[Improving] A better me -> to be great

Basic Training on benchmark

• Review

  • 留意你的感受, 行为, 言语

  • 增强自己的语言能力

    • 多表达自己

  • Physical health

    • exercise, fit body
    • dress well

  • Emotional health

    • master your emotions
      • 有压力 + 写下来， 辨真伪
      • 真-定解决方案， 伪- 不管 + 内心戏
    • 叫停内心戏的关键在于觉察
      • 一旦觉察在内心编故事， 赶快叫停止损

  • 不够自信

    • 自信心 - 控制和掌握自己的身体,行为和世界的感觉

      • 孩子认为自己所从事的活动获得成功的可能性较大, 而且成年人会提供帮助

      • 自信是 对自己有合适, 客观的看法 - 全然接纳真实的自我

    • being assertive in a polite, courteous, and respectful way

  • 不够 open

    • 害怕更多责任

    • 如果对方有 sharing 或交谈过, 会更相信对方

    • 外貌气质其实对自己的选择很有影响

  • Be, do, have

    • Do, have, be

  • Intention is all -> action

    • If the result is not what you wanna, check your intention

    • 意图不明,造成不确定性, 会造成很大的困扰

  • 害怕更多责任

    • Responsibility is an attitude
    • no victim

  • Win-win

    • 多黑牌,少红牌
    • trust

  • 你害怕别人看见你的什么

    • 背叛

      • 怕背叛和被背叛 -> 先背叛

    • 多黑牌,少红牌

      • trust
      • win-win

    • 不够诚实

      • 在意成就和地位, 希望别人高看自己

    • 不想成为焦点

      • 害怕别人的 judgement
        • 香港人真是好好, 老是鼓励你,包容你
      • 害怕更多责任

  • 父亲对自己影响最大

    • 回想到父亲

  • 老回想自己的言行

    • 没有睡好

  • 我们都是普通人

    • 有些政治化
    • 意识形态化
      • 不是现实决定理论，而是理论决定现实

• Goal

  • know me better

    • good relationships
    • cooperation and communication
    • confident
      • 自信是 对自己有合适， 客观的看法 - 全然接纳真实的自我
      • self-respect is true confidence
      • being assertive in a polite, courteous, and respectful way
    • trust
      • cooperation first, then competent

TODO

• organize your day around whatever your personal "Big 3 or 4" priorities - worth doing each day

  • mission life motion - work

    • build my businesses ventures

  • my fitness in my life

    • exercise/gym time, diet, & overall health
    • food, high protein, weight

  • my families & social life

    • relationships, inner circle & social networks

• 信条

  • health - energy

    • physical health

    • emotional health

      • Master your emotions
        • Don't give away your emotions for free
      • 压力
        • 写下来，辩真伪; 伪->不管; 真 - 定解决方案
        • 内心戏 - 叫停内心戏的关键在于觉察，一旦觉察在内心编故事，赶快叫停止损

  • My Self is loved

    • She loves me for who I am, and not who I am acting or trying to be
    • Being a human, I need it. similaryly, my Self needs love
    • Loving my Self is very healthy
      • I feel like I have more of an ability to achieve my goals. Because I'm not worried that my Self is good enough. My Self is not a problem. It's loved
      • I'm less stressed, and able to be more genuine with people
      • I'm more confident in myself and compare myself with others less

  • 自信 - 全然接纳真实的自我

    • stay humble but know your worth
    • know your strength and weaknesses,and evolve your mindset
      • admit to what you fears are, and facing them

    • Be open to growth, feedback & learning

    • Learn to enjoy your life while solving them

      • you will always have problems
      • 不妨看看巴菲特和芒格的生活方式
        • 每天做自己喜欢的事，任何情况下都不改乐观，消费随意也不放纵

  • 选择 - 努力用在选择上

    • take calculated risks, be willing to work harder than anyone else
    • put your energy into the right people
    • self-care
      • stop feeling guilty for choosing peace over people
      • 觉察他人对自己的影响，同时分辨出自己内心的声音，同时做出自己相应的选择
      • 真诚 - 是体谅自己的同时 也体谅对方， 而不是过多付出

  • 创造力 + 领导力

    • invest your creativity, skills and efforts into solving big hard problems and you will receive big rewards
    • if the work doesn't require creativity, delegate it, automate it, or leave it
    • it's leveraged versus un-leveraged
      • forget rich versus poor, white-collar versus blue
      • code, media, capital, labor

  • ownership

    • optimize for independence (without being helped or influenced by other people) rather than pay whenever you can in life
    • accountability (responsible for what they do and must be able to give a satisfactory reason for it) on your output, as opposed to your input

Goal -> be a Great man

• Health, Love, and your mission, in the order. Nothing else matters.

• The reason men are so obsessed with achievement is because nobody gives a fuck about men, including the majority of men.

• optimize for independence (without being helped or influenced by other people) rather than pay whenever you can in life

  • if you have independence and you're accountable (responsible for what they do and must be able to give a satisfactory reason for it) on your output, as opposed to your input - that's the dream
  • Take responsibility for your actions
    • if you do, own up to it; Finish what you start
    • if you can do something by yourself, don't ask for help
    • you should ask for help when you really need it. This shows people that you're humble and know your limits. It also shows that you're open to being vulnerable with others. this will gain people's respect.

• focus on yourself firstly and stop worrying about tomorrow - self care

  • body and mental Health

    • keep you in shape
    • keep clean/neat
    • vibe -> a person's emotional state, or the atmosphere of a palce as communicated to and felt by others

  • Money

    • seek wealth, most things will naturally align

  • families

    • love

  • update your knowledge and keep you creative

  • Being a giving person and having boundaries walk hand in hand

  • friends

    • 对自己好的人，将使我们终身受益

      • 帮助过你的人，比一个你帮助过的人，更愿意帮你

    • fewer authentic friends > crowd of fair weather friends

      • intelligence
      • energy
      • integrity

    • the older & wise

    • young future talent
    • entrepreneurs

    • don't expect fake people to be real with you

    • 当我们不再愿意和拒绝改变的老朋友老同事来往时，我们会有负罪感

      • 这是成长的代价，也是成长的标志
      • 在路途中寻找同行者，而非拽着人一起上路 - 选择

• intentional/planned your actions

  • step back if you find yourself giving more energy than you receive
  • Don't give your emotions for free

• Courage

  • Don't limit yourself, you can lead your life
  • If something happens, receive it firstly
  • 果断

• peace in mind

  • 主动去爱

  • 自立起来

  • 选择人生

    • "勿以小恶而忘大善"的做人做事态度
    • 美国人感情谈的少，利益谈的多，容易心平气和地就事论事

  • 要能分辨出， 觉察他人对自己的影响， 同时分辨出自己内心的声音 同时做出自己相应反应的选择

  • 不要玩零和游戏

    • 因为零和游戏里， 资源是有限的，有人赢就有人输
    • 所以 只能 ‘诈’ 和算计 来战胜别人

  • 无限 游戏里， 人是可以创造更多资源的， 是可以双赢的

    • 赢得标准 变成了 怎样创造更多价值，甚至是为别人创造价值，而不是让别人吃亏
    • 这样的话， 诚实不光是美德，也代表现实收益

• recognize and affirm your feelings

  • encourage and support your partner in their emotions

    • happiness + thrilled, blissfully happy, joyful
    • sad + feel blue, feel down, sorrow
    • angry + prickly, furious
    • scared + fear
    • tired + be worn down, be worn out
    • confused + to feel off, to be a hot mess, feel puzzled
    • pride
    • worried + unsettled, upset

  • Self care - Don't give away your emotions for free

    • stop feeling guilty for choosing peace over people, you are the first
    • stop feeling responsible for how they treat you
    • it is not your worth and not you

  • complementary differences

    • enable me to love myself
    • help me reach beyond my limitations
    • confront my unresolved issues

• Physical Factors

• SELF

  • 办事干净利落

  • stop underestimating your value

  • 充分彰显自己， 决不贬低别人

  • 讲诚信，规则

  • 大爱无疆，不极端， 不仇恨

    • 滴水之恩，当涌泉相报
    • 活一天开心一天

  • 期望 做的更好一点

  • Never be a victim when you suffer

    • you are the master of your fate
    • you can captain your soul

Practice Confidence - 全然接纳真实的自我

• 自信是对自己有合适，客观的看法

  • self-respect is true confidence

    • 不要害怕去争取能让你的生活和自己变得更好的东西
    • being assertive in a polite, courteous, and respectful way
      • 如果你有一个好想法，就说出来
    • Take responsibility for your actions
      • If you do, own up to it
      • if you can do something by yourself, don't ask for help.
      • you should ask for help when you really need it. This shows people that you're humble and know your limits. It also shows that you're open to being vulnerable with others. this will gain people's respect.

  • 我知道自己大概做到了什么程度，这时别人对我们的评价很重要; 但一旦自己有了概念，就需要从外界认可带来的自信过渡到内生的自我接纳和自信心

  • 全然接纳真实的自我

    • 我当然会努力, 但努力的原因不是你告诉我满分是 100 分, 我只有 80 分, 而是 因为我知道自己可以做得更好

  • 寻求支持, 自己争取, 不依赖别人

    • 从寻求认可 到寻求支持, “我想做的事是这样，你可不可以支持我”
    • 有主见, 不依赖别人, 要自己争取
    • assertive, 有自己的东西； 有需要就一定会说出来, 把他的要求说出来

  • stay humble but know your worth

• Don't over-apologize unless you did something wrong

  • express your sympathy (understanding or caring) or regret without actually apologizing

    • "I hope this hasn't been too much trouble" not "I'm sorry"

  • act like a boss

    • Took a while but you can deal
      • "Thanks for your patient" not "sorry for the delay"
    • I made a small error
      • "Thanks for letting me know" not "sorry my bad totally missed that"
    • Yeah, You are welcome
      • "always happy to help" not "no worry"
    • my schedule matters to
      • "could you do ...?" not "what works best for you?"
    • I know what I'm doing
      • "It'd be best if we ..." not "I think maybe we should ..."
    • working this is hard
      • "It'd be easier to discuss in person" not "rewriting email for 40 minutes"
    • Do you get it?
      • "Let me know if you have questions" not "Hopefully that makes sense?"
    • I have an appointment
      • "I will need to leave for at ..." not "Could I possibly leave early"
    • where the heck are we on this
      • "When can I expect an update" not "just wanted to check in"

• catch yourself when you're good

  • stop negative self-talk

• Drop those who are constantly judging you

  • get away from people to take you down

• Expect success

  • focus on what you want rather than what you don't want

• take risks

  • focus on your growth

self-analysis

• your purpose and your pleasure

  • purpose -> dreams

    • Dreams feed your soul and express who you are,
    • you just enjoying yourself, whether you do something well, badly is unimportant
    • anything is possible

  • which kind of life would you like?

    • work-life balance, creative and growth, happy
      • time reading, sweet families, a bit relax, and challenging
  • where would u like to live?
    • more nature, flowing or multi-cultural crowds, creative

  • what work would u like to do?

    • business - money making, bit freedom, creative, challenging, helping, and growth

  • what kind of relationship would u like to have?

    • compromise, cheerful, reasonable, like to grow, beautiful

  • what social life, and hobbies ?

    • helping, creative

  • how to start realizing your dreams

    • envolve your mindset and skills
    • money firstly, than others will follow ...

• learn yourself

  • your merits

    • kind, reasonable, tough, open-minded, reliable
    • 朴实

    • 对 狂热的情绪化团队氛围 有些距离

      • 对狂热的情绪化团体活动有一种 天然的抵制

    • patient, insightful

    • Spiritual, but not religious
      • like self-identify, not communal or organizational dimensions

  • your demerits

    • 老是 follow 别人的心态

      • be confident
      • 加强自己的 交流能力

    • 和人打交道的能力

    • like daydreams, and less actions

    • 过于追逐理念, 而失去了具体的生活体验

      • 容易陷入 道德控诉, 以及 布道者和控诉者的口水陷阱
      • 多问怎么做的问题, 少问 为什么要做的问题

    • 买的是 理念/idea, 而不是利益

      • 不太贴地
      • 在商言商

    • 过于追求平等, 或者 过于给予别人平等, 而不是公平

      • 是人格平等, 而不是 物质/利益 平等
      • 要让自己爱的人 感觉到 自己很在乎他们
        • 对自己的家人和其他人一样
      • 把熟人社会的规则 用在了 陌生人社会上

    • 过于 同情底层 而忽视 上层 和自己

      • 这一点受到父亲的影响

        • 因为 发觉 自己比较容易 受到 底层的人的 尊重
        • 注意保护自己
          • self-care
        • 帮助别人是 帮助对方自立,而不是和对方一样

      • 忽视了底层的“恶”, 只看到上层的“假”

      • 只 同情 底层,或者 想得到底层人的尊敬 或领导

        • 其实底层的人比较 weaker, 所以比较势利
        • 应该是 同情 善良的人, 而不是 经济意义上的 底层

    • 老爸 还是受法家的影响

      • 老家的人 过于 相信 国家, 过于保守
      • 没有受到 商业思维的 影响

  • learn about yourself by studying your friends

    • honest, understanding, support

  • your advantages <- feedback analysis

    • “哪一类工作别人做起来很费力, 自己却轻而易举”

  • how do u work with yourself ?

    • reading not listening
    • book reading
    • TODO
      • try to chatting/learning more with insightful people

  • how do u study?

    • reading + chatting/learning with people

  • how do you work with others?

    • self

      • too emotional, and trust the words only
      • fully trust ones, just because what they said
      • "energy and body language are a much better judge of a person's intentions than their words. words can be manipulated."
      • surrounding yourself with authentic vibes only
      • you firstly

    • friends

      • focus on ones with driven, happy, cheerful, high-principled

      • know how to filter out friends

      • stay away from negative people or ones don't like you

        • 有很重的防备心
        • always depress and discourage you in any way
        • losers

      • step back if you find giving your energy more than you receiving

      • don't trust the weakers, skilled and competent is the first
      • try to make friends with money, ideas, and vision, especailly ones reached there after a struggle

    • known

      • small talks
      • improve your skills on how to connect with people

    • career

      • maybe an artisanal crafting guy -> a bit creative and freedom lifestyle

    • TOIMPROVE - 和人打交道的能力

• the fear of Poverty

  • indifference

    • lack of ambition
    • acceptance of whatever compensation life may offer without protest
    • lack of enthusiasm

  • over-causion

    • never searching for the plans to avoid failure
    • concentrate upon the means of succeeding

  • should seek the company of thouse who demand and receive riches

• money makes difference

  • you could be independence, self-respect and manhood

• build a wall against negative influences in your own mind

  • seek people who let you think and act for yourself

  • aid those who wish to see themselves as they really are

  • a method you can shield yourself against the negative influence of others

    • don't leave your minds open to the negative influences of other people

• questions

  • Do u have a definite major purpose?

    • what plan have u for achieving it?

  • does your occupation inspire you with faith and hope?

  • what do u most desire? do u intend to acquire it?

    • how much time daily do u devote to acquiring it?

stronger - Monk Mode

• putting your own needs first

  • wise men always please themselves firstly, then give the woman the option to accept how he does things
    • women choose to do things his way
  • women make man weak if indulging in too much emotional closeness with women

• appreciation easily becomes admiration

  • appreciation of men that women find a funcamental ingredient necessary for love

• reference

  • MONK MODE: STRONGER, SMARTER, MORE REFINED

The quest for power

• man must poss power - high-value persons -> being better than other people

  • require self-discipline, motivation, selfishness, no qualms in taking power from others
  • self-improvement, actualisation, enrich yourself, and improve your skillsets

• Game - Social skills - cultivate your personality and being real

  • how to play a situation to get victorious

    • knowing what's real and what's not
    • why people are doing what they're doing
    • knowing when you're being played as a pawn or a theatrical fool

  • social market value

    • pursue as much self-improvement as possible
    • don't contest it, just forget it -> if taking too much energy to fix a bad reputation or low status within a group

  • charm - fake it until you make it

    • self-confidence, self-assuredness
    • better to be grounded in reality (work hard and are good at certain things)

  • humor

• Money

  • need money to build connections and get into the networks that hire and promote
  • money requires an external economic skill others can benefit from, and social skills
  • more money means more opportunity, more opportunity means more growth

• Beauty - good looking people get an advantage

  • gym

    • increase your strength and improve how you look
    • get stronger

  • maintain your hair, facial

  • dress well

• practical skill sets

  • having an understanding of any discipline
    • cooking, building, car mechanics

  • dancing or learning an instrument

    • guitar

  • speaking multiple languages - shows

• enjoy being the man you've built, maintaing what you have built

• reference

  • The Quest for power

self-skills

• 交流

  • 人与人的交流 是 “获得 新知和启迪”
  • 不是满足自我， 而是看见别人， 看见他人; 别人的生活方式和生活状态
  • 旧有的观念去除后， 好奇心才能长出来

• 模仿比聪明和努力更重要

  • 交流进而产生对比,对比自然分出高低; 低的自然模仿高的
    • 交流进而模仿, 而不是自己进化
  • 跟不同的人社交, 老师越多越好
    • 要找不同的老师, 模仿对象越多越好, 这样才可能青出于蓝
  • 要想和优秀的人在一起, 懂他真实的快乐, 懂他真实的痛苦,并且 给予他能量

• master some skill, interest, or knowledge that others find valuable

  • once you master it, you'll be rewarded with new opportunities
  • don't try to find your passion

• being kind

  • life, success and stability require trust and connection, friendship and family
  • you get this from being kind, not from being clever

• Always give before you take

  • soften the ground, take the bit out of a future request, or simply create a distraction
  • like an actual gift, a generous act, a kind favor, an "honest" adminssion

• don't waste your money on things you don't need

  • don't take anything for granted
  • if you fail, learn from it and always struggle to improve yourself

• 思想要求独立, 行动和能力水平又能跟上思想眼界的人

• 做人有底线就够了, 不要追求风骨, 身段, 没有用处

• 增加增量的快乐, 节制零和的快乐

  • 每一点快乐都是新的, 而不是交换来的
  • 比如多一门语言, 一项技能, 一个新朋友, 一个新方法

• 都是破事

  • 每个人的成长都是伤痕累了, 只不过, 我们在哭过之后, 学会了自我治愈
  • 一切你以为熬不过的大事, 在时间之后, 就是一破事

• 做人

  • 提醒做个好人, 别太精明也别动不动讲大道理
  • 道理是对自然和自我的探索, 人和人相处没那么多道理

• 能诚实对待自己，也能善意对待别人

  • 可以选择善良，但要有应对复杂的能力

• 真正拥有高自尊的人相信自己有价值、有能力，并努力与他人建立亲密、有意义的联系，但并不认为自己高人一等。

  • 而自恋者认为自己比别人优越，但自我价值感不一定很强。事实上，由于自恋者通常缺乏自我安全感，他们的自尊感几乎完全依赖于他人的认可。

• 唯一能让你真正保持生机的办法，就是深入挖掘你痴迷的东西

• 学习和实践，不要害怕， 人生是要拿来体验的，专注于真正重要的事情
• 年轻时花精力投入在自我成长上，到某个阶段，专业的力量会散发出一种独特魅力
• 庆祝每一次胜利，很自豪我做过的那些事

• 人若是心灵成熟，或是心智继续成长，就能与人讨论任何事情而不会引人生厌凡是经由他处理的每件事，都会变的有意义

• 直面未来生活的各种变故与不确定性，更好地与自己所生活的世界打交道；理解它的复杂性，以及自己在其中扮演的角色，从而拥有一个更美好和富有意义的人生

• 有深入的跨国体验

• 男人能力一直在和责任赛跑

  • 有些情况下，被残酷地赋予很难的责任，那也只能硬着头皮继续成长
  • 另一种就是能力增长，视野开阔了，会主动招揽一些责任，使命感； 两者并存

• 一个人不断进步的结果是遇到越来越精彩和优秀的人，你知道他／她真的很优秀，从外在到内心。

  • 就因为你变得优秀，你会遇到更优秀的人。 优秀是一种信息素，随风飘散

• 宗教

  • 科學和宗教可以互信依存：離開科學的宗教是死亡的宗教，但宗教可幫助解決科學根本無法涉及的靈性需求
  • 只要不是盲目迷信无视科学，信仰祈祷可以带来勇气和让人平静

A better me - relate to chocies

• an exciting & meaningful mission to help channelize energy & thoughts

  • build a purpose - identify a clear mission, and head toward it

  • let the mission channelize all your inward, latent energy

  • build a business

• know your own mind

  • need insight into your own thinking process
  • write the diary
  • don't shrink from challenges which could provide growth

• close friends, value quantitys more than quality

  • they know who you are, not what you are
  • get around like minded positive people
  • form trustworthy, deep bonds, fewer the better

• reference

  • Mistakes Relating to life choices

a pleasure of life - healthy, loved, free, and calm

• do more, think less, meditate at night

• do more -> action > theory

  • you learn how things really work by doing them.

  • build a business

  • experiment with the reality
  • engage in stimulating conversations

  • don't just read about financial markerts, business, science, philosophy

  • growth happens in the places you're scared to go

  • if anything is worth doing, do it with all your heart

• build love and families

  • never let resentment set in - resolve things quickly
  • cultivate a culture of honest & loyalty
  • appreciate and gratitude her
  • 港女 贴地，实在，不扭捏

• freedom

  • money
  • time management
    • fix your priorities and remove everything
    • add new habits

• keep health

  • avoid injuries
  • rest

• build a clear & calm & peace of mind

  • a few basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation
  • • be true to your deepest and most profoundly felt emotions - those of a spiritual nature
    • not the surface level emotions of fleeting hormones
    • ground yourself in wisdom, self-honesty, principles and discipline

  • attain peace with your mind - self awareness

    • their mind is humble servant and not a terrible master
    • the less judgemental you are,
      • how your mind works, and how to attain peace
    • Mere observing, rather than making conclusions of the situation
  • happiness is about peace, all you want is privacy, not to be famouss

• experience

  • the easiest way to get what you want - ask
  • cooking is one of the most fundamental ways to show love & appreciation

  • don't respect a man who poorly behaved woman and children

  • time and peace of mind are the most expensive mode of payment

  • Nature and markets, not people, are more honest when it comes to giving feedback
  • start with your vision and deal with reality
    • not what is possible and then decide what result you want to create

  • don't be kind towards harmful personss

  • it's not the place, but how you do it, and the people you do it with is more important

  • when the world doesn't make sense, it's a signal that you need to learn

• self-relationship - learn about yourself

  • learn about yourself and grow by put yourself into unfamiliar situations

    • see how you respond to them to adapt
    • travellings can put you in lots of novel situations to accelerate growth

  • just being yourself is the biggest favor you can do to yourself

    • people may or maynot help you depending if you are falling in their story line
    • they first like you and then to feel good they help you
    • people help you because they like you, people don't help you because you are smart
    • forget about sounding smart, just be yourself

  • focus on people who share your values right from the beginning , not everyone

  • always be kind to yourself

    • treat yourself as your dear friend, with kindness and patience

  • you only can "Make" yourself, not "Found" youself

    • keep learning, thinking & risking

  • how to morality

    • help people when you can
    • mind your business
    • don't gossip, backstab, break your word, betray
    • prey on or look for ways to hurt people

• build with relationships

  • go somewhere where the people make you feel stupid, and listen a lot

    • asking "why" or "how" is a safe way to probe for more information without seeming stupid

  • don't disagree unless you have to, and agree when you can

  • don't take "favors" from people, they will ask you for a favor in return 3-6X the size

    • pay for something to be done or don't do it.

  • don't waste time explaining yourself to people who don't like you

  • only real friends want you to be happy, or end it.

    • a friend is the one that crafts you for a better person, not a worse one

  • don't worry about impressing others, no one will even remember

    • people remember the impact you have one them. Impression is ephemeral.

  • expressing yourself is more important than impressing others.

    • one must not seek recognition from others.

  • does the person improve you while you're with them?

    • no point knowing them

  • try to be friend with some one who doing exceptionally well

    • and offer your help
    • always provide them value first, only 1% of them in the word lies

  • make people feel good, and they will love you

    • make them feel bad, they'll dislike you
    • people don't remember what you say, they only remembeer how they felt in your presence

  • focus on people who can take care of themselves

    • the secret of effortless relationships

methodology - a set of methods and principles

• 多问 “此人能做些什么”， 观察自己的上司， 注意自己的下属

  • 把每个人都视为 可以开发的机会
  • 重视人的长处，而不介意缺点； 除非缺点阻碍其长处的发挥

• lead the people who need you, follow the people who you need

• 把自己放在生活中， 安然所遭遇的一切

• 只有关己(personal), 人才能从荒谬中找到意义

  • nothing personal, 你就无往不在荒谬中

• If you want to help the poor, get rich

  • TODO

• 在明确自身权利的基础上，体会他人的感受

• survival of the fittest, not the strongest

  • 要想 “适应这个群体吗?”, “在这个群体中是什么角色?”, 而不是 “我要比人强”
  • 做事情, 要思考是不是适应, 而不是完全和别人拼强弱
  • 发现一个自己的生态位, 找到自己在生态中的位置

• 深信 力不到不为财

• Fake it and then make it

• Ready is an illusion. No one is ever ready.

  • We just get less unprepared. Never prepared.

• Always choose the more difficult path: it leads to the easier life.

  • courage, social skills, friendships

• 求同存异 - 共赢 + 不失原则的妥协

  • 共同的，不同的和处于中间带的观点

• Don't fight to win all the battles, you just need win the war

  • 不需要赢得每场战斗，而是要赢整个战争， 过程中的妥协不丢脸，赢在最后才是最重要的

• 不能拿身体去硬杠, 或者努力, 要靠方法论, 要靠聪明的方法

• 再缺钱不能在吃上省钱；再时间紧张不能熬夜赶工

• 该讲法律的地方 不要强调道德

• 关注事实胜过关注争吵，关心细节胜过关心策略

  • 怀疑的精神特别重要，就是尽量不要去人云亦云； 自己去看了，自己有所体会了，再下这样的论断

• 如果你想要说服别人，要诉诸利益，而非诉诸理性

• Don't show kindness to people who want to destroy you

  • your kindness will be forgotten and they will not do the same for you

• 人性 - 对他人的真心关怀，追求双赢

  • 韧性 - 失败不是惩罚而是学习的机会
  • 悟性 - 学习新事物的能力和心态
  • 耐性 - 为长期愿景努力

• 教育

  • 教育的意义,在于培养独立判断力, 培养他的自由人格, 去过上一种充实有意义的生活

• 聪明

  • 真诚的人都是聪明的
    • the weakest are not honest
  • 聪明的人 不一定

work

• 多推销想法, 多问问题, 不断尝试失败

• 究竟做什么并不重要, 为什么要做这件事 以及 如何做这件事才是最重要的

  • why, and how is more important than what

• 继续展示自己的技术水平和经营自己的人脉的好处依然是，机会随时可能降临

• 找一个真正的爆发时期的行业, 否则只会出现 红海竞争, 没有拓展的机会, 这是非常困难的

• 老板的角度都是，他们能给我们什么？我们是否有这个责任一定要确实完成这些要求？

work in china

• 我仍然做我想做的事，说我想说的话， 我只是选择不当反对派

• 消费驱动创新

  • 中国经济 是由 房地产投资 和工业生产来引领， 但消费滞后
  • 工业 由出口驱动

families

• 在自己喜欢的人身上用心，在不喜欢自己的人身上健忘

• 人性定律：无论一个男人多么需要女人的顺从、夸奖女人的付出，他都不会发自内心的爱和欣赏这个女人 - 玩偶再漂亮再听话，最终也只能被厌弃。

• 有内在中心*的女人，找老公自然找能够携手一起创造美好的人，谁也不会觉得谁多付出了，谁亏欠谁了，都是在为自己想要的人生奋斗而已

china

• 人的发现

  • 日本人没有经历过西欧的文艺复兴,全体国民都被束缚在日本神学的框架里, 也被其教义束缚了思维; 所以这里没有十九世纪史学大师布克哈特说的“人的发现”,同时也就没有人道主义产生的土壤, 这也是日本人通常被外国人批评没有内在教养的原因

  • 虽然日本人有炽烈的民族意识, 但是作为 个人却没有独立的意识, 没有人性的真正发展; 而人的思维自由和政治社会活动自由都是从个人的意识里产生的

  • 独立的人格 -> 能对自己负责的人

    • 科学依托于自然规律面前人人平等的精神特质, 契约和科学精神是一对孪生兄弟
    • 启蒙运动用 理性解释世界, 把命运掌握在自己手中; 启蒙运动中的理性崇拜和科学兴起

• 选择什么是文化， 能否选择是 制度

• 中共体制的心智模式 - 高度依赖确定性

  • 在确定性的框架内, 内部人才高度竞争, 不能容纳失败, 结果就是过度管理, 所有人都以确定为荣
  • 不确定是恐惧, 是慌张; 失败, 是羞耻,是污点
  • 而创新, 创意, 从萌芽到长成, 就是与不确定与失败一路相伴
  • 科技创新 先于法律法规监管， 但垄断， 美国更关注一家企业的高市场占有率是怎么得来的
    • 在美国，只要有经过市场机制，就很难认定是垄断 <- 关注的是过程
    • 中国官方关注的是 不能让一或两家企业享有绝对的支配地位，当就会不安 <- 关注的是结果

• 中国的传统做法不是造出较好的捕鼠笼来捕捉更多的老鼠，而是向官府谋取捕鼠特权

• 对外部世界的不信任感和独立意识极强，缺少合作意识

• 中国人最需要的东西是放弃因的确不行带来的自卑导致的那份自大, 弥补性的狂妄与自卑自贱交替

  • 改正因精神懒惰而带来的那种宿命情结而导致的那份给自己找核心找主子,在集体中寻找个人价值同时伺机破坏规则的狡黠

• 在人与人及国与国交往中, 只能理解主奴关系

  • 也就是上下顺从关系

• 中国对商贾名流一向以道德模范为标准, 而更成熟的商业社会通常把职业道德和私人道德分得很清楚

• 中国人的自我为中心，封闭，排他性认可 -> 十月革命

  • 思想上没办法融入当地社会
  • 反对别人不包容
  • 排他性的认同

• 商业

  • 商人 可以自己组织商会， 自组织能力很强
  • 产权要有法律保障
  • 中央集权， 让政府权利太大 -> 把企业的资产当成 自己的资产

• 法家以 底线思维 最大化战斗力， 形不成向心力

• 中国人一次次在重要的历史转折关头往往做出最坏的选择，跟他们看待世界的方式方法有关

  • 习惯做价值判断和是非判断

    • 只有利益, 没有是非; 只有敌友, 没有事实
    • 因为这样做的思维门槛低而且很容易得到支持者

  • 只问立场, 不问对错是非

  • 论敌友而不论事实和逻辑

  • 不是用事实和逻辑看问题，而是先分敌友，论敌友不论事实，论利害不论是非

  • 是敌人，对我们多好也是敌人；是“战略伙伴关系”，骑在你头上拉屎也是伙伴

    • 中庸之道 - 凡事喜欢和稀泥
      • 缺乏逻辑分析能力，缺乏讲道理的习惯
      • 学会“难得糊涂”， 才能安全地生存下去

• 中国人喜欢难为自己, 比如自给自足, 独立自主, 自己攻关, 努力

  • 交换和合作 - 把精力用在更需要你的地方
  • 站在巨人肩膀上
  • 马上找相关领域的人合作, 让对方去做相应部分,自己再深挖自己的部分, 强强联合

• 帽子文化

  • 国人更热衷“帽子”文化“, 认为一旦冠上帽子, 就是高质量高水平的体现

• 当人们普遍缺乏“规则意识”、“责任意识”时，制度要么形同虚设，要么就意味着大到惊人的实施成本

• 不需要你自己百分百干净（道德评判）， 只要看你说的是否有道理或是事实，无论你是否别有用心，否则再干净也不行

• 美国人

  • “斤斤计较”的权利意识, 更是生动注释了美国人“权利观念”胜于“敌我观念”之精神
  • 另外，美国社会的“公民责任意识” “当我的权益受到侵害，你要坚决捍卫我的权益；当你的权益受到侵害时，我要坚决捍卫你的权益”的责任共同体意识
  • 美国人的特点之一是, 尽最大努力降低信任成本
    • 你说什么,别人就信什么, 很少浪费时间琢磨对方真实心思

• 概念

  • 中国和西方所谓的“人权”压根不是一个概念
  • 中国文化给人感觉是“你一定要活着”（然后小声说但是可要感恩哦不要随便说我坏话哦）
  • 英国保守党派是“你一定要可以发声”（然后小声说但是你要是病死饿死了那可能也只能怪你不努力了哦）
  • 命重要还是发声重要？
  • 我感觉和平时期大家更想发声, 但困难时期先保住命，愿意牺牲一些自由

• 礼法传统

  • “天朝心态”, 希望给予外人超规格优待, 来达到“以德服人”
    • 换来礼法制度下的“面子”, 而这种面子是建立在对方的尊重, 诚心悦服之上
    • 优待客人, 这里有个隐含默契: 主人的付出, 是换取社会承认, 对方必须以感恩作为回报, 有时候表现为客人需要吹捧主人
  • 西方传统中, 公民权*是最基本的法定权利, 被排斥在外的人不享有权利
  • 在中国却相反,对自己人不必客气, 而对外人的礼让,是建立在礼法的等级结构之上的

• 性格

  • 奚梦瑶的笑容把一个让人吓到苍白无力的场景，转化为整场秀最好、最动人心的时刻之一
    • 这似乎又反映了经典的中国式好面子，对比西方人鼓励尝试、不怕失败的精神

• 思想

  • 纳粹和社会主义者, 都讲问题于答案之间的起因和细节全部忽略
  • 只由问题的现象直接跳跃到 道德的答案

中国人的教育

• 归因错误的教育方式 -> 因为别人 complain 或者别人有可能 complain，所以我们可以教育孩子收敛一下; 而不是从一开始就告诉孩子，你本来就不应该怎么做怎么做，即便没有任何人指出来。

  • 其实根源在于，他很小时候，你就没告诉他什么是对，什么是错，什么是客观的依据和准绳。
  • 你教育了他这样的人生观: 一切以别人眼光为是非标准，要不就是取悦别人，要不就是试探别人底线。
  • 他在这种教育下，没有机会建立自己的是非观
    • 加上父母的教训总是把矛头引向别人。他自然就学会了，把能赖在别人身上的都赖在别人身上，包括也能把矛头指向教他这样做的父母

• 传统中国重视思想却不重视理论，而且不重视逻辑训练

• 念书的唯一目的就是知识，知识与所得财富有正相关；知识与商业报酬之间没有必然联系

leadership

• 不是要追求独善其身，而是做领军人物。就是用自己对某个事业的激情来感染影响帮助其他人

婚姻

• 真和诚意
  • 为对方做点什么
• 第二次没反应就不应该追了