About self-actualization and self-reflections lessons and skills skills 自我的自主性是第一 人生苦短，尽量消解不确定性，把生活主动权掌握在自己手上 不要去做螺丝钉 有一个自主性的意识在，对这个事情有基本判断； 从现实出发，试试看； 否则全部都是别人给你设的，怎么样去满足别人的要求，那会很痛苦 你的存在是先的，然后去不去做 只是一个选择，结果也是多样的 不断突破并改写自己的叙事框架，才可以获得这一层次的自由 否则 社会或他人潜移默化的规训 处事方式比你圆滑 真诚 or ? 以对方喜欢的方式 对待对方 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板 选择策略 有时说出自己的观点和看法是尊重他人学识的表现；有时隐藏自己的观点和看法可以避免不必要的争端 如果你说出某个争端，试着将气氛缓和下来；可以将自己观点表述出来，听听他们如何争辩； “你觉得呢？” 有时争论过无数次，都没结果，可以不必提起这个话题 内省及由此而获得的自我认识 能想清楚自己为什么要做某件事情，是一种有普遍价值的生活技能 当你迷失或虚伪时，人们一眼就可以看出来；当你开放和自信时，人们会欣赏 至少要与经常见面但不喜欢的人有至少一些接触 如“今天过得怎么样？”， 至少会让对方觉得你在努力 从具体的问题看，从周边非常具体地看生活 我们只能懂小的东西，也不懂大的东西 用大的象征符号说话是很容易的，因为它不用去处理那些丰富的，细致的，互相矛盾的材料 当你被那些宏大的东西绝对化之后，小的东西不仅被忽视，而且觉得小的东西不应该存在 做好可控的因素， 对不可控的因素 担心也没用 减少内耗 In comes from within focus on yourself and not the world fight the battles inside you first and then watch the world change around you “空” - 禪宗 我的心超越这一切，孤寂而自由 无论外界怎么变迁，我只是随时应变，但我的心不会随之而迁流 宋明的新儒家 和 禅宗 是有一条秘密通道的， 而薛宝钗就位于这条秘密通道上 一扇大门的存在， 她对世界保持着一种疏离感； 在大门之内，她的生命依旧向着阳光怒放 宝钗虽然拥有超越而从容的力量，但代价就是寂寞 Fairness - 好好做自己 Fairness means treating people according to their needs explore the differences and develop them into talents. This development can still be considered fair, even though it isn't equal In a broader social context, fairness takes the form of justice fairly balance the needs of the individual with the needs of the larger whole equality means treating everyone exactly the same only in the sense that they'rea ll equally part of the same whole at the basic level of equal human rights 只做必须之事， 也把必须之事做好 做的适宜，不做没有目标的事 知道自己要什么 围绕眼前的实践来提升认知 需要什么，再学习什么，不要脱离实际 愿意接受挑战 Strong men know no one is coming, and start helping themselves “失意不要灰心，得意切莫忘形； 求人不如求己，做人要有骨气” accountable 商人玩的是 赚钱的游戏 尽可能避免零和游戏，因为它并不创造财富 like the people who like you back or support you or loyal to you 看到他想要提高并让队友们变得更好 tit-for-tat: 现代博弈论也证明了最优战略是“一报还一报” your family is the most important thing in life invest as much quality time with them as possible skipped toxic people 负面的人 never let anyone get too comfortable with disrespecting you deal with people how they deal with you, hardly, barely, and accordingly stop worrying about people who doen't even care about you softskills 看到自己愿意的就主动争取和结交 不断的鼓励自己，挑战自己 输了我可以重来，没有第一我可以再抢第一 不管什么，我都可以站起来 在这个过程中变得自信 lessons 有底线即可, 无必要追求风骨 self 找到了一种平衡 渐渐更喜欢和别人一起，也更善于结识新朋友 也喜欢有一两个小时的独处时间 内省及由此而获得的自我认识 能想清楚自己为什么要做某件事情，是一种有普遍价值的生活技能 当你迷失或虚伪时，人们一眼就可以看出来；当你开放和自信时，人们会欣赏 不仅要奖励自己取得的成就，也要奖励自己付出的努力 必须告诉自己，我已经努力了， 我可以对自己感觉良好 要对自己是什么样的人感到舒服 并让别人看到你是怎么样的人；然后让他们决定是否要你成为他们的领导 心中宁静 需要积极理性的生活； 需要追逐 利益 只消凝神，立刻获得宁静 inner silence and stillness - feel the calm, control, and power hidden within you 我不跟人比 但我跟自己相处很好所以我自信 人生的欲望 名利之心 避免无聊的唯一出路，是过一种审美的生活， 去创造一些美出来 世俗生活中，人际关系是 烦恼来源 无论爱情友情亲情， 投入不一致（深浅轻重多少），才造成痛苦困扰 自己的长处是什么 - 回馈分析法 feedback analysis build on the strengths : write down the outcome you expect and compare results 专注于自己的长处， 把自己放到那些能发挥长处的地方 加强自己的长处 -> 哪些需要改善自己的技能或学习新技能； 知识上的差距 努力学习新技能，汲取新知识 编程 发现任何偏见和无知，加以克服 纠正不良习惯 - 影响工作成效和工作表现的事情 内心戏太多 赖床 -> 晚起 没有以 领导为核心 规律化 缺乏礼貌 说“请”和“谢谢”， 记住别人的名字，或问候对方家人 多和周围熟悉的人打招呼 自己不能做什么 -> 尽量少把精力浪费在那些不能胜任的领域上 天性 - 性格，动机，价值观 自己的工作方式是怎样的？ - how do I work? - 自己平时是怎样把事情做成的 读者型（习惯阅读信息） 还是 听者型（习惯听取信息） 自己如何学习 从实干中学习 从笔记中学习 从读来学习 从写来学习 从听来学习 对“解決问题”的向往 凡是有价值的思想，都是从“具体的问题”下手的 先研究问题的各方面事实，看看病在哪里； 再提出种种解决方法，然后加上想象力，推想一个假定的解决法 自我教育 贵族教育是非实用性的； 对于普通家庭出身的我，需要一技傍身，没那么多适错的机会 素质教育更重要的是心智的提升 差距最大的是 演讲能力和写作能力 走出家族的影响，不要被孝道文化所合理化 说的有没有道理很重要 开发思维框架，而不是工具和技术层面 自我管理 自省能力的优劣 不管对方的动机， 如果我认为不对，回归事件本身 乐观主义， 即使身处困境 单枪匹马 独当一面的能力 在怎样的关系下与他人共事 partner （平等互利的关系下） 不怎么会做下属 却很想 follow 别人 追求独立（不愿意失去自尊），却能力不足以至于不得不听话 如何才能取得成果 决策者还是顾问？ 决策者， 需要顾问来迫使他们思考 压力下表现出色， 还是按部就班，可预测的工作环境？ 管理你的生活 定义对你而言什么是“有意义的” 管理 自己的 精疲力竭 心态管理 与其抱怨，不如正视 不自卑，不攀比，坚持最好的自我 和有视野有资源的同学做朋友 努力争取自己想要的东西，珍惜和感恩自己的所得 不忘初心，珍惜所有，用自己的资源多去提携他人，朋友和孩子 自己的价值观是什么 - what are my values? what kind of person do I want to see in the mirror? 每天早晨在镜子里想看到一个什么样的人？ 做有价值的事情 把自己的思维放到 5 年，10 年后，想想自己需要什么样的生活 自己属于何处 知道自己的长处，工作方式和价值观 “是的，我将做这件事。但是，我将按照我自己的特点，采取这样的方式来做这件事，进行这样的组织安排，这样来处理当中所牵涉的关系。这是我在这个时间范围内应该会取得的成果，因为这就是我。” you should work hard and always think about how you can do better and take on more responsibility. life is not only about work, it’s also about your relationships with your family and romantic partner, friendship, and self-interest. Life is everything and if you don’t balance well you won’t be happy. 我该做什么贡献 对人际关系负责 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板 重要的是， 他们能否有所作为以及他们持有什么样的价值观 沟通责任 正在做这些工作的人必须确保懂得他们设法做的事什么，为什么要做这件事，如何去做以及期望什么结果 组织建立在信任的基础上； 信任意味着彼此了解 广结善缘 不要一次性的利益交换，基于长久积累的信任； 能多帮就多帮 走出自己的世界 把自己那个世界规则吃透，各种人都要认识 你走出自己的世界，是为了追寻多元的价值 对人不能冷血，对事不能温情 对人要有温情，对事要严厉 对人礼貌，要学会对人微笑和怎样对人说话 认知 富人思维 自主催化，闭环的能力 -> 独立的内生循环， 进而可以自己解放出来 管理后半生 发展第二职业 关注 关心政治和社会 关心 受难的人 The Minto Pyramid Principle TODO reference The Minto Pyramid Principle Friend & Foe ch1 - balance between feeling good about ourselves and feeling motivated to perform well find the right social comparison balance help us understand how well we are doing is by looking at others anticipate the possibility that our successes will upset others be modest is to share negative information use social comparison to boost your own motivation seek unfavorable comparisons if you wanna push yourself harder light a competitive fire, consider those who have accomplished a bit more than you have seek favorable comparisons if you wanna feel happier consider those who are less fortunate, volunteering for those less fortunate ch2 - to be confident but also deferential confident yet courteous (polite and showing respect) knowing you're worth and also be kind (humble and don't look down on others) combine power and perspective-taking power makes us more confident and optimistic; and helps us reach our destination faster need some mechanism for keeping our egos in check the ability to take another's perspective perspective-taking understand the other's wants and needs, what they are thinking consciously choosing to actively get inside the head of another person ask more critical "why" and "what" questions use facial and bodily mimicry to facilitate perspective-taking people like being mimicked; mimickers seem cooperative appreciate the needs of the others while we need to advance our own interests and concerns too much empathy making deep cooperation when they're likely to be exploited empathy (feeling the other person's emotions) is less effective in a negotiation than is perspective-taking figure out when perspective-taking helps us and when it hurts perspective-taking without any empathy is dangerous to be confident the feeling of power like a king, we are more likely to act like one your experience of your own power can matter as much how much power you actually have recalling an experience with power, taking on a powerful posture one primed with power displayed greater confidence, and thus viewed as more capable and competent power blinds us to the plight of others know you're worth ch3 - Hierarchy <- harness the benefits of hierarchy while mitigating its downsides Hierarchy can produce the coordination effectively to implement and produce the well-conceived decision managers set direction and facilitate collaboration Hierarchy offers needed structure in the face of chaos (threatening or little control) Hierarchy helps achieve the collaborative coordination by suppressing individual desires and synchronizing behavior Hierarchy helps people know who does what, when, and how; these rules promote efficient interactions by setting clear expectations for the behaviors of people of different ranks co-leadership is a bad idea; this creates uncertainty over who is really in charge; the actions of two equally powerful people can be especially difficult to coordinate how much the group performance requires coordination between the members when in interdependent settings, more talent can lead to bad group performace when individuals perform largely independent tasks, it's better have enough talent how and when to fluctuate between more versus less hierarchy leaders need to create psychological safety to encourage broad participation; and a leader sets the vision and the course and integrates all the different perspectives to make the best decisions we need everyone's perspective in a complex and dynamic decision-making leaders and members need to communicate frequently and coordinate not only physically but also intellectually speak up and alert leaders to changing conditions and impending problems promote Psychological safety for the lower-status members team members feel encouraged to ask for clarification, to point out critical errors, and even to share new and challenging ideas leaders need access to the most complete and varied information; to ensure the perspectives and wisdom of the less powerful are brought to light ch6 - Trust <- balance between warmth and competence build warmth demonstrate concern for others + we trust warm people, because they care about us feel emotion on the inside, and express warmth effectively on the outside like "I'm sorry about the rain" shows concern and conveys warmth + nonverbal cues - like physical connection like handshakes, an embrace, a pat on the shoulder, or even a light touch on an elbow a little vulnerability makes you seem approachable and warm in less time like "spilling their coffee" or "telling a bad joke" we trust competent people, because they are credible, effective, and efficient use the right terms and jargon to appear competent our deeds match our words -> hypocrite are you "like me" or not? trust those who are "in" our group introduce a common enemy asking for advice seeking advice and another's perspective can lead to long-term benefits makes people feel committed to your success (an investment). we just flattered someone by seeking their advice if the request is not completely obvious asking for advice shows deference and respect follow up with everyone of your advice givers and let them know how much their insights have helped if you didn't take their advice, it was their insight that helped you think about your situation in a different light, and that their unique perspective turned out to be essential for your success self-promotion doesn't always work very well balance between trust and deception think carefully about what we do not want to believe establish a baseline (what constitutes "normal" behaviors), and start to ask pressing questions actively look for those clues we hope not to find think carefully about what we do not want to believe, and what we want to believe, before we place our trust in others Trust but verify deception intentionally misleads a target balance between telling the truth and being kind how important is it to boost a person's self-esteem how useful is the feedback for their long-term success ? ch10 - explore the mechanics of when and how to begin a competition know the nature of the competition if names are listed sequentially, like voting, be listed first if it is a serial competition with more than a few candidates (like an interview process), go later and preferably last if it is a yes/no decision, know the default. if the default is unfavorable to you, go first. If the default is favorable, go last a well-informed negotiator does better by going first take the time to gain more information - the item/industry, your opponent's preferences making the first offer anchors the negotiation in our favor Strategic study and thinking classify the problems define the problem how to best formulate a problem try to be more specific if the problem concerns how a goal or target whether the problem so-defined is real or not classify the problem empirical questions -> concern empirical facts, particular events or causal processes in the world need observations or experiments or the help of experts in the field the prior beliefs should be evaluated according to empirical data conceptual questions conceptual analysis and reasoning is enough to answer without engaging in experiments or observations evaluative questions - value judgments distinction between intrinsic and instrumental values consider the consequences of the action, or the motives behind the action once knowing the empirical facts, then we can apply the correct moral standards to judge whether the action is good or bad solve problems understand the problem is the problem well-defined? can the problem be analysed into smaller sub-problems? what type of problem is it? what information can we gather about the problem? have other people solve this problem before? what lessons might their experiences offer? what are the constraints (time, money, resources,etc) in solving the problem? draw up a plan carry out necessary preparations, like research, coordination determine the time and resources needed write down the plan in a systematic manner try out the plan monitor progress to make sure that things go according to plan record errors or special considerations for furutre review monitor the outcome of the plan review past experiences and understand why we succeed or fail monitor our own performance review the whole exercise in order that we can do even better in the future understand complex systems and processes decomposition identify the functions of different components, and see how they interact with each other understand the function and behavior of a object in terms of its components and their interaction making good decisions focus on the process of making a decision emotions are crucial in helping us come to a decision need to listen to our feelings because we often have to live with the decisions that we have made some of our deep-deated emotional reactions might come from those aspects of our personality that we are not able to change the heart has its reasons which reason does not know use a pros and cons list good reasons or good consequences spend more time thinking carefully about a difficult and important decision reference Strategic study techniques creative thinking The idea of innovation “It’s better to solve the right problem approximately than to solve the wrong problem exactly” - John Turkey reference Creativity critical thinking - 思辨能力 think clearly and rationally Why 拒绝不恰当的想法，以更加接近真理与真相 尽可能求得最理性，客观的判断 帮助我们建立 严谨而扎实的推理结构，更容易令他人理解与认同 高级的 思辨能力是公正无私的 试图评论一切推理的真正优点与缺失， 无论出于自己或他人 不会控制他人或逃避真相，而是 用有道德，负责的态度思考问题 愿意聆听自己未必赞同的论点，如有更正确的推理，也愿意改变自己的观点或立场 What - think clearly and rationally about what to do or what to believe ask questions and to keep asking them until you are satisfied with the answer inquiry to determine the nature of the problem before proceeding to attempts at its solution self-evalution evalute the pros and cons of your decisions? break down a complex problem into parts ? do you have reasons for your confidence? do you have a way to evaluate your own thinking? do u take other people's experiences into account? think clearly why pursuit of knowledge know ourselves a little better, dispel prejudices communicate more richly and persuasively stage 1 - why you believe something to be true or important stage 2 - the assumptions this reasoning relies upon stage 3 - what you do and don't know, where you're uncertain info How to think clearly 自己的长处是什么 - 回馈分析法 feedback analysis build on the strengths : write down the outcome you expect and compare results 专注于自己的长处， 把自己放到那些能发挥长处的地方 加强自己的长处 -> 哪些需要改善自己的技能或学习新技能； 知识上的差距 努力学习新技能，汲取新知识 编程 发现任何偏见和无知，加以克服 纠正不良习惯 - 影响工作成效和工作表现的事情 内心戏太多 赖床 -> 晚起 没有以 领导为核心 规律化 缺乏礼貌 说“请”和“谢谢”， 记住别人的名字，或问候对方家人 多和周围熟悉的人打招呼 自己不能做什么 -> 尽量少把精力浪费在那些不能胜任的领域上 天性 - 性格，动机，价值观 自己的工作方式是怎样的？ - how do I work? - 自己平时是怎样把事情做成的 读者型（习惯阅读信息） 还是 听者型（习惯听取信息） 自己如何学习 从实干中学习 从笔记中学习 从读来学习 从写来学习 从听来学习 对“解決问题”的向往 凡是有价值的思想，都是从“具体的问题”下手的 先研究问题的各方面事实，看看病在哪里； 再提出种种解决方法，然后加上想象力，推想一个假定的解决法 自我教育 贵族教育是非实用性的； 对于普通家庭出身的我，需要一技傍身，没那么多适错的机会 素质教育更重要的是心智的提升 差距最大的是 演讲能力和写作能力 走出家族的影响，不要被孝道文化所合理化 说的有没有道理很重要 开发思维框架，而不是工具和技术层面 自我管理 自省能力的优劣 不管对方的动机， 如果我认为不对，回归事件本身 乐观主义， 即使身处困境 单枪匹马 独当一面的能力 在怎样的关系下与他人共事 partner （平等互利的关系下） 不怎么会做下属 却很想 follow 别人 追求独立（不愿意失去自尊），却能力不足以至于不得不听话 如何才能取得成果 决策者还是顾问？ 决策者， 需要顾问来迫使他们思考 压力下表现出色， 还是按部就班，可预测的工作环境？ 管理你的生活 定义对你而言什么是“有意义的” 管理 自己的 精疲力竭 心态管理 与其抱怨，不如正视 不自卑，不攀比，坚持最好的自我 和有视野有资源的同学做朋友 努力争取自己想要的东西，珍惜和感恩自己的所得 不忘初心，珍惜所有，用自己的资源多去提携他人，朋友和孩子 自己的价值观是什么 - what are my values? what kind of person do I want to see in the mirror? 每天早晨在镜子里想看到一个什么样的人？ 做有价值的事情 把自己的思维放到 5 年，10 年后，想想自己需要什么样的生活 自己属于何处 知道自己的长处，工作方式和价值观 “是的，我将做这件事。但是，我将按照我自己的特点，采取这样的方式来做这件事，进行这样的组织安排，这样来处理当中所牵涉的关系。这是我在这个时间范围内应该会取得的成果，因为这就是我。” you should work hard and always think about how you can do better and take on more responsibility Also, life is not only about work, it’s also about your relationships with your family and romantic partner, friendship, and self-interest. Life is everything and if you don’t balance well you won’t be happy. 我该做什么贡献 对人际关系负责 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板 重要的是， 他们能否有所作为以及他们持有什么样的价值观 沟通责任 正在做这些工作的人必须确保懂得他们设法做的事什么，为什么要做这件事，如何去做以及期望什么结果 组织建立在信任的基础上； 信任意味着彼此了解 广结善缘 不要一次性的利益交换，基于长久积累的信任； 能多帮就多帮 走出自己的世界 把自己那个世界规则吃透，各种人都要认识 你走出自己的世界，是为了追寻多元的价值 对人不能冷血，对事不能温情 对人要有温情，对事要严厉 对人礼貌，要学会对人微笑和怎样对人说话 认知 富人思维 自主催化，闭环的能力 -> 独立的内生循环， 进而可以自己解放出来 管理后半生 发展第二职业 关注 关心政治和社会 关心 受难的人 reference Artist of Life by Bruce Lee Strategic thinking critical thinking Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy 科学的争议与骗局 五月谈谈科学启蒙 李培根：批判性思维到底和我们有什么关系？ How to Solve It by G. Polya