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stop avoiding hard conversations
- East Asian cultures emphasise humility and conformity over assertiveness
- Assertiveness
- the quality of being confident and not frightened to say what you want or believe
- “I speak up and share my views when it is appropriate” and
"I am willing to engage in constructive interpersonal confrontations"
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In order to gain respect and earn power, you have to be willing to embrace conflict
- Those who avoid difficult conversations or resolving disputes, cannot be trusted to handle challenging situations
- It is critical for a leader to be willing to confront people and resolve conflicts that impact the people that work with you and for you
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Lean into conflict rather than shy away from it
- approach-based
- confrontation
- compromise
- negotiation
- avoidant
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Indians preferred negotiation, followed by confrontation
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The costs of conflict avoidance
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when you manage others, you have to be willing to provide negative feedback and criticism.
If you are too afraid to deliver a harsh message because you’re afraid of making someone feel bad or making yourself feel uncomfortable
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undermines your ability to lead because you are unwilling to confront the issues,
which makes you appear weak, apathetic or oblivious
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demoralises your best performers because you accept mediocrity
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Steps to better embrace conflict
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Be comfortable with discomfort
- the short term pain of pulling the Band-Aid off quickly is much better than slowly peeling it off
- Learn to deal with the anxiety and distress caused by conflict or tension.
The passive aggression only leads to suppressed and growing bitterness that
is just as uncomfortable than the momentary discomfort of directly confronting a person or situation
- People who don’t like feeling uncomfortable or being in awkward situations
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Don’t beat around the bush
- be willing to be direct and to the point.
You must be intentional and explicit in what you say, if you want the other party to fully grasp where you are coming from
- firmly and confidently articulating your position. This is often takes preparation and practice in order to clearly communicate your points
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Lead by Example
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people wanna follow a leader who they can trust to do the right thing and take care of them.
If there is a team member that is being difficult or not carrying their weight, they want a leader deal with that person firmly.
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a healthy environment is created when the team knows how to manage and resolve internal conflicts
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reframe conflict as an opportunity
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What if you position conflict as a learning opportunity for all parties involved?
A chance for each party to openly share their frustrations and grievances with one another as an exercise to reset through direct communication.
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Most conflicts arise out of misunderstanding or miscommunication in the first place.
Resolving conflict allows you to bring everyone to the same table and get everyone back on the same page.
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Only by having a conversation, you are able to clarify your positions. You also have the opportunity to persuade them or be persuaded to find compromise.