Notes on the GOOD life Success TODO Goal: a pleasure of life - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved create life vision get into better shape -> energy and health cooking/food swimming/ tennis build a successful business -> influence wealthy relax more and worry less freedom, happy spend more time with family and friends happy, freedom the heart decides, the head rationalizes use your judgment to figure out what kinds of environments you can thrive in, and then create an environment around you so you're statistically likely to succeed identify required habits develop habits one day at a time surround yourself with positive people, with mutual trust and support relationship reference Success Leading the Life You Want Influence Build myself - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved 自我的自主性是第一 有一个自主性的意识在，对这个事情有基本判断，从现实出发，试试看； 否则全部都是别人给你设的，怎么样去满足别人的要求，那会很痛苦 成熟是一个逐渐淘汰的过程，不是越来越宽容，什么都能接受 知道什么对我最重要，什么不重要，然后做一个简单的人 A man, ultimately, only has himself Strong men know no one is coming, and start helping themselves Be the best version of yourself, not the best imitation of someone else My Self is loved She loves me for who I am, and not who I am acting or trying to be Being a human, I need it. similaryly, my Self needs love. Loving my Self is very healthy I feel like I have more of an ability to achieve my goals. Because I'm not worried that my Self is good enough. My Self is not a problem. It's loved. I'm less stressed, and able to be more genuine with people I'm more confident in myself and compare myself with others less always be kind to yourself > - treat yourself as your dear friend, with kindness and patience > surrounding youself with positive people, with mutual trust and support relationship you only can "Make" yourself, not "Found" youself > - keep learning, thinking & risking Ready is an illusion. No one is ever ready. > - We just get less unprepared. Never prepared. > - Fake it and then make it start with your vision and deal with reality > - not what is possible and then decide what result you want to create keep healthy and fit > - avoid injuries > - keep rest > - exercise build a clear & calm & peace of mind know your own mind - how your mind works need insight into your own thinking process write the diary don't shrink from challenges which could provide growth be true to your deepest and most profoundly felt emotions those of a spiritual nature not the surface level emotions of fleeting hormones ground yourself in wisdom, self-honesty, principles and discipline attain peace with your mind - self awareness their mind is humble servant and not a terrible master the less judgemental you are how your mind works, and how to attain peace Mere observing, rather than making conclusions of the situation a few basic emotions joy trust fear surprise sadness disgust anger anticipation happiness is about peace, all you want is privacy, not to be famouss growth happens in the places you're scared to go dignity cultures believe in speaking their mind and being self-reliant their self worth is self determined and they are very comfortable engaging in direct, rational, fact-based conversation status and titles are not nearly as important as information and talent 美国重视诚实和积极的回应； 日本文化崇尚礼貌和被动的回应 face cultures people derive their self worth from earning the respect of others Build love and families kind, cheerful, understanding, graceful, independent Build relationships close friends, value quantitys more than quality they know who you are, not what you are get around like minded positive people form trustworthy, deep bonds, fewer the better social relationships 自己定义自己的生活 - 陈军 了解游戏规则 见证人性, 灰色地带 你的精准判断 细节决定了一切 预设一个结果 多姿多彩的人生 对人生的丰富的理解，不是观念的生活 想象别人的生活； 旁观别人的生活 和别人沟通的时候，想象这个人遇到事情会怎么办 你的喜欢 是有人生经验作支撑 各种选项的对比，感受，能更好的证明你的喜欢 生活单一，处理人生其他问题的时候，情商不够高 人生参考有限，生活路径单一，所以你的换位思考就很难 没有更多的经历，就很难从生活中理解哲学 生活感受力 沒有做过别的事情，没有在具体生活中选择的艰难 - 生活感受力很差 - 同理心很差 - 换位思考 只会一种说法，没有考虑过这个想法背后其他的可能性 很具体的生活内容 更多的经历， 碰到什么事 他们怎么谋生，怎么想办法赚钱 观察自己怎么处理这些事 对细节了解多少 怎么处理和别人的关系 怎么了解周围丰富的世界 预测一个情况，证明你是对的 思想生气勃勃 每一个生活细节中保持自己思想的活力 同时做几件事 以保持不同状态 思考型的事情 琐碎的事情： 开餐馆，俱乐部，上市公司 尝试一些创业项目 跟不一样的人打交道 经历别人三个时间段的人生经验和体会 一边生活，一边旁观自己的生活 传记 自由自在的人生 很怕给我不喜欢的人工作 生活的体验者 以及 具体的观察者 和别人沟通的能力 理解别人的能力 观察的能力 想象的能力 如何把自己的观念融化进来 定义自己的生活方式 - 陈军 从我们的生活开始（经验），而不是理念开始 训练自己了解周围的世界， 具体的生活体验 做了哪些事情，观察是怎么来的， 而不是结论 Notes on strategies or choices learn about yourself time and peace of mind are the most expensive mode of payment self-growth 模仿比聪明和努力更重要 交流进而产生对比,对比自然分出高低; 低的自然模仿高的 交流进而模仿, 而不是自己进化 跟不同的人社交, 老师越多越好 要找不同的老师, 模仿对象越多越好, 这样才可能青出于蓝 要想和优秀的人在一起, 懂他真实的快乐, 懂他真实的痛苦,并且 给予他能量 just being yourself is the biggest favor you can do to yourself people may or maynot help you depending if you are falling in their story line they first like you and then to feel good they help you people help you because they like you, people don't help you because you are smart forget about sounding smart, just be yourself learn about yourself and grow by put yourself into unfamiliar situations see how you respond to them to adapt travellings can put you in lots of novel situations to accelerate growth expressing yourself is more important than impressing others. one must not seek recognition from others don't worry about impressing others, no one will even remember people remember the impact you have one them. Impression is ephemeral focus on people who share your values right from the beginning , not everyone how to morality help people when you can mind your business don't gossip, backstab, break your word, betray prey on or look for ways to hurt people If you want to help the poor, get rich TODO Build love and families 尊重和确认的力量 - 对伴侣观点的关心和尊重 行为描述 在精确表述上表现很糟糕, 如果抱怨某事,同时谈及几个问题 彼此倾听方面表现糟糕, 很少耐心自习思索伴侣所说的话 尽可能清楚明白, 详细具体地指出惹恼我们的特定行为, 应该专指某一特定事件, 不涉及普遍性 > - 用第一人称明确说明自己的感受 “当你在x情景下做x的时候,我感到z” 复述和向对方检验自己的知觉, 积极主动地努力理解自己的伴侣 Never let resentment set in resolve things quickly cultivate a culture of honest & loyalty appreciate and gratitude her Strategies on relationships be open-minded you're curious about how things work, why people think what they think, and are willing to listen it doesn't mean you have to accept or tolerate anything you don't agree with Don't show kindness to people who want to destroy you > - your kindness will be forgotten and they will not do the same for you > - don't be kind towards harmful personss don't waste time explaining yourself to people who don't like you focus on people who can take care of themselves the secret of effortless relationships only real friends want you to be happy, or end it. a friend is the one that crafts you for a better person, not a worse one don't disagree unless you have to, and agree when you can HOW to communicate well stragegy Always give before you take soften the ground, take the bit out of a future request, or simply create a distraction like an actual gift, a generous act, a kind favor, an "honest" adminssion 做人有底线就够了, 不要追求风骨, 身段, 没有用处 一个人不断进步的结果是遇到越来越精彩和优秀的人，你知道他／她真的很优秀，从外在到内心 如果你想要说服别人，要诉诸利益，而非诉诸理性 工作中的沟通 - 沟通是为了让进度顺利推行, 更容易做事 > - 对上 -> 取得信任与默契 > + 先听懂对方说的话, 别急着表现自己的立场与想法 > + 培养彼此默契, 了解双方的差异 > + 懂得询问公司的目标与主观的想法, 再加入适当的个人建议,并再次询问主管对你提出的意见有何想法 > - 让主管明白你不只是听懂他的话, 而且还能抓到重点, 并且顾及不同层面并提出适当建议 > + 循序渐进地让主管慢慢和你站在同一阵线 对下 交代工作清楚, 确保对方明白 -> 该做的准备, 以及应达成的任务 也要让对方有发表意见的反馈机会 -> 让工作朝彼此目标共同前进, 还能理解他人的想法 同事 - 尊重 沟通 - 站在对方的立场思考, 这样容易达成共识 商业伙伴的沟通 学会尊重商业伙伴和博弈对手 改掉那种沾别人点便宜就觉得别人傻的恶习, 否则, 路越走越窄 别人一时不在乎并不意味着别人傻 - 他们比你聪明的多 win-win + 求同存异 - 共赢 + 不失原则的妥协 > - 共同的，不同的和处于中间带的观点 + 风险共担, 利益共享的模式 + 该讲法律的地方不要强调道德 沟通的关键是找出差异与共同点； 信任是 了解对方的核心诉求，极力维持 不是让对方全盘接受, 而是找出彼此的差异与共同点 协调出大家可以相互配合,折中的方式 社交能力 知道怎么站在别人的角度思考问题 + 尝试理解对方的需求；人际关系的本质是 了解和应对别人的需求 + 外交的艺术就是把你的愿望变成别人的愿望 演技/掩饰 - 改变口音 + 没有信心时， 佯装自信 + 一旦获得成功，假装害羞和自我怀疑，以免引发他人妒恨 有一个高质量的朋友圈（价值观一致，有一些相同的爱好，在一起说话，最好有趣一些） How to be healthy and be in clear&calm mind peaceful of minded meditation diary experience nature exercise chatting build a clear & calm & peace of mind Success: Practical Thinking Skills How to build your life Purpose in Life Thoughts on Man's Purpose in Life My God - the source of that universal vitality my mind can deal better with things when I have put order into them kindness and giving My Soul - inner directive and energizing powers Desire is the essence of life （生命力） 心中宁静 想要心中宁静，少做事 只做必须之事； 而且做的适宜而心中宁静 有节制， 较多闲暇，较少烦恼 不做 没有目标的事 减少动作， 减少思想 只消凝神，心中立刻获得宁静 心中自有宁静， 没有比自己灵魂更为清静的地方， 烦恼皆由内心而起 随时都可以 退隐到自己的内心里去； 隐居，乃是最为庸俗的事情 理性而积极入世 履行现世世俗事物的义务，在尘世中尽自己的天职， 才是个人道德活动的最高形式 上帝帮助那些 自助的人 不要羞于受助， 因为要从事于加在你身上的工作的必须 自强，自助，勤勉，守信， 虔诚， 在尘世中尽自己的天职 GOD is about love 爱上一个具体的人 -> 李银河：爱是最美好的生存状态 享用生命本身就是目的， 存在所享用的爱与美才是目的 - 李銀河 享用自身的存在，自身的感受，此生的快乐 感受爱的时候，充分体验到人心的美好 感受美的时候， 充分体验世界的美 把自己放在生活中， 安然所遭遇的一切 多研究些问题， 少谈些观念，主义 爱是人最美好，最纯净，最有趣的生存状态 精神上的需求， 不仅仅是动物性肉体的存在 不知怎样才能去爱一个人，去得到一个人的爱 灵魂缺乏营养， 干瘪，迟钝 对美好的失去缺乏感知能力和渴望 能激发他激情的人 世上 值得爱的人并不多， 不是长相丑陋，就是呆头呆脑 有能激发人的激情之爱的素质 - 性格可爱，聪明幽默，才华出众 懂得爱，渴望爱 最幸运的人是爱上一个人又得到这个人的爱 欢喜 全部来自浪漫之爱本身的美好感觉 爱可以为人带来愉悦和美感 reference 李银河：爱是最美好的生存状态 抽象的爱 - 爱上一个抽象的对象 爱自然， 爱世界 love romantic love family love brotherly love that unites believers care, respect, and compassion God's love the good life the good life is a life inspired by love and guided by (scientific) knowledge love as an emotion pure delight in contemplation pure benevolence - being kind and helpful love is a combination of delight and well-wishing morality is kind of desire someone wishes us to desire powerful social forces - social approval and disapproval About SOUL - inner energizing power there is the expansive, driving, urge of the soul in humans DESIRE is the essence of life experience becomes the tool of desire thus growth About GOD - Life itself can be the new GOD Evolution - the essence of the cosmic process as life active the painstaking modification of environments the ability to experiment and to learn the insatiable desire the new GOD the inventive vitality and abounding fertility of Nature the persistent and creative life that struggles up from the energy of the atom to make the earth green with growth stir the youth with ambition and the girl with tender longing lust for light and growth SELF consider myself a christian in the literal sincerely admiring the personality and ethics of Christ about SELF spirital, not a religious build my habits from being driven by noble purposes mental/emotional fitness being relax, happy, kind being clear-minded, calm, smart reference Success: Practical Thinking Skills [Fallen Leaves] Bertrand Russell on Love, Sex, What “the Good Life” Really Means, and How We Limit Our Happiness A Little History of Philosophy by Nigel Warburton critical thinking