Notes on people

#learning #self #important
notes

  • 社交魅力

    • 说话声音低一些，你的声音就会有磁性

      • 说话只要慢一些，就会有气质
      • 你敢停顿，就能显示出你的权威

    • 永远展现出舒适放松的状态，任何时候都不要紧张

      • 永远把任何你想接触的人 当成老朋友，交谈就行

    • 行就行，不行就拉倒

  • 紧张的时候, 建议7:3 - 注视对方7秒, 缓缓挪开3秒

  • 参加活动要把自己当 “主人”, 有“主人意识”

    • 如果对方觉得 无聊, 有“责任” 和他聊天
    • 找出 很多人关心的话题, 随时给自己引流
    • 关键节点 : 比如介绍有共同爱好的人 互相认识
    • 引流 : 给朋友之间搭桥

  • 对方跟你说 “负能量”, 你要说 “我更倒霉”

    • 不熟悉 不要为对方 为什么难受, 不要给人开解
    • 把元素夸大, 幽默

  • 不要把话题往自己身上引

    • 多引导对方说话, 做一个倾听者
    • 多捧场
      • 对方讲笑话就笑
      • 对方说了一些道理, 就说理解

对不同背景的人的理解和激励

  • 先学会“做好一件事”， 再学会“知道你的角色和团队协作”， 以及学会“如何与不同的人沟通”， 再考虑领导力的事

  • 领导力包含许多方面： 对不同背景的人的理解和激励，见识，阅历，耐心， 以及 在困难情况下做决定的能力

    • most people do not want truth. they want a story that protects their pride and gives their weakness a noble name. Speak to self-interest before you speak to logic. the mind resists correction, but it will open for the person who makes change feel like self-respect again, at last.
      • 先讲利益（情感，价值和需求），后讲逻辑
    • the wise man studies the ego first, because logic enters only where pride feels safe
      • people react to what the facts threaten inside them

  • character

    • 是否是个好人
    • integrity - 一致性
    • 言行一致，透明且可靠
    • family - accountability
    • courage
    • wisdom
    • temperance

Incentive

  • Intention vs Incentive

    • Intention is why you want to act
      • internal, comes from your personal desires, values, or purpose
    • Incentive is why you are being driven to act
      • external, comes from another person, a system, or the environment

  • game theory

    • incentives shape outcomes. Even a loyal cooperator could defect under the right incentives
    • the power to walk away unscathed enables superior negotiation tactics. The one who possesses an outside option can play more ruthlessly
    • Life is an iterated game. Your strategies may create harsh consequences for future interactions.
    • Cooperation is superior to defection, but only until the game nears its end. If there is no looming shadow of the future, betrayal is to be expected.

  • game theory explains why being "nice" without boundaries attracts exploitation

    • You are giving benefits without making behavior accountable. The other side learns they can receive your patience, forgiveness, attention, and effort without paying the price of respect. kindness without structure becomes a subsidy for bad behavior.
    • kindness is good until you have set appropriate boundaries and limitations,if not it will start to exploit you and your peace.

develop a BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) to gain leverage in negotiations

No Asshole
  • Don't hire any assholes
    • After encountering the person, do people feel oppressed, humiliated or otherwise worse about themselves?
    • Does the person target people who are less powerful than him/her?

reference