
        • identify the situation she is facing that is most disconcerting or upsetting

      • relationship management

  • Organizational Intelligence

    • who are your trusted advisors?

    • who are your boundary-spanners?

      • spans more functional units
      • connect people and ideas

    • are you nurturing those relationships, or are you letting them stagnate?

    • how can you act as a bridge between people and groups that should be connected?

  • Cultural Intelligence

    • a person's capability to adapt effectively to new cultural contexts

    • you understand the other person's worldview

      • affect how we motivate people in our organizations
        • 以前会觉得这样不真诚
        • 这个是 其实是 尊重别人的一种表现

    • Face Cultures

      • people derive their self worth from earning the respect of others
      • people are often embedded in stable, hierarchical relationships

    • Dignity Cultures

      • believe in speaking their mind and being self-reliant
      • their own self worth is self determined and they are very comfortable engaging in direct, rational, fact-based conversation
      • status and titles are not nearly as important as information and talent
    • Honor Cultures - Middle East, south asia, latin america, africa
      • self-worth is socially claimed
      • The confrontation style is to express emotion
      • "it's important not to let others insult your reputation"

• Teamwork - Coordinating with Others

  • 军官负责决策，但是专业上的建议或行动都会交由士官执行， 美欧军中都相当强调士官在基层部队中扮演“专家与灵魂”的角色

• reference

  • High Performance Collaboration: Leadership, Teamwork, and Negotiation

Negotiation skills

• Preparation and Leverage

  • Develop your BATNA - Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement

    • The stronger your BATNA, the more leverage you have in the negotiation
    • Always improve your BATNA <- proactive, feed it, grow it
    • Never reveal your BATNA to the counter-party, otherwise you lose your leverage
    • Signal to the other party that you have attractive options
    • Once you determine your BATNA, then devise your reservation price (a reservation price represents the exact monetary equivalent of your BATNA)
      • bottom line

  • Best Position Yourself to Succeed in Negotiation

    • set target goal
      • interests <- what's the most important to you
      • market conditions <- consider the counter-party's BATNA
        • gain leverage
        • research market and competitors
        • think about counter-party's BATNA
      • estimate Bargaining Zone

    • make the first offer if you are prepared

      • anchors, predict final outcomes
      • the ideal opening offer should be on or near the other party's reservation point

    • Immediately re-anchor if the other party opens first

      • "thank you for sharing your ideas with me. I've also spent some time preparing a set of terms that would be very attractive for me. I will warn you that my proposal is different from yours but I offer it in the spirit in structuring a deal"

  • The Art of Concessions

    • make large number of small concessions
    • avoid unilateral concessions
      • Never make two or more concessions in a row
      • Negotiation needs to be a quid pro quo
      • if necessary, remind the other party where you started and where you are now
    • be precise
    • provide rationale

• Win-Win Negotiation

  • fractionate the negotiation into several issues

    • identifying other issues such as payment terms, conditions, volume, quality and money ...

  • prioritize your interests for each issues

    • make your best guess about the opponent's priorities and interests

  • reveal your interests

  • ask questions about the other party's priorities

    • what is more valuable to you - X or Y?
    • what is your rank ordering of the issues?

    • would you rather I made a concession on issue Z or issue W?

    • If I gave what you wanted on Z, could you give me what I need on Y?

  • devise multi-issue proposals that logroll parties' interests

    • value-added tradeoff

• De-escalate Conflict

  • Conflict: people believe thay have opposing interests or beliefs regarding an outcome or process

    • interest strategy instead of power, right strategy

      • separate the people from the problem
      • attempt to understand the needs and interests of the other party
        • ask "why" and "why not" question
      • don't focus on a single option, generate multiple options or courses of action

    • reward the use of interest by the other party

  • bring conversations back to interests, away from power and rights

    • Don't get personal attack

      • stop saying things like you are making me mad or you are so unreasonable
      • "I'm frustrated now beacuse this is a really important matter for me"

    • Send a Mixed-Message

      • show other party you cannot be taken advantage of
      • combine power and interests or rights and interests
      • "I'm sure that my management team would love to get involved in this matter, but I'm more inclined to work this out with you one on one. "

    • solve conflicts face to face

      • people like to use power and right strategies when they communicate virtually

    • focus on ranking ordering

  • use Rights and Power

    • when the other party will not come to the table

    • when you have exhausted all of your options

      • "look I'm running out of optimism here. My goal is to settle this but I feal that I might need to seek legal council. Do you have any more ideas?"

    • when the other party is not taking you seriously

    • be clear about what actions are needed

      • help parties "save face"

• Reputation and Ethics

  • competitive bargaining
  • attacking an opponent's network
  • making false promises

  • inappropriate information-gathering

  • Manage your reputation

    • tough-but-honest and nice-and-reasonable Strategies

  • be proactive

    • ask questions, ask for evidence, and suggest contingencies when the information you need is not available

• reference

  • High Performance Collaboration: Leadership, Teamwork, and Negotiation
  • Successful Negotiation: Essential Strategies and Skills

同理心 empathy

• 同理心

  • I feel your suffering - 我感同身受

    • feeling and imagining yourelf into the humanity of another
    • no judgments, advice, analysis, detachment, sympathy, fixing

  • 接受对方的感受，不多加评论，并觉察对方的情绪，进而进行交流

    • “我的方向感也很差“
    • ”me neither“

  • 体验： 体会他人的感受

    • 细听之情感连结
    • 尊重与确认对方的感受

  • inquiry about or explore how the client perceives his/her world

    • 代入对方，对方如何感知她的世界

• 同情心 sympathy

  • I care about your feeling

  • 认知：否定对方的感受，但试图安慰并说服对方改变

    • 但 半强迫对方看到光明面 "至少..."

  • 解决问题

• 反馈

  • 鼓励和允许对方完全地表达自己

  • 给出意向 - intention

    • 对方为啥这么问 “你不停问我问题，是为了什么”

  • 开放式提问

    • how, why
    • 有节奏地给予客户去思考和反思

  • 支持及欣赏

    • 嘉许和尊重对方的行为
    • 多一点认同 - 直接讲出来

coach

• TODO

• coaching

  • learn how to break through other people's limiting and self-defeating beliefs to help them live a more empowered and successful life to help them live a more empowered and successful life

• reference

  • Subliminal

2022-04-04

• Improve your english

发问技术 的角度

• 宏观

• 微观

  • 更具体, 比如方法 方面

• 之前 -> 以前

• 之后 -> 未来

• 周边相关

Tips for coaching

• 好奇心

  • 有特長

• 聆听

  • 大器

reference

• [The IT leadership blueprint]
• Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely