About self-actualization and self-reflections

lessons and skills

• skills

  • 自我的自主性是第一

    • 人生苦短，尽量消解不确定性，把生活主动权掌握在自己手上
      • 不要去做螺丝钉
    • 有一个自主性的意识在，对这个事情有基本判断； 从现实出发，试试看； 否则全部都是别人给你设的，怎么样去满足别人的要求，那会很痛苦
    • 你的存在是先的，然后去不去做 只是一个选择，结果也是多样的
    • 不断突破并改写自己的叙事框架，才可以获得这一层次的自由
      • 否则 社会或他人潜移默化的规训

  • 处事方式比你圆滑

    • 真诚 or ?

      • 以对方喜欢的方式 对待对方
      • 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作
        • 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板

    • 选择策略

      • 有时说出自己的观点和看法是尊重他人学识的表现；有时隐藏自己的观点和看法可以避免不必要的争端
      • 如果你说出某个争端，试着将气氛缓和下来；可以将自己观点表述出来，听听他们如何争辩； “你觉得呢？”
      • 有时争论过无数次，都没结果，可以不必提起这个话题

    • 内省及由此而获得的自我认识

      • 能想清楚自己为什么要做某件事情，是一种有普遍价值的生活技能
      • 当你迷失或虚伪时，人们一眼就可以看出来；当你开放和自信时，人们会欣赏

    • 至少要与经常见面但不喜欢的人有至少一些接触

      • 如“今天过得怎么样？”， 至少会让对方觉得你在努力

  • 从具体的问题看，从周边非常具体地看生活

    • 我们只能懂小的东西，也不懂大的东西
    • 用大的象征符号说话是很容易的，因为它不用去处理那些丰富的，细致的，互相矛盾的材料
    • 当你被那些宏大的东西绝对化之后，小的东西不仅被忽视，而且觉得小的东西不应该存在

  • 做好可控的因素， 对不可控的因素 担心也没用

    • 减少内耗

    • In comes from within

      • focus on yourself and not the world
      • fight the battles inside you first and then watch the world change around you

    • “空” - 禪宗

      • 我的心超越这一切，孤寂而自由
        • 无论外界怎么变迁，我只是随时应变，但我的心不会随之而迁流
      • 宋明的新儒家 和 禅宗 是有一条秘密通道的， 而薛宝钗就位于这条秘密通道上
        • 一扇大门的存在， 她对世界保持着一种疏离感； 在大门之内，她的生命依旧向着阳光怒放

  • Fairness - 好好做自己

    • Fairness means treating people according to their needs

      • explore the differences and develop them into talents. This development can still be considered fair, even though it isn't equal

    • In a broader social context, fairness takes the form of justice

      • fairly balance the needs of the individual with the needs of the larger whole

    • equality means treating everyone exactly the same

      • only in the sense that they'rea ll equally part of the same whole
      • at the basic level of equal human rights

  • 只做必须之事， 也把必须之事做好

    • 做的适宜，不做没有目标的事
    • 知道自己要什么

  • 围绕眼前的实践来提升认知

    • 需要什么，再学习什么，不要脱离实际

  • 愿意接受挑战

    • Strong men know no one is coming, and start helping themselves
    • “失意不要灰心，得意切莫忘形； 求人不如求己，做人要有骨气”
    • accountable

  • 商人玩的是 赚钱的游戏

    • 尽可能避免零和游戏，因为它并不创造财富

  • like the people who like you back or support you

    • or loyal to you
    • 看到他想要提高并让队友们变得更好
      • tit-for-tat: 现代博弈论也证明了最优战略是“一报还一报”

  • your family is the most important thing in life

    • invest as much quality time with them as possible

  • skipped toxic people

    • 负面的人
    • never let anyone get too comfortable with disrespecting you
    • deal with people how they deal with you, hardly, barely, and accordingly
    • stop worrying about people who doen't even care about you

• softskills

  • 看到自己愿意的就主动争取和结交
  • 不断的鼓励自己，挑战自己
    • 输了我可以重来，没有第一我可以再抢第一
    • 不管什么，我都可以站起来
    • 在这个过程中变得自信

• lessons

  • 有底线即可, 无必要追求风骨

• self

  • 找到了一种平衡

    • 渐渐更喜欢和别人一起，也更善于结识新朋友
    • 也喜欢有一两个小时的独处时间

  • 内省及由此而获得的自我认识

    • 能想清楚自己为什么要做某件事情，是一种有普遍价值的生活技能
    • 当你迷失或虚伪时，人们一眼就可以看出来；当你开放和自信时，人们会欣赏

  • 不仅要奖励自己取得的成就，也要奖励自己付出的努力

    • 必须告诉自己，我已经努力了， 我可以对自己感觉良好

  • 要对自己是什么样的人感到舒服

    • 并让别人看到你是怎么样的人；然后让他们决定是否要你成为他们的领导

• 心中宁静

  • 需要积极理性的生活； 需要追逐 利益

    • 只消凝神，立刻获得宁静
    • inner silence and stillness - feel the calm, control, and power hidden within you
    • 我不跟人比 但我跟自己相处很好所以我自信

  • 人生的欲望

    • 名利之心
    • 避免无聊的唯一出路，是过一种审美的生活， 去创造一些美出来

  • 世俗生活中，人际关系是 烦恼来源

    • 无论爱情友情亲情， 投入不一致（深浅轻重多少），才造成痛苦困扰

自己的长处是什么 - 回馈分析法 feedback analysis

• build on the strengths : write down the outcome you expect and compare results

• 专注于自己的长处， 把自己放到那些能发挥长处的地方

  • 加强自己的长处 -> 哪些需要改善自己的技能或学习新技能； 知识上的差距
  • 努力学习新技能，汲取新知识
  • 编程

• 发现任何偏见和无知，加以克服

• 纠正不良习惯 - 影响工作成效和工作表现的事情

  • 内心戏太多
  • 赖床 -> 晚起
  • 没有以 领导为核心
  • 规律化

• 缺乏礼貌

  • 说“请”和“谢谢”， 记住别人的名字，或问候对方家人
  • 多和周围熟悉的人打招呼

• 自己不能做什么 -> 尽量少把精力浪费在那些不能胜任的领域上

• 天性 - 性格，动机，价值观

自己的工作方式是怎样的？ - how do I work? - 自己平时是怎样把事情做成的

• 读者型（习惯阅读信息） 还是 听者型（习惯听取信息）

自己如何学习

• 从实干中学习

• 从笔记中学习

• 从读来学习
• 从写来学习

• 从听来学习

• 对“解決问题”的向往

  • 凡是有价值的思想，都是从“具体的问题”下手的
  • 先研究问题的各方面事实，看看病在哪里； 再提出种种解决方法，然后加上想象力，推想一个假定的解决法

• 自我教育

  • 贵族教育是非实用性的； 对于普通家庭出身的我，需要一技傍身，没那么多适错的机会
  • 素质教育更重要的是心智的提升
    • 差距最大的是 演讲能力和写作能力
  • 走出家族的影响，不要被孝道文化所合理化
  • 说的有没有道理很重要

• 开发思维框架，而不是工具和技术层面

自我管理

• 自省能力的优劣

  • 不管对方的动机， 如果我认为不对，回归事件本身

• 乐观主义， 即使身处困境

• 单枪匹马

  • 独当一面的能力

• 在怎样的关系下与他人共事

  • partner （平等互利的关系下）
  • 不怎么会做下属 却很想follow别人
  • 追求独立（不愿意失去自尊），却能力不足以至于不得不听话

• 如何才能取得成果

  • 决策者还是顾问？
  • 决策者， 需要顾问来迫使他们思考

• 压力下表现出色， 还是按部就班，可预测的工作环境？

• 管理你的生活

  • 定义对你而言什么是“有意义的”

• 管理 自己的 精疲力竭

• 心态管理

  • 与其抱怨，不如正视
  • 不自卑，不攀比，坚持最好的自我
  • 和有视野有资源的同学做朋友
  • 努力争取自己想要的东西，珍惜和感恩自己的所得
  • 不忘初心，珍惜所有，用自己的资源多去提携他人，朋友和孩子

自己的价值观是什么 - what are my values?

• what kind of person do I want to see in the mirror?

  • 每天早晨在镜子里想看到一个什么样的人？
    • 做有价值的事情

• 把自己的思维放到5年，10年后，想想自己需要什么样的生活

自己属于何处

• 知道自己的长处，工作方式和价值观

• “是的，我将做这件事。但是，我将按照我自己的特点，采取这样的方式来做这件事，进行这样的组织安排，这样来处理当中所牵涉的关系。这是我在这个时间范围内应该会取得的成果，因为这就是我。”

• you should work hard and always think about how you can do better and take on more responsibility.

  • life is not only about work, it’s also about your relationships with your family and romantic partner, friendship, and self-interest.
  • Life is everything and if you don’t balance well you won’t be happy.

我该做什么贡献

对人际关系负责

• 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作

  • 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板

• 重要的是， 他们能否有所作为以及他们持有什么样的价值观

• 沟通责任

  • 正在做这些工作的人必须确保懂得他们设法做的事什么，为什么要做这件事，如何去做以及期望什么结果
  • 组织建立在信任的基础上； 信任意味着彼此了解

• 广结善缘

  • 不要一次性的利益交换，基于长久积累的信任； 能多帮就多帮

• 走出自己的世界

  • 把自己那个世界规则吃透，各种人都要认识
  • 你走出自己的世界，是为了追寻多元的价值

• 对人不能冷血，对事不能温情

  • 对人要有温情，对事要严厉

• 对人礼貌，要学会对人微笑和怎样对人说话

认知

• 富人思维
  • 自主催化，闭环的能力 -> 独立的内生循环， 进而可以自己解放出来

管理后半生

• 发展第二职业

关注

• 关心政治和社会
• 关心 受难的人

The Minto Pyramid Principle

• TODO

• reference

  • The Minto Pyramid Principle

Friend & Foe

ch1 - balance between feeling good about ourselves and feeling motivated to perform well

• find the right social comparison balance

  • help us understand how well we are doing is by looking at others
  • anticipate the possibility that our successes will upset others
    • be modest is to share negative information

• use social comparison to boost your own motivation

  • seek unfavorable comparisons if you wanna push yourself harder

    • light a competitive fire, consider those who have accomplished a bit more than you have

  • seek favorable comparisons if you wanna feel happier

    • consider those who are less fortunate, volunteering for those less fortunate

ch2 - to be confident but also deferential

• confident yet courteous (polite and showing respect)

  • knowing you're worth and also be kind (humble and don't look down on others)

• combine power and perspective-taking

  • power makes us more confident and optimistic; and helps us reach our destination faster
  • need some mechanism for keeping our egos in check
    • the ability to take another's perspective

• perspective-taking

  • understand the other's wants and needs, what they are thinking

    • consciously choosing to actively get inside the head of another person

      • ask more critical "why" and "what" questions
      • use facial and bodily mimicry to facilitate perspective-taking
      • people like being mimicked; mimickers seem cooperative

    • appreciate the needs of the others while we need to advance our own interests and concerns

    • too much empathy making deep cooperation when they're likely to be exploited
      • empathy (feeling the other person's emotions) is less effective in a negotiation than is perspective-taking

  • figure out when perspective-taking helps us and when it hurts

    • perspective-taking without any empathy is dangerous

• to be confident

  • the feeling of power like a king, we are more likely to act like one

    • your experience of your own power can matter as much how much power you actually have
    • recalling an experience with power, taking on a powerful posture
    • one primed with power displayed greater confidence, and thus viewed as more capable and competent
    • power blinds us to the plight of others

  • know you're worth

ch3 - Hierarchy <- harness the benefits of hierarchy while mitigating its downsides

• Hierarchy can produce the coordination effectively to implement and produce the well-conceived decision

  • managers set direction and facilitate collaboration

  • Hierarchy offers needed structure in the face of chaos (threatening or little control)

    • Hierarchy helps achieve the collaborative coordination by suppressing individual desires and synchronizing behavior
    • Hierarchy helps people know who does what, when, and how; these rules promote efficient interactions by setting clear expectations for the behaviors of people of different ranks
    • co-leadership is a bad idea; this creates uncertainty over who is really in charge; the actions of two equally powerful people can be especially difficult to coordinate

  • how much the group performance requires coordination between the members

    • when in interdependent settings, more talent can lead to bad group performace
    • when individuals perform largely independent tasks, it's better have enough talent

• how and when to fluctuate between more versus less hierarchy

  • leaders need to create psychological safety to encourage broad participation; and a leader sets the vision and the course and integrates all the different perspectives to make the best decisions

    • we need everyone's perspective in a complex and dynamic decision-making
    • leaders and members need to communicate frequently and coordinate not only physically but also intellectually
    • speak up and alert leaders to changing conditions and impending problems

  • promote Psychological safety for the lower-status members

    • team members feel encouraged to ask for clarification, to point out critical errors, and even to share new and challenging ideas
    • leaders need access to the most complete and varied information; to ensure the perspectives and wisdom of the less powerful are brought to light

ch6 - Trust <- balance between warmth and competence

• build warmth

  • demonstrate concern for others

    • we trust warm people, because they care about us
    • feel emotion on the inside, and express warmth effectively on the outside
    • like "I'm sorry about the rain" shows concern and conveys warmth
    • nonverbal cues - like physical connection like handshakes, an embrace, a pat on the shoulder, or even a light touch on an elbow

  • a little vulnerability makes you seem approachable and warm in less time

    • like "spilling their coffee" or "telling a bad joke"

• we trust competent people, because they are credible, effective, and efficient

  • use the right terms and jargon to appear competent
  • our deeds match our words -> hypocrite

• are you "like me" or not?

  • trust those who are "in" our group
  • introduce a common enemy

• asking for advice

  • seeking advice and another's perspective can lead to long-term benefits makes people feel committed to your success (an investment).
  • we just flattered someone by seeking their advice if the request is not completely obvious
    • asking for advice shows deference and respect

  • follow up with everyone of your advice givers and let them know how much their insights have helped

    • if you didn't take their advice, it was their insight that helped you think about your situation in a different light, and that their unique perspective turned out to be essential for your success

  • self-promotion doesn't always work very well

balance between trust and deception

• think carefully about what we do not want to believe

  • establish a baseline (what constitutes "normal" behaviors), and start to ask pressing questions

  • actively look for those clues we hope not to find

  • think carefully about what we do not want to believe, and what we want to believe, before we place our trust in others

• Trust but verify

• deception

  • intentionally misleads a target

• balance between telling the truth and being kind

  • how important is it to boost a person's self-esteem
  • how useful is the feedback for their long-term success ?

ch10 - explore the mechanics of when and how to begin a competition

• know the nature of the competition

  • if names are listed sequentially, like voting, be listed first
  • if it is a serial competition with more than a few candidates (like an interview process), go later and preferably last
  • if it is a yes/no decision, know the default. if the default is unfavorable to you, go first. If the default is favorable, go last

• a well-informed negotiator does better by going first

  • take the time to gain more information - the item/industry, your opponent's preferences
  • making the first offer anchors the negotiation in our favor

Strategic study and thinking

classify the problems

• define the problem

  • how to best formulate a problem
  • try to be more specific if the problem concerns how a goal or target
  • whether the problem so-defined is real or not

• classify the problem

  • empirical questions -> concern empirical facts, particular events or causal processes in the world

    • need observations or experiments or the help of experts in the field
    • the prior beliefs should be evaluated according to empirical data

  • conceptual questions

    • conceptual analysis and reasoning is enough to answer
    • without engaging in experiments or observations

  • evaluative questions - value judgments

    • distinction between intrinsic and instrumental values
    • consider the consequences of the action, or the motives behind the action
    • once knowing the empirical facts, then we can apply the correct moral standards to judge whether the action is good or bad

solve problems

• understand the problem

  • is the problem well-defined? can the problem be analysed into smaller sub-problems?
  • what type of problem is it?
  • what information can we gather about the problem?
  • have other people solve this problem before? what lessons might their experiences offer?
  • what are the constraints (time, money, resources,etc) in solving the problem?

• draw up a plan

  • carry out necessary preparations, like research, coordination
  • determine the time and resources needed
  • write down the plan in a systematic manner

• try out the plan

  • monitor progress to make sure that things go according to plan
  • record errors or special considerations for furutre review

• monitor the outcome of the plan

  • review past experiences and understand why we succeed or fail
  • monitor our own performance review the whole exercise in order that we can do even better in the future

• understand complex systems and processes

  • decomposition
    • identify the functions of different components, and see how they interact with each other
    • understand the function and behavior of a object in terms of its components and their interaction

making good decisions

• focus on the process of making a decision

  • emotions are crucial in helping us come to a decision
  • need to listen to our feelings because we often have to live with the decisions that we have made
    • some of our deep-deated emotional reactions might come from those aspects of our personality that we are not able to change
  • the heart has its reasons which reason does not know

• use a pros and cons list

  • good reasons or good consequences

• spend more time thinking carefully about a difficult and important decision

reference

• Strategic study techniques

creative thinking

The idea of innovation

• “It’s better to solve the right problem approximately than to solve the wrong problem exactly” - John Turkey

reference

• Creativity

critical thinking - 思辨能力

• think clearly and rationally

Why

• 拒绝不恰当的想法，以更加接近真理与真相
  • 尽可能求得最理性，客观的判断
  • 帮助我们建立 严谨而扎实的推理结构，更容易令他人理解与认同
  • 高级的 思辨能力是公正无私的
    • 试图评论一切推理的真正优点与缺失， 无论出于自己或他人
    • 不会控制他人或逃避真相，而是 用有道德，负责的态度思考问题
    • 愿意聆听自己未必赞同的论点，如有更正确的推理，也愿意改变自己的观点或立场

What - think clearly and rationally about what to do or what to believe

• ask questions and to keep asking them until you are satisfied with the answer

  • inquiry to determine the nature of the problem before proceeding to attempts at its solution

• self-evalution

  • evalute the pros and cons of your decisions?

  • break down a complex problem into parts ?

  • do you have reasons for your confidence?

    • do you have a way to evaluate your own thinking?

  • do u take other people's experiences into account?

think clearly

• why

  • pursuit of knowledge
  • know ourselves a little better, dispel prejudices
  • communicate more richly and persuasively

• stage 1 - why you believe something to be true or important

• stage 2 - the assumptions this reasoning relies upon

• stage 3 - what you do and don't know, where you're uncertain

• info

  • How to think clearly

自己的长处是什么 - 回馈分析法 feedback analysis

• build on the strengths : write down the outcome you expect and compare results

• 专注于自己的长处， 把自己放到那些能发挥长处的地方

  • 加强自己的长处 -> 哪些需要改善自己的技能或学习新技能； 知识上的差距

  • 努力学习新技能，汲取新知识

  • 编程

• 发现任何偏见和无知，加以克服

• 纠正不良习惯 - 影响工作成效和工作表现的事情

  • 内心戏太多
  • 赖床 -> 晚起
  • 没有以 领导为核心
  • 规律化

• 缺乏礼貌

  • 说“请”和“谢谢”， 记住别人的名字，或问候对方家人
  • 多和周围熟悉的人打招呼

• 自己不能做什么 -> 尽量少把精力浪费在那些不能胜任的领域上

• 天性 - 性格，动机，价值观

自己的工作方式是怎样的？ - how do I work? - 自己平时是怎样把事情做成的

• 读者型（习惯阅读信息） 还是 听者型（习惯听取信息）

自己如何学习

• 从实干中学习

• 从笔记中学习

• 从读来学习
• 从写来学习

• 从听来学习

• 对“解決问题”的向往

  • 凡是有价值的思想，都是从“具体的问题”下手的
  • 先研究问题的各方面事实，看看病在哪里； 再提出种种解决方法，然后加上想象力，推想一个假定的解决法

• 自我教育

  • 贵族教育是非实用性的； 对于普通家庭出身的我，需要一技傍身，没那么多适错的机会
  • 素质教育更重要的是心智的提升
    • 差距最大的是 演讲能力和写作能力
  • 走出家族的影响，不要被孝道文化所合理化
  • 说的有没有道理很重要

• 开发思维框架，而不是工具和技术层面

自我管理

• 自省能力的优劣

  • 不管对方的动机， 如果我认为不对，回归事件本身

• 乐观主义， 即使身处困境

• 单枪匹马

  • 独当一面的能力

• 在怎样的关系下与他人共事

  • partner （平等互利的关系下）
  • 不怎么会做下属 却很想follow别人
  • 追求独立（不愿意失去自尊），却能力不足以至于不得不听话

• 如何才能取得成果

  • 决策者还是顾问？
  • 决策者， 需要顾问来迫使他们思考

• 压力下表现出色， 还是按部就班，可预测的工作环境？

• 管理你的生活

  • 定义对你而言什么是“有意义的”

• 管理 自己的 精疲力竭

• 心态管理

  • 与其抱怨，不如正视
  • 不自卑，不攀比，坚持最好的自我
  • 和有视野有资源的同学做朋友
  • 努力争取自己想要的东西，珍惜和感恩自己的所得
  • 不忘初心，珍惜所有，用自己的资源多去提携他人，朋友和孩子

自己的价值观是什么 - what are my values?

• what kind of person do I want to see in the mirror?

  • 每天早晨在镜子里想看到一个什么样的人？
    • 做有价值的事情

• 把自己的思维放到5年，10年后，想想自己需要什么样的生活

自己属于何处

• 知道自己的长处，工作方式和价值观

• “是的，我将做这件事。但是，我将按照我自己的特点，采取这样的方式来做这件事，进行这样的组织安排，这样来处理当中所牵涉的关系。这是我在这个时间范围内应该会取得的成果，因为这就是我。”

• you should work hard and always think about how you can do better and take on more responsibility

  • Also, life is not only about work, it’s also about your relationships with your family and romantic partner, friendship, and self-interest. Life is everything and if you don’t balance well you won’t be happy.

我该做什么贡献

对人际关系负责

• 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作

  • 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板

• 重要的是， 他们能否有所作为以及他们持有什么样的价值观

• 沟通责任

  • 正在做这些工作的人必须确保懂得他们设法做的事什么，为什么要做这件事，如何去做以及期望什么结果
  • 组织建立在信任的基础上； 信任意味着彼此了解

• 广结善缘

  • 不要一次性的利益交换，基于长久积累的信任； 能多帮就多帮

• 走出自己的世界

  • 把自己那个世界规则吃透，各种人都要认识
  • 你走出自己的世界，是为了追寻多元的价值

• 对人不能冷血，对事不能温情

  • 对人要有温情，对事要严厉

• 对人礼貌，要学会对人微笑和怎样对人说话

认知

• 富人思维
  • 自主催化，闭环的能力 -> 独立的内生循环， 进而可以自己解放出来

管理后半生

• 发展第二职业

关注

• 关心政治和社会
• 关心 受难的人

reference

• Artist of Life by Bruce Lee
• Strategic thinking
• critical thinking
• Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
• 科学的争议与骗局
• 五月谈谈科学启蒙
• 李培根：批判性思维到底和我们有什么关系？
• How to Solve It by G. Polya