Notes on the GOOD life

Success

• TODO

• Goal: a pleasure of life - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved

  • create life vision

    • get into better shape -> energy and health
      • cooking/food
      • gym/swimming/ tennis
    • build a successful business -> influence
      • wealthy
    • relax more and worry less
      • freedom, happy
    • spend more time with family and friends
      • happy, freedom

  • the heart decides, the head rationalizes

    • use your judgment to figure out what kinds of environments you can thrive in, and then create an environment around you so you're statistically likely to succeed

  • identify required habits

    • develop habits one day at a time

  • surround yourself with positive people, with mutual trust and support relationship

• reference

  • Success
  • Leading the Life You Want
  • Influence

Build myself - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved

• 自我的自主性是第一

  • 有一个自主性的意识在，对这个事情有基本判断，从现实出发，试试看； 否则全部都是别人给你设的，怎么样去满足别人的要求，那会很痛苦

  • 成熟是一个逐渐淘汰的过程，不是越来越宽容，什么都能接受

    • 知道什么对我最重要，什么不重要，然后做一个简单的人

  • A man, ultimately, only has himself

    • Strong men know no one is coming, and start helping themselves

  • Be the best version of yourself, not the best imitation of someone else

• My Self is loved

  • She loves me for who I am, and not who I am acting or trying to be
  • Being a human, I need it. similaryly, my Self needs love.
  • Loving my Self is very healthy
    • I feel like I have more of an ability to achieve my goals. Because I'm not worried that my Self is good enough. My Self is not a problem. It's loved.
    • I'm less stressed, and able to be more genuine with people
    • I'm more confident in myself and compare myself with others less

• always be kind to yourself

  > -   treat yourself as your dear friend, with kindness and patience  
  >     surrounding youself with **positive people**, with **mutual trust** and **support relationship**
  

• you only can "Make" yourself, not "Found" youself

  > -   keep learning, thinking & risking
  

• Ready is an illusion. No one is ever ready.

  > -   We just get less unprepared. Never prepared.
  > -   **Fake it and then make it**
  

• start with your vision and deal with reality

  > -   not what is possible and then decide what result you want to create
  

• keep healthy and fit

  > -   avoid injuries
  > -   keep rest
  > -   exercise
  

• build a clear & calm & peace of mind

  • know your own mind - how your mind works

    • need insight into your own thinking process
    • write the diary
    • don't shrink from challenges which could provide growth

  • be true to your deepest and most profoundly felt emotions

    • those of a spiritual nature
    • not the surface level emotions of fleeting hormones
    • ground yourself in wisdom, self-honesty, principles and discipline

  • attain peace with your mind - self awareness

    • their mind is humble servant and not a terrible master
    • the less judgemental you are
      • how your mind works, and how to attain peace
    • Mere observing, rather than making conclusions of the situation

  • a few basic emotions

    • joy
    • trust
    • fear
    • surprise
    • sadness
    • disgust
    • anger
    • anticipation

  • happiness is about peace, all you want is privacy, not to be famouss

  • growth happens in the places you're scared to go

• dignity cultures

  • believe in speaking their mind and being self-reliant
  • their self worth is self determined and they are very comfortable engaging in direct, rational, fact-based conversation
  • status and titles are not nearly as important as information and talent
  • 美国重视诚实和积极的回应； 日本文化崇尚礼貌和被动的回应
  • face cultures
    • people derive their self worth from earning the respect of others

Build love and families

• kind, cheerful, understanding, graceful, independent

Build relationships

• close friends, value quantitys more than quality

  • they know who you are, not what you are
  • get around like minded positive people
  • form trustworthy, deep bonds, fewer the better

• social relationships

自己定义自己的生活 - 陈军

• 了解游戏规则

  • 见证人性, 灰色地带
  • 你的精准判断
    • 细节决定了一切
    • 预设一个结果

• 多姿多彩的人生

  • 对人生的丰富的理解，不是观念的生活

  • 想象别人的生活； 旁观别人的生活

    • 和别人沟通的时候，想象这个人遇到事情会怎么办

  • 你的喜欢 是有人生经验作支撑

    • 各种选项的对比，感受，能更好的证明你的喜欢

  • 生活单一，处理人生其他问题的时候，情商不够高

    • 人生参考有限，生活路径单一，所以你的换位思考就很难
    • 没有更多的经历，就很难从生活中理解哲学

  • 生活感受力

    • 沒有做过别的事情，没有在具体生活中选择的艰难 - 生活感受力很差 - 同理心很差 - 换位思考
    • 只会一种说法，没有考虑过这个想法背后其他的可能性

• 很具体的生活内容

  • 更多的经历， 碰到什么事
    • 他们怎么谋生，怎么想办法赚钱
    • 观察自己怎么处理这些事
    • 对细节了解多少
  • 怎么处理和别人的关系
  • 怎么了解周围丰富的世界
    • 预测一个情况，证明你是对的

• 思想生气勃勃

  • 每一个生活细节中保持自己思想的活力

  • 同时做几件事 以保持不同状态

    • 思考型的事情
    • 琐碎的事情： 开餐馆，俱乐部，上市公司
    • 尝试一些创业项目
    • 跟不一样的人打交道

  • 经历别人三个时间段的人生经验和体会

    • 一边生活，一边旁观自己的生活
    • 传记

• 自由自在的人生

  • 很怕给我不喜欢的人工作

  • 生活的体验者 以及 具体的观察者

  • 和别人沟通的能力

  • 理解别人的能力
  • 观察的能力
  • 想象的能力
  • 如何把自己的观念融化进来

• 定义自己的生活方式 - 陈军

  • 从我们的生活开始（经验），而不是理念开始
  • 训练自己了解周围的世界， 具体的生活体验
  • 做了哪些事情，观察是怎么来的， 而不是结论

Notes on strategies or choices

learn about yourself

• time and peace of mind are the most expensive mode of payment

• self-growth

  • 模仿比聪明和努力更重要 > - 交流进而产生对比,对比自然分出高低; 低的自然模仿高的 > - 交流进而模仿, 而不是自己进化 > - 跟不同的人社交, 老师越多越好 > - 要找不同的老师, 模仿对象越多越好, 这样才可能青出于蓝 > - 要想和优秀的人在一起, 懂他真实的快乐, 懂他真实的痛苦,并且 给予他能量

• just being yourself is the biggest favor you can do to yourself

  • people may or maynot help you depending if you are falling in their story line
  • they first like you and then to feel good they help you
  • people help you because they like you, people don't help you because you are smart
  • forget about sounding smart, just be yourself

• learn about yourself and grow by put yourself into unfamiliar situations

  • see how you respond to them to adapt
  • travellings can put you in lots of novel situations to accelerate growth

• expressing yourself is more important than impressing others.

  • one must not seek recognition from others
  • don't worry about impressing others, no one will even remember
    • people remember the impact you have one them. Impression is ephemeral

• focus on people who share your values right from the beginning , not everyone

• how to morality

  • help people when you can
  • mind your business
  • don't gossip, backstab, break your word, betray
  • prey on or look for ways to hurt people

• If you want to help the poor, get rich

  • TODO

Build love and families

• 尊重和确认的力量 - 对伴侣观点的关心和尊重

  • 行为描述 > - 在精确表述上表现很糟糕, 如果抱怨某事,同时谈及几个问题 > - 彼此倾听方面表现糟糕, 很少耐心自习思索伴侣所说的话 > - 尽可能清楚明白, 详细具体地指出惹恼我们的特定行为, 应该专指某一特定事件, 不涉及普遍性 > > * 用第一人称明确说明自己的感受 “当你在 x 情景下做 x 的时候,我感到 z” > > - 复述和向对方检验自己的知觉, 积极主动地努力理解自己的伴侣

• Never let resentment set in

  • resolve things quickly
  • cultivate a culture of honest & loyalty
  • appreciate and gratitude her

Strategies on relationships

• be open-minded

  • you're curious about how things work, why people think what they think, and are willing to listen
  • it doesn't mean you have to accept or tolerate anything you don't agree with

• Don't show kindness to people who want to destroy you

  > -   your kindness will be forgotten and they will not do the same for you
  > -   **don't be kind towards harmful personss**
  

• don't waste time explaining yourself to people who don't like you

• focus on people who can take care of themselves

  • the secret of effortless relationships

• only real friends want you to be happy, or end it.

  • a friend is the one that crafts you for a better person, not a worse one

• don't disagree unless you have to, and agree when you can

HOW to communicate well

• stragegy

  • Always give before you take
    • soften the ground, take the bit out of a future request, or simply create a distraction
    • like an actual gift, a generous act, a kind favor, an "honest" adminssion
  • 做人有底线就够了, 不要追求风骨, 身段, 没有用处

  • 一个人不断进步的结果是遇到越来越精彩和优秀的人，你知道他／她真的很优秀，从外在到内心

  • 如果你想要说服别人，要诉诸利益，而非诉诸理性

• 工作中的沟通 - 沟通是为了让进度顺利推行, 更容易做事

  > -   对上 -> **取得信任与默契**
  
  > *   **先听懂对方说的话, 别急着表现自己的立场与想法**
  > *   培养彼此默契, 了解双方的差异
  > *   **懂得询问公司的目标与主观的想法, 再加入适当的个人建议,并再次询问主管对你提出的意见有何想法**
  >     -   让主管明白你不只是听懂他的话, 而且还能抓到重点, 并且顾及不同层面并提出适当建议
  > *   循序渐进地让主管慢慢和你站在同一阵线
  

  • 对下

  • 交代工作清楚, 确保对方明白 -> 该做的准备, 以及应达成的任务

  • 也要让对方有发表意见的反馈机会 -> 让工作朝彼此目标共同前进, 还能理解他人的想法

  • 同事 - 尊重

  • 沟通 - 站在对方的立场思考, 这样容易达成共识

• 商业伙伴的沟通

  • 学会尊重商业伙伴和博弈对手

    • 改掉那种沾别人点便宜就觉得别人傻的恶习, 否则, 路越走越窄
    • 别人一时不在乎并不意味着别人傻 - 他们比你聪明的多

  • win-win

    > -   **求同存异** - **共赢 + 不失原则的妥协**
    
    > *   **共同的，不同的和处于中间带**的观点
    
    > -   风险共担, 利益共享的模式
    > -   该讲法律的地方不要强调道德
    

  • 沟通的关键是找出差异与共同点； 信任是 了解对方的核心诉求，极力维持

    • 不是让对方全盘接受, 而是找出彼此的差异与共同点
    • 协调出大家可以相互配合,折中的方式

• 社交能力

  • 知道怎么站在别人的角度思考问题

    > -   尝试理解对方的需求；人际关系的本质是 **了解和应对别人的需求**
    > -   外交的艺术就是把你的愿望变成别人的愿望
    

  • 演技/掩饰 - 改变口音

    > -   没有信心时， 佯装自信
    > -   一旦获得成功，假装害羞和自我怀疑，以免引发他人妒恨
    

  • 有一个高质量的朋友圈（价值观一致，有一些相同的爱好，在一起说话，最好有趣一些）

How to be healthy and be in clear&calm mind

• peaceful of minded

  • meditation
  • diary

• experience

  • nature
  • exercise
  • chatting

• build a clear & calm & peace of mind

Success: Practical Thinking Skills

How to build your life

Purpose in Life

• Thoughts on Man's Purpose in Life

My God - the source of that universal vitality

• my mind can deal better with things when I have put order into them

• kindness and giving

My Soul - inner directive and energizing powers

• Desire is the essence of life （生命力）

• 心中宁静

  • 想要心中宁静，少做事

    • 只做必须之事； 而且做的适宜而心中宁静
    • 有节制， 较多闲暇，较少烦恼
    • 不做 没有目标的事
    • 减少动作， 减少思想

  • 只消凝神，心中立刻获得宁静

    • 心中自有宁静， 没有比自己灵魂更为清静的地方， 烦恼皆由内心而起
    • 随时都可以 退隐到自己的内心里去； 隐居，乃是最为庸俗的事情

  • 理性而积极入世

    • 履行现世世俗事物的义务，在尘世中尽自己的天职， 才是个人道德活动的最高形式
    • 上帝帮助那些 自助的人
      • 不要羞于受助， 因为要从事于加在你身上的工作的必须
    • 自强，自助，勤勉，守信， 虔诚， 在尘世中尽自己的天职

GOD is about love

爱上一个具体的人 -> 李银河：爱是最美好的生存状态

• 享用生命本身就是目的， 存在所享用的爱与美才是目的 - 李銀河

  • 享用自身的存在，自身的感受，此生的快乐
    • 感受爱的时候，充分体验到人心的美好
      感受美的时候， 充分体验世界的美
    • 把自己放在生活中， 安然所遭遇的一切
  • 多研究些问题， 少谈些观念，主义

• 爱是人最美好，最纯净，最有趣的生存状态

  • 精神上的需求， 不仅仅是动物性肉体的存在
  • 不知怎样才能去爱一个人，去得到一个人的爱
    • 灵魂缺乏营养， 干瘪，迟钝
    • 对美好的失去缺乏感知能力和渴望

• 能激发他激情的人

  • 世上 值得爱的人并不多， 不是长相丑陋，就是呆头呆脑
  • 有能激发人的激情之爱的素质 - 性格可爱，聪明幽默，才华出众
  • 懂得爱，渴望爱

• 最幸运的人是爱上一个人又得到这个人的爱

  • 欢喜 全部来自浪漫之爱本身的美好感觉
  • 爱可以为人带来愉悦和美感

• reference

  • 李银河：爱是最美好的生存状态

• 抽象的爱 - 爱上一个抽象的对象

  • 爱自然， 爱世界

love

• romantic love

• family love

• brotherly love that unites believers

  • care, respect, and compassion

• God's love

the good life

• the good life is a life inspired by love and guided by (scientific) knowledge

• love as an emotion

  • pure delight in contemplation
  • pure benevolence - being kind and helpful

• love is a combination of delight and well-wishing

• morality is kind of desire

  • someone wishes us to desire
  • powerful social forces - social approval and disapproval

About SOUL - inner energizing power

• there is the expansive, driving, urge of the soul in humans

• DESIRE is the essence of life

  • experience becomes the tool of desire
  • thus growth

About GOD - Life itself can be the new GOD

• Evolution - the essence of the cosmic process as life

  • active
  • the painstaking modification of environments
  • the ability to experiment and to learn
  • the insatiable desire

• the new GOD

  • the inventive vitality and abounding fertility of Nature
  • the persistent and creative life that struggles up from the energy of the atom to make the earth green with growth
  • stir the youth with ambition and the girl with tender longing
  • lust for light and growth

• SELF

  • consider myself a christian in the literal
  • sincerely admiring the personality and ethics of Christ

about SELF

• spirital, not a religious

build my habits from

• being driven by noble purposes

• mental/emotional fitness

  • being relax, happy, kind
  • being clear-minded, calm, smart

reference

• Success: Practical Thinking Skills
• [Fallen Leaves]
• Bertrand Russell on Love, Sex, What “the Good Life” Really Means, and How We Limit Our Happiness
• A Little History of Philosophy by Nigel Warburton
• critical thinking